I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

Can DP use public transport to get to and from work, then you could use the car? Or could you drop him off at work if public transport's no good, then have the car after you've dropped him off?

Now with me being unemployed and caring for my child and living of what few benefits I get and my partners income which is ever so slightly above minimum wage I could not afford to have a car. For us to pay our bills and feed our children the car had to go!

Knowing this ^ it's even more important that you manage being a SAHM without help from your husband as his job is crucial

Build up a network of people who can help

Talk to the school and find out if anyone lives near you and can help ....get to know those parents who might be able to help you

You can have THEIR children over for playdates/babysitting to help THEM

How can he be taking unpaid leave if he’s earning just about minimum wage though? If he’s on that low of a salary it sounds like he’s way down the pecking order, maybe customer service or similar. It’s a shit job and those employees are not the priority unfortunately. There is no real flexibility there. Situations like today and planned medical appointments are not emergencies, they don’t have to accommodate anything.

I can drive. Just currently don’t have a car. I have friends!!!! Many! None who live in my area who are able to collect my child whilst my daughter who was born with a rare heart condition is unwell with a chest infection which can be come very serious for someone of her condition potentially leaving her In hospital as she already has breathing issues and many others!!! Who also has a broken leg

You did say you didn't drive.

Nothing in your post explained any of this new info.

So you're a carless family?
Your partner uses buses/ trains? Or walks to work?

It sounds very difficult for you, but at the same time, other posters have made practical suggestions.

It's not cold outside today. You can wrap your baby up well.

But longer term, can you try to meet other mums who can help you out?
Have you made any friends where you live?

And in the longer term, your partner could try to increase his earning power- 9 years in one company and still just above the minimum wage? What's the plan with that?

I think some employers can be really unreasonable for things like this, especially for low paid employees, but I don't think I'd be asking a low paid DH, on whose income we rely, to ask for unpaid leave, when a solution is to put DD in a buggy with a blanket, or ask a school mum to help out.

You have my sympathy, you are in a tough situation generally and a ‘crisis’ for today and tomorrow. I was a SAHM and a non driver, there are lots of things people used to popping into a car do not think about, mainly good winter coats and boots, multiples too as if you get soaked in the morning your coat might not be dry by pick up time.
It is impossible to overstate the benefit of being in a job with a level of flexibility and a compassionate boss, it can make the difference between coping and not coping.
As changing jobs might not be easy it would help, not today but in the future, if you build a network. A neighbour to sit in with your daughter, another Mum to pick your son up, a parent to help with lifts to activities. I traded babysitting for lifts for my kids!

As you are an SAHM and your fiance is the sole breadwinner, both of you have to be extra careful he does not lose or get sidelined in his job.

Sorry but from a managers' point of view, this is not an emergency if there is a ft SAHM available to collect the other (non-ill) child on foot or in a taxi. Your dh is going to have to explain why to his manager he needs to leave work. This reason is not going to impress the manager because if this is an emergency, it is easy to see how there are going to be many similar 'emergencies' down the line making your dh an unreliable employee in his manager's eyes.

If I was your dh I would not ask. If it involved a medical emergency for your dd, that is most definitely an emergency and your dh should ask and the manager will agree and if they don't, you can legitimately despise them. Your dh should save up the requests for those sorts of emergency situations.

It is hard but for a day-to-day issue like this, it is best to develop a network to collect your ds or use a taxi or go on foot wrapping up your dd warmly.

I can drive. Just currently don’t have a car. I have friends!!!! Many! None who live in my area who are able to collect my child whilst my daughter who was born with a rare heart condition is unwell with a chest infection which can be come very serious for someone of her condition potentially leaving her In hospital as she already has breathing issues and many others!!! Who also has a broken leg

Speak to the school

Ask for help

There will be people who can help you

Don't dump this on your partner

This is for YOU to sort out imo

But OP what on earth is your plan for the winter months then?! Temperatures have barely dropped at all yet, there are likely to be many days in January and February when the temperature will be single digits. Babies sleep outside during the day in some Scandinavian countries - they are just suitably bundled up. If you are worried your daughter will be cold put a warm jumper on her then several blankets on top, she really will be fine!

His childcare arrangements haven't changed. It's not the SAHM that's incapacitated and the child is in a cast, it doesn't affect childcare and doesn't warrant emergency parental leave to collect his son from school.

If he was a single parent and his childcare wouldn't look after the child in a cast, that warrants emergency leave.

This!

Why isn’t this an option, @MrsH15001

I drove and collected my DH from the station for years (with kids in pjs in the back!) so I could have the car in the day. Drive him to work!

OP said son is only in 2 days this week

I thought the son is at school full time?

It sounds like you are stressed and catastrophising. If your youngest was admitted to hospital and you had nobody to collect the other one, that’s more of an emergency. I wouldn’t expect time off work for school runs in the rain with a broken leg or chest infection or medical appointments (unless he is booking annual leave).

Prioritise what is an actual emergency and what is just a bit more difficult than normal.

I would look on childcare.co.uk for someone to help you, ask anyone in your ds class if they can help out with lifts home from school. Ask a neighbour if they can sit with your dc for an hour whilst you collect your ds from school

You need in some respects to make a a village for yourself with babysitters and neighbours

Something like this. Your fiance leaving work doesn’t seem like a sustainable option.

tha OP stated in her `Op that she does not drive So its not going to be an option

She also stated later that she can drive, she just can't afford to run a second car.

Do not drive doesn't = cannot drive. Plenty of people can drive but don't for whatever reason.

You've been given lots of advice about wrapping her up in blankets in the buggy / pram with a rain cover. She won't get any colder or wetter than if she didn't have a broken leg.

Why then say you can't drive?

Hire a car, get on the app for using. other peoples cars. get your dh to get to work some other way and you have the car

Does your DH have a car? Your posts seem to infer that he does.

Surely it is more important to share your only car properly so you have access to the vehicle when you need it? So you take him to work, then you have the car, then either pick him up or maybe he can commute home etc?

Your posts sound like the only solution to your problems is for his employer to let him out willy nilly, when really you both need to be coming up with a solution that works for your family in all eventualities, which shouldn't be dependent on the leniency of his employer.