How to deal with ‘hello beautiful’

[Sunflowersandspiders]

A man in my office has started saying ‘hello beautiful’ to me when I see him. It seems to be a common schtick for him that he deploys on lots of women I work with. It makes me uncomfortable, I want it to stop, but I don’t know what to say. ‘Hi John, do you mind not commenting on my appearance please?’

At the moment I’m avoiding him, trying not to walk past his desk, no eye contact if he walks past mine. Probably can’t be sustained eternally.

Sidebar: why do men do this? Control? I am so tired of having to navigate this shit in the workplace.

Exactly. I was told to “just sit there and look nice” when I asked if I could help with something. Different times but so much calmer

Just tell him to call you your name, it's not a big deal. He isn't 'commenting on your appearance' it's just a generic greeting. A bit too casual, possibly a bit patronising.

I did have a boss who called the women on the team 'Darling'. We pointed out that he never said it to the men. He gamely started calling the men 'Darling' as well. It was quite funny seeing the mildly bemused looks of the men on the receiving end.

@Cattery you and me are on the same page here! The whole of my working life was in the 80s and I whilst there was sexism and inappropriate comments (of which ‘hello Beautiful’ would be at the bottom of the scale) by the same token I also think people were far more polite and considerate and generally helpful and kinder to each other, holding doors open and doing things for you etc I looked forward to going tow work and enjoyed it though only secretarial. Nowadays people react with aggression to everything and take offence at the slightest thing.

I replied once, „alright brass balls“ and raised an eyebrow.
Never happened again.

Any of the suggestions from PP would work, but I'd be tempted to respond with "Morning Sexpest".

See how that goes down!

Yes, control I imagine.
I hate it. As a 20 year old "blonde bombshell" (not my description) I hate all this "hello stunner", "hey gorgeous" stuff. Do they think I'm going to drop everything, say "oh I've just remembered I don't have a boyfriend", and jump into bed with them? And why can't they keep their hands to themselves?
And while on the subject (sorry if you feel l'm hijacking it), what I have NEVER understood, not when I was 12, not now I'm 20, is why they think I might "want" them. If I really am as lovely as they tell me, do they think I'm not "taken", as if I've been waiting all my life for them to come along?
Oops sorry for my moan.
I do sympathise with you tho.

Exactly. People do these days. Offices used to be much nicer places to work. Real humans with real conversation & warmth with a bit of banter, not these sterile environments.

'hello beautiful'. It was a common greeting, same as 'hello kiddo' or 'morning sausage' etc

Why do people get so upset by things like this? Why does it matter? If the man says this to other women, it's clearly just the way he talks. Would people get as offended if someone said 'hello flower' or 'hello love'?

It doesn't 'upset' me, it is just inappropriate and unprofessional.

I wouldn't be offended if someone said any of the things you mention, but I wouldn't expect it in the workplace as it isn't professional.

@mansplainingsincethe90s

doubt very much he's saying "Hello beautiful" to everyone to be controlling. He probably thinks he's doing a nice thing

Of course he doesn't think he's controlling and I am certain he would think he is being nice. I think you really don't understand how misogyny works. It's not something that some nasty individuals do. It's systemic. It's totally embedded in our culture and society so that the majority do not notice it, just like a fish doesn't notice water.

But it's not nice to keep reminding women that their primary role is to be decorative. It might seem friendly, affectionate and even sweet. But most women don't feel that way. Look at the majority of responses on here. Most of us HATE this 'normal' 'friendly' kind of exchange. We really hate it because it reminds us that whatever we do, wherever we go, we are being assessed on how we look. Yes, nice men do this but they should listen to what women are saying and STOP!!

'The name is Sunflowersandspiders!' (Holding up ID card)

A freind got fed-up with 'Hello sexy' etc. from a particularly irritating guy -and finally replied 'Hello baldy'. He just called her name after that.

are you not familiar with the purpose of a public forum?

how about you tell your fellow men to treat women like the peers they are and leave us out of your little male power-plays?

and before the reactions come: no i don't get really het up about things like this, but i do nip them in the bud. With a very frosty "Bref's the name please use it" type of thing.
But I'd really like it if other men jumped in and put a stop to their colleagues doing stuff like this (and the mansplaining, and the manspreading etc etc)

Also, what's the aim of telling him in private? To save him embarrassment?

He's doing his power plays in public, so he should be pulled up on it in public.

I also think that calling it out in front of others is really important when it comes to workplace culture and expectations. There may be younger, more junior women in the room who hate being called beautiful but don't feel confident to say anything to him. Seeing another woman call it out will help to empower them and show everyone that it isn't acceptable, and won't be tolerated.

But the thing is yes things have changed but have they changed for the better? I worked in London in the 80s and felt perfectly safe and went out with friends in London a lot and travelled on the tube and trains without a thought but I have a daughter who lives in London now and I worry about her, there's so much crime and harassment and its not just London the whole country is a lot worse now than it was in the 80's and 90's and people are far more aggressive. When I went to work there was good banter and working in the City over Christmas was just fab and such good fun but those days have gone. Given a choice between being young and working in 1984 with all the sexism etc and 2024 then I'd choose 1984 every day of the week😀.

'Hello gorgeous' quite loudly in a sarcastically bright manner should do it

God is that all you have to worry about

I have dealt with a similar issue. My response was 'No thank you. It's first name, Mrs persisted, or ma'am if you prefer. I prefer first name but those are the choices'
I don't like it and I will be clear about expectations.

😂

Of course they haven't occurred to him. He assumes them as his right. We don't ruminate over rights we take for granted; they just are. Doesn't mean people on the receiving end of them shouldn't give them headspace and question their vaidity.

It's a microaggresion. As PPs have said, it's not something he'd say to male colleagues. Doesn't matter if he's being creepy or not.

I must say I'm surprised by the number of women who don't seem to see anything wrong with men paying empty compliments!

"I'm sure you mean well, but calling me "beautiful is both disrespectful and massively sexist. Please stop."

😆😆😆. Would anyone seriously say this?

Hello beautiful

Nope