I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

I would get a taxi and ask the school to bring your son out to you. I presume they know about your DD's medical issues and would show some compassion in this situation. When does he turn 5? He may not have to legally be in education at the moment so you could just keep him home tomorrow.

How do you manage all your DD's medical appointments if you don't have a car at the moment?

I do think you will need to build up some support network. Did your son not attend a local pre-school or other clubs? Do you take your DD to baby groups?

@MrsH15001 have you been told by healthcare professionals that it wouldn't be safe for your DD to go outside with her current respiratory illness? If you're worried about it but haven't been told definitively not to, do you have a CHD or community paeds nurse you could speak with?

Are you able to answer anyone’s questions, @MrsH15001 ?

1. can you drive your husband to work and collect him again to give you the car? Yes, it might be a bit of a pain to bundle the kids in the car, but gives you flexibility having it all day.
2. can you dress your daughter in a big baggy dress when you take her out in the car/buggy rather than just a t-shirt?
3. can you wrap her in a blanket/rain cover in the buggy to go and collect your son from school?

?

This has nothing to do with work

If your child isn't yet 5 then he doesn't need to go to school and can stay home

Can you take DH to work and then collect him later so you have the car? Or can be lift share some days?

It does seem harsh to not let him pop out for an hour to collect his child in these circumstances, but also it's his work if they've said no there's not much he can do

Sure, but if you wanted to convey that you wanted to drive, but couldn't then you'd say "For a number of reasons we had to sell our second car, so I can't drive to school at the moment".

I am sorry it's so difficult but you just need to wrap her in blankets. It's not winter yet

And is there any chance or affordability of you moving closer to school/help/transport? Where you live is making your lives harder

I wouldn't ask work to leave to do the school run if I was him either, when it would be completely fine for you to get a taxi.

Drop your husband to work and then pick him up, then you'll have transport.

I’d say, ‘I have no car’ rather than ‘I don’t drive’.

Oh my goodness, the nitpicking on this thread is near unbearable.

OP, yes I would be annoyed if my partners work weren't flexible in situations like these, but then my daughter was also severely affected by chest infections when she was little. The job sounds a bit dead-end as well. If possible, I'd want him to find a company with more family-friendly policies.

I assume that if it wasn’t for the broken leg, it would be possible to do the walk to school, well covered, despite the infection. So it’s a question of finding a way to get clothes that will help and plenty of posters have offered suggestions.

im well enough to work absolutely. Have done since I left school. My daughter who was born with a rare heart condition meaning she’s had open heart surgery, many on going conditions can not yet lead a normal life therefore I am SAHP looking after my sick disabled child which I do hope is something you will never have to do in your life

It may be a help if you drive your dh to work since you have the children you need it more then he. Also it's a very difficult situation for both of you. He has to protect his job. I think unless you take his car the taxi is the only option. Especially since the weather will be getting much worse.

What about all of the suggestions that have been made? Do you think any of them would be viable? Can you drop DH to work/station, even 2 or 3 days a week, so you can keep the car? What do you plan to do over the winter months, surely your daughter will be poorly with a cold or infection at some point? How will you get too and from school if you won’t want her out in the cold?

Similar situation here, except my husband making requests like these has led to his employment being terminated. Wrap little one up as much as you can and get a taxi to and from school.

I think people are sighing a bit because OP's wants to demonise the employer, and when people proposed what seemed like reasonable options based on OP's first post, and asked questions, she then expanded her reasons as to why she can't drive and why she can't take her DD out.

It happens quite a bit on MN.

I'd not let an employee leave work for that reason either... its not you with a broken leg.

Massive drip feed. And you can drive your husband’s car if needs be.

Why can’t you get a taxi?

My fiancé does not have a car either. It was a shared car that we can not afford to have. He uses public transport to work. His place of work is 7 minutes away via train from our sons school.

I can put my daughter in her pram with blankets absolutely yes, it’s difficult as she has health conditions and other issues. Sensory too, she doesn’t like blankets or her rain cover. She screams and kicks them off, okay nothing can be done. She has to put up with it but when she also has a chest infection and a child of her condition chest infections or common colds can become extremely dangerous leaving her in hospital due to her heart conditions and airway obstruction having her not fully dressed for wet cold weather whilst already being sick isn’t ideal.

This is such a pointless comment. She has a dilemma now not in 6 months when she can pass a driving test. Unnecessary jab with the privilege thing too.

She’s a mum with an injured child trying to do her best.