How to deal with ‘hello beautiful’

[Sunflowersandspiders]

A man in my office has started saying ‘hello beautiful’ to me when I see him. It seems to be a common schtick for him that he deploys on lots of women I work with. It makes me uncomfortable, I want it to stop, but I don’t know what to say. ‘Hi John, do you mind not commenting on my appearance please?’

At the moment I’m avoiding him, trying not to walk past his desk, no eye contact if he walks past mine. Probably can’t be sustained eternally.

Sidebar: why do men do this? Control? I am so tired of having to navigate this shit in the workplace.

"Hello beautiful"
"Hello Swiss Toni"

I meant to quote this reply in my last post - I wasn't questioning whether anyone would say 'hello beautiful'.

Its all just a storm in a tea cup, get over it.

Well if you are actually beautiful, it's not! Plus ugly people can be beautiful inside

I'd only be upset if he was saying it sarcastically or as a joke. He obviously just thinks he's paying everyone a nice compliment

" Hello pretty boy! "

Meh. I would've used to get bothered by this, then I realised if I just smile and answer back "Hello!" and carry on walking then literally nothing happens.

Mist sexist misogynists think they're just being charming, just as mist abusers think they're sensitive souls.

This is precisely why they need things explained clearly to them.

Most, rather than mist — ha ha, imagining all those mist-abusers now!

Exactly: nothing happens. I.e. such men continue to think of women as defined by appearance (sexual attractiveness, in their particular, warped, objectifying view of attractiveness — which has deadly consequences for women worldwide).

Tbh I just ignore it. He isn’t really commenting on your appearance ( and you know that as he says it to others); it’s a stock phrase lots of men use. Personally I wouldn’t want to be the one to look affected by it. Just keep a polite frostiness in your interactions and ignore.

With all due respect you don’t get to decide for other people what they should or shouldn’t like. It wouldn’t bother me either and I won’t have anyone tell me what I should or shouldn’t be offended by. The op isn’t wrong for not liking it but equally neither is the poster you replied to.

It's inappropriate and unprofessional. It's making the OP feel uncomfortable. The women in his office don't need to know his opinion of their looks. What happens if four women walk in and there's one he doesn't rate?

"Hi beautiful!"
"Hi beautiful!"
"Hi beautiful!"
"Good morning, Lorraine"

I'd be so tempted to have one of those t-shirts printed that were around in the 90s:

Front caption: 'hi handsome!'
Back caption: 'not you dingbat'.

And make sure I walked past him wearing it.

When this actually happened my response was 'I just answer to Serafina'. He got the message alright.

It’s not a compliment though!

Would they say “morning handsome” to a male colleague?

And if they did, would it be a compliment?

Op the way to respond to this is to say “good morning, my name is Sunflowersandspiders”
in a very matter of fact and not very friendly tone!

I don't think it's either unprofessional or inappropriate if that's how the man usually talks.

It’s not his opinion though.

Something being how you 'usually talk' doesn't make it professional or appropriate. If you usually punctuate your sentences with the word 'fuck' would that mean it was OK to swear your head off in the workplace?

OP says he 'deploys' it on lots of women - not every woman, and not on men. Therefore he's exercising an opinion before saying it, otherwise he'd say it to everyone.

It undermines you, whether it's meant well or not.

I would pull him aside and say "Dave, I know you probably just use this phrase as a standard greeting but it's a bit embarrassing for you and makes you look like a 1970s gene hunt misogynist. I'd hate for you to get pulled up formally for it so just giving you a heads up that women like to be treated equally at work, not reduced to window dressing"

Everyone that's thinking it's ok because they had the same treatment in the 1980s should remember that's 40 years ago. Thats like being in the 1980s and expecting office culture to be the same as it was during the war.

I started my working life in the early 90s and put up with shit I'd never take now. Let's all try to make things better rather than inferring that people are precious because they don't want their appearance to be the first thing that someone speaks to them about.

Maybe we’re all so sick of male entitled behaviour and oppression of women that we’re ready to pounce rather than considering the wider picture ie/that he was maybe just trying to be nice.

Maybe we are. I know that I, for sure, certainly am.

In which case it's down to men to read the room, rather than on women constantly to humour and compensate for it.

But it is a compliment, honestly so many people with issues on here. I'd have no issue with saying morning handsome to my male colleagues

@Sethera I don't generally swear, but I've worked with many people over the years who have sworn liberally and no, it didn't bother me at all.

"Hello beautiful" depends on who says it. Context is everything. If your DH says it, great. Delivering a meals on wheels? Also great. Workplace randomer? Not appropriate. I would also say 'Hello Jemima is fine, thanks" with a hard stare.