How to deal with ‘hello beautiful’

[Sunflowersandspiders]

A man in my office has started saying ‘hello beautiful’ to me when I see him. It seems to be a common schtick for him that he deploys on lots of women I work with. It makes me uncomfortable, I want it to stop, but I don’t know what to say. ‘Hi John, do you mind not commenting on my appearance please?’

At the moment I’m avoiding him, trying not to walk past his desk, no eye contact if he walks past mine. Probably can’t be sustained eternally.

Sidebar: why do men do this? Control? I am so tired of having to navigate this shit in the workplace.

Just do this. It might be annoying but don't be a dick in return, as people always suggest on threads like

We used to call each beautiful even between women. Some men would call me: hello my love.

It depends really on the situation. I was in a very tough physical job with very outspoken people, no one did me any harm or did me anything when alone with me , due to the nature of the job we were often alone in rooms, etc LOL

It’s disrespectful and a power play

Exactly. It's not nice, or charming. It's done to undermine you.

The responses suggested by PP above should work. If they don't, I would escalate it.

no one did me any harm or did me anything when alone with me

This is an incredibly low bar to set for assessing whether behaviour in a workplace is appropriate.

It's fine, sounds motherly and is gendeless

Hello beautiful is uncomfortable to some as it's the kind of line you get on Tinder messages. Not a genuine compliment on appearance, either.

I would say privately that it makes you uncomfortable and leave it at that. He will likely stop.

No, I honestly don’t think so! We do the same in my office and nobody has ever raised an issue!

The only time I’ve ever been slightly bothered by someone using a nickname was when one of the managers I worked with used to always greet me with “hello trouble”! Reminded me of my granda! However that did stop when I was waddling into the office 9 months pregnant, maybe he just realised I couldn’t be arsed😂

Sounds so bloody cringy. I sometimes use names like 'love' or 'lovely' but absolutely not in the work place!

can you say ‘hello lamb chops’? Or something equally ridiculous. Completely deadpan. I honestly think he’d stop

That is what he expects you to think. But consider what the message is, here:

I, a man, am viewing you, and rating you, in your place of work, according to how aesthetically pleasing you are to me. Your sexual appeal to me is my priority.

Do you not see that this is a subtle way to control women and put us in our place? We shouldn't be up for aesthetic assessment every time we arrive at work. We should feel our ability to work is the only thing we are judged on.

How would John feel if every time you and any other woman at work saw him, you said, 'Hello, dad-bod' with a friendly smile. 'No offence, John! I was just grading you, as you grade me each day! Have a sense of humour, love!'

I'll bet he says hello beautiful because he can't remember your name

Respond with 'Morning, Shrek'.

Obviously don't, but it must be tempting.

@Meadowwild you're really giving this far too much headspace. I bet none of these things have occurred to "John"

Play up to it to a ridiculous extreme to embarrass him. Giggle and hide behind your handkerchief saying, “Oh please, do stop - you embarrass me, sir! I’m blushing! Don’t look at me!”. Go full on Emily Howard from Little Britain.

Ha ha, yes probably this 🤣

Totally inappropriate and it should bother you. It's the thin edge of the wedge WRT shitty behaviour from men and them thinking that can do whatever they want. See also wolf whistles, leering, ogling and groping.

"Just my name, thanks!" (repeat daily)

Poor old Pete Beale eh. Wouldn't have been able to call Sharon treacle.

a chap I used to work with did this. He was very overweight, health issues and had just had a marriage break down. He was understandably not the most confident, but otherwise very friendly, popular and supportive of all staff. We had a healthy working lives lunchtime walking group and he always greeted me with “hello beautiful”. I was not in any way offended but it did feel uncomfortable. So I asked him not to. I explained that beautiful was a very personal greeting that I would only expect from my husband or my dad. Well he was very upset and excessively apologetic about “offending” me. It took a bit a patient explaining but it worked and in the end I think he did understand. I’d do it again, but yeah, that was a drama.

Really not the same at all

If this is his only crime, I probably couldn't be arsed to get worked up about it.

The OP hasn't described him – whether he's objectively ugly himself, and if there is an age gap between them. That would affect my reaction.

I sometimes get this greeting in local shops, and I just smile.

I'd just breeze past with the response, Morning Wanker.
Well probably not but making a point of saying my name is Sunflowersandspiders please use it as others have suggested would seem the most straightforward. Bloody annoying you even have to do it though.

I'd think this was sweet. I must just be old. Good job I'm self employed and work alone or I'd probably be in tribunal for upsetting the more delicate generation by now.

I think he’s just being nice

Only to women though, because I can guarantee he’s not saying “good morning handsome” to Dave in Sales every morning.

Creep.

I would assume he was taking the piss to be honest because I am far from beautiful.