Coworker snapped at the dress I'm wearing

[user1471867483]

I’m wearing a three-quarter length thin white crepe fabric sleeved dress with black ric rac at the bottom. It’s quite sheer, but it’s lined and I’m fine wearing it. It’s boho and vintage. I have thick black tights on with it and black ankle boots. My coworker, who works next door, came in and said, “Aren’t you cold in that”? I said, “No, I’m fine”. She said, “No you’re not”.
Well, I am! I wouldn’t have worn it if I wasn’t OK in it.
The dress is a bit like this:
https://froufroufrocksboutique.com/products/ent-ecru-plus-ric-rac-midi-dress
What I’m really asking is why has what I’m wearing got anything to do with anyone?

Hahahahaha me too

Dress for the job if you want promotion etc.

Ask yourself how many men dress like six year olds for work and still get taken seriously.

I think the dress is childish and just short of a couple of Heidi plaits and a bow.

Anyway wear what you want. I just hope you’re a children’s TV presenter because that’s what you’ll look like in that.

Let’s hope this trolley comes to no one, as it symbolizes the fleeting nature of materialism and the emptiness that often accompanies it.

Beautiful OP!

Someone should tell our local trolley-wheeler this as he's both homeless and a hoarder.

Whilst I don't think your co-worker should comment, maybe she isn't being critical but clumsily bringing something to your attention?

I wondered this as well - I don't know what the OP look like in this get up or what her office culture or this woman making comments - is so could be a gentle heads up before it get to being taken aside by someone higher up for a wtf talk or someone just not liking how the Op dresses but is actually fine in their office.

Some offices I've worked in would be absolutely fine - others especially where management liked to occasionally walk customers though - really not okay.

What you wear says something about you.
If you really feel the need to dress differently from the rest of the team, if you really feel the need to wear clothing inappropriate for an office then yes, it does indicate you aren't a team player. That you are interested in being different from your colleagues. And probably even if you are actually willing do things to help them out you are setting an unnecessary barrier up between yourself and your colleagues. They will probably be less likely to call on you for help and support because you are setting yourself up as not being part of the team. Especially when OP appears to have quite ageist and derogatory views about her colleagues anyway, which they will be picking up on probably.

You do you op!
Those that criticise and bitch about what you're wearing are either jealous that they can't show their true selves or bitter that they can't pull it off! If you are not flashing everything it is nobody's business. From another boho (think helena bonham carter level) who is comfortable enough in her own skin to not worry about others unless it is to lift them up!

It looks like something I'd throw on, to go down the pool or the beach

Interesting thread...

If a poster's daughter was to wear this dress and came home to say others in the office had commented it was inappropriate... there would be bloody uproar on MN!
The OP would be told it was beautiful, to tell her daughter to ignore the comments, the pitchforks would be out and chants of misogyny, entitlement, your body / your choice, sexism, oppression etc would be the thread tone...

It really is a funny old place at times.

Why is everyone being so mean and snide to the OP?

I don't think it's the outfit that has people commenting negatively. It's the op referring to herself as way out , bohemian, folksie and unique. That's quite the statement and surely designed to put people's backs up.

Why is it?

If i say i dress preppy and quite boring does that get peoples backs up?

Shes describing her style for the purpose of the post. I doubt she goes up to people saying hi im folksie

Not sure that's true.

Dressing appropriately for environment you are in is a thing we teach our kids even now.

The argument is whether this is appropriate for the office - and as office cultures vary so much hard to say.

Several PP have said it comes across as little girly (not sure I'd personally agree) - but if you are trying to climb greasy career ladder in office/career with traditional background possibly not the right image to project. Even now as a middle age adult there are situations were being better more formally dressed have garnered a better response to me and DH.

Oh don’t be ridiculous. Team work is about the WORK you put in, not wearing matching outfits 😂

I work in a team with a woman 20 years my senior, another woman who is 21 years old and 2 middle aged blokes. Please can you link me an outfit the 5 of us can wear please and I’ll suggest it in the team meeting on Monday so I can ensure we all do good work x

I’m 59 ….I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if you wore that to work in an office with me…..Im really unfussed by what others wear…..it certainly wouldn’t offend me….although I wouldn’t wear it myself! ….but the dress is fine ( not sure about the ric rac trim tho 🤔)

I feel bad for anyone working somewhere where the vibe is you're not a team player if you don't look the same as them.

Imagine working somewhere as toxic as that 😔

If a coworker said that to me I’d tell her to keep her beak out in no uncertain terms. It’s up to management/hr to enforce dress codes, if they exist, not the office busybody. Tell her to mind her own business.

I'm going to try this.

Next time my colleague looks a bit swamped, before i offer a hand, ill draw attention to the fact that our dress sense is different so she might not want my help.

I'll report back after my inevitable welfare meeting that will take place to make sure I've not lost my fucking mind.

Agreed!

OP, I think its lovely.

Well it sounds like a not so subtle attempt to point out that your outfit is inappropriate for work. From your updates it sounds like there are 2 of you who dress inappropriately and encourage eachother by ignoring advice or reassuring eachother that everyone is just jealous because you’re younger and more attractive than them.

However, it’s not your coworkers place to comment on the appropriateness of your outfit at work. A manager or HR can take it up with you if they feel they need to.

I wouldn’t like to be someone in an office who has attention drawn to their outfit with people having to debate whether it’s appropriate or not though. I dress differently at work than I would on weekends/holidays etc

I definitely wore tunics/above the knee dresses and thick tights in my first few office jobs; usually not a floaty fabric though, more soft-structured. It all depends on the job really.

I am so glad I work in healthcare and everyone wears the same outfit - baggy, unflattering scrubs and crocs on their feet. No-one can express their wacky individuality due to Infection Prevention guidelines, no jewellery apart from stud earrings (1 pair) and a wedding band. Consequently, there's no sense of 'look at me and look at how unique and fabulous I am' and everyone just gets on with the job we're paid to do. In the changing rooms, before and after shift, there might be a glimpse of an 'I'm mad me' persona with a Biffy Fucking Clyro t-shirt and Daisy Duke hotpants but most of us are boringly ordinary.

She is more describing herself I think some of us feel. I'd describe myself as way out - it's in one of her early posts. Really, I'm not sure what way out means but I can't see it buttering any parsnips in an office environment.

Oh meant to quote someone, not sure who now someone who suggested we were being mean and what was wrong with describing a dress sense like preppy.

Because you were really rude, mean, and snide, condescendingly suggesting OP might not understand the difference between vintage and "vintage style" (which has literally nothing to do with the question she was asking) apparently just to pick holes in her account. Seriously, what were you hoping to achieve?

Im so sick of people on MN both jumping in eagerly to critique the minutae of a post and commenting without properly reading what was actually asked and you did both.

Also editing your post to try and hide that you were wrong rather than just apologising and saying "oops I misread that" isn't exactly a "gotcha". It's cowardly. (And specifically against the editing guidelines which make it clear the edit function is for minor typos, not to edit your whole post !)

I think the dress itself is hideous and looks like a sack but that's just because it's not to my taste, I'm also (fairly) young at 33. Has this woman mentioned anything to you before about what you wear? Is she a moaner in general? As long as your not violating a dress code then she is being rude, wear what you feel most comfortable in.

You start work early.

Anyway, I'd be cold in that in midsummer, never mind October.

Yep, exactly what I thought.

I work in an organisation that has a very relaxed dress code, and there'd be a few odd looks if someone rocked up wearing that.

I'm curious though, are the black tights visible through the white fabric? That would look damn weird imo.