How to deal with ‘hello beautiful’

[Sunflowersandspiders]

A man in my office has started saying ‘hello beautiful’ to me when I see him. It seems to be a common schtick for him that he deploys on lots of women I work with. It makes me uncomfortable, I want it to stop, but I don’t know what to say. ‘Hi John, do you mind not commenting on my appearance please?’

At the moment I’m avoiding him, trying not to walk past his desk, no eye contact if he walks past mine. Probably can’t be sustained eternally.

Sidebar: why do men do this? Control? I am so tired of having to navigate this shit in the workplace.

Of course it’s a compliment. People need to calm down. Not everything is a misogynistic insult you know. Everyone is on the high alert for any little perceived slight. No wonder we are in the mess we are

But it is a compliment, honestly so many people with issues on here. I'd have no issue with saying morning handsome to my male colleagues

I regularly used to greet male colleagues like that.

Men do it cause they think women go weak at the knees for male attention.
Just reply with
It's @Sunflowersandspiders thank you 😊

"Morning Dick Head" in response. Every single time.

I'm wondering what some of the people on this thread would have made of a comment thst was made to me in a previous job. The Chief Further Education Officer in the local authority where I was working told me I 'was really very clever for a woman'. I thought it was really funny, as did the rest of my team, but I suspect some Mumsnetters might have spontaneously combusted on the spot 😆😆

Did he mean it to be a joke?

Baffled why you were all rolling around laughing if he seriously meant it.

It was said a bit tongue in cheek but he definitely meant the general sentiment. We laughed because it was very funny and such an absurd thing to say.

Well said.

Probably not. Probably just questioned why it continues to be a surprise for so many men that women can be clever and competent.
Also avoiding tropes about women over reacting to situations.

Totally agree, people are are getting het up over nothing. There's far worse things happen to women than a simple, casual 'hello beautiful' comment to which an obvious reply would be 'hello handsome' - there' no harm it at all.

Yes, i agree, I'm the same I hate swearing and rudeness, my mum and dad never swore and it was really frowned upon and I was shocked when I went to work by how much people (mainly men) swore but its just one of those things you have to get on with, you can't complain all the time and say you're offended different people have different standards and attitudes

Just address him as"bro".

@Growlybear83

"Chief Further Education Officer in the local authority where I was working told me I 'was really very clever for a woman'. I thought it was really funny, as did the rest of my team"

Sorry- I don't get it. Can you explain why it's funny?

Like they're going to admit to you it's a power play. And that's even assuming it's operating on a conscious level, which most likely it isn't.

Well I'm sure your jovial reaction changed his mind about the intelligence of women, which already seems set at a very low bar.

I would have challenged it, if there seemed any hint of him actually meaning it.

I would use the old Mumsnet classic but adapted for this situation...

"Do you mean to sound like such a patronising sexist? I really don't think that greeting is appropriate in a modern office environment."

As pp have said, it’s a power play.

An inappropriate one for today’s work place.

Naive to think otherwise I’m afraid.

I'd have gone to HR. Do you realise how sexist this comment is? Not a laughing matter at all surely.

@CurlewKate If you can't understand why it could have been funny, I'm not sure I can really explain it to you. It was partly the circumstances, partly the man concerned, and also because it was just so absurd it was really funny.

It was an incredibly formal department and everyone was always addressed as Mr, Mrs, Ms etc. The director was elderly and close to retirement age when I started, and didn't really get to know most of the staff in the department. He was also a bit prone to confusion at times. It took him some time to notice that I had replaced my predecessor - a man with very black hair and a bushy beard (I am blonde and don't have a beard). called Peter X, who of course was always called Mr X. The director spent several months calling me Mr X in meetings, much to everyone's amusement, until the day that I did something that particularly impressed him, and he said 'thank you Peter'. 😆😆. It was a strange place to work!

I'd just jokingly say it's 'miss/ms/mrs surname to you'
Then give a wry smile.......

@reallyworriedjobhunter Yes I'm sure you and half of Mumsnet would have gone to HR 🙄. What would have been the point? He made a sexist comment, which I found funny, it didn't affect me one iota, and surprisingly, the world didn't end.

I would just say "Hi" without even looking over and walk off. I would hope that would send an obvious hint.
Only because I shy away from awkward confrontations at work but I'd say something if that didn't work.

"Oblivious" is the one word in this long essay that about hits the mark. Nobody's saying that OP's colleague or others of his ilk take a consciously deliberated decision of being controlling to her. That said, the fact it's probably subconscious makes it no less condescending. And given that, explaining to this colleague that he makes OP "uncomfortable" would be a really bad idea as it only plays further into the idea of the vulnerable, slightly dim little woman. Icy formality and/or an OTT reply like "hello, honeybunny" gets her point across much better.

I’m not naive. I just don’t get wound up about compliments 🤷‍♀️

No it didn't affect you. But given he was Chief of Education and in charge of the education of girls as well as boys, he should have been pulled up on it.

Given your further context though that he was close to retire and sounds like he was starting with dementia, not worth pursuing.