How to deal with ‘hello beautiful’

[Sunflowersandspiders]

A man in my office has started saying ‘hello beautiful’ to me when I see him. It seems to be a common schtick for him that he deploys on lots of women I work with. It makes me uncomfortable, I want it to stop, but I don’t know what to say. ‘Hi John, do you mind not commenting on my appearance please?’

At the moment I’m avoiding him, trying not to walk past his desk, no eye contact if he walks past mine. Probably can’t be sustained eternally.

Sidebar: why do men do this? Control? I am so tired of having to navigate this shit in the workplace.

Formal and to the point. Delivered well you should only have to say it once.

“Good morning John. Don’t comment on my appearance anymore. Thank you.”

Next day

“Good morning” - he’ll reply with the same. Job done, henceforth usual morning greeting exchange. He’ll probably be frosty for a while because you rebuked him but he’ll get over it in time, and if he’s not a friend, it shouldn’t matter to you anyway.

"Hello SunflowersandSpiders will do, thank you."

I have actually had to say exactly this to a male colleague before. It worked.

That would piss me off to no end. I'd just say next time 'john, I've got a name ' if he makes a joke if it then tell him it's really cheesy and tone deaf

Thanks everyone, I will deploy one of these options.

Depressing but completely unsurprising to have to even think about this.

Not a friend, if he was a friend my response would be ruder.

I think he's just being nice and maybe he thinks charming and you're reading too much into it tbh. It wouldn't bother me at all

lol like I should tolerate unprofessional behaviour that’s inappropriate in a workplace just because he might think he’s charming 😂

It’s disrespectful and a power play. Even if he’s doing it subconsciously.

He wouldn’t say it to a female boss.

The only workplace this would be appropriate is when your job is to look beautiful. Eg from a Vogue photography shoot director to the model. Otherwise, nope.

bet he's not saying hey good looking to any men is he

Maybe it wouldn’t bother you, but the OP has been clear that it bothers her. Not sure you should be telling her to be ok with it.

'Hello Ugly'

Did you get picked yet?

She asked what might be behind it, and I don't think it's anything sinister. It's probably best you ask some males OP, that would probably give you some better insight. If it bugs you that much then just tell him you don't like it.

Well even this. How is he in general? Is he friendly or is he a dirty perve? Not everyone is out to get you. Peak mumsnet today.

'Fuck off' ?

This^

I just think you need to tell him to just call you by your name. Be direct, there is no need to reherse a speech or anticipate drama, just direct and to the point.
It wouldn't have bothered me when I was young enough to be called it, although it depends on the vibe in the office and the intent.

"It makes me uncomfortable when you comment on my appearance Tim."

Love this. Or just say please can you not say ‘hello beautiful’, or it’s xx. I annoyed with someone using a name I wasn’t keen on and say as friendly I could muster, just use x (my name). It’s creepy

I just wonder if you need to offer zero explanation. Can you stop saying ‘hi beautiful’

He might if this is just part of his normal dialect.

I’m female and senior and have had more junior people (both male and female) greet me with things like “Morning, Lovely”. Never been called Beautiful per se but that might be because I’m hideous 😂

I wouldn’t do it myself but it doesn’t particularly bother me. If it did though, I’d go with @RoseUnder’s suggested approach

I've had something similar to this in a workplace and I said 'I'd rather be called by my name, you know' and then when he said 'It's just being friendly' I said 'Why don't you say 'Hello Handsome' to any of the men in the team, then?'

We did work together fine after that, although we certainly weren't mates!

Have you asked any of the other women in the team how they feel? They might all hate it!

Keep it simple. 'Good Morning, my name is Laura'. Then if he says it again.. 'You are making me uncomfortable, my name is Laura' 3rd time, simply report to HR.

He absolutely wouldn’t do it in front of a senior member of staff which is telling. And while it making me uncomfortable is valid enough reason to ask him to cut it out, it’s also not our workplace culture at all and if I didn’t want to confront it myself I could have it dealt with more formally.

How do people feel about “hello, lovely”. I (admittedly rarely) do use this with some of my close team. Am I accidentally out of line, do you think?

Just ignore him . He will get the message