Make up at work

[ZebraGiraffe12]

I posted previously regarding achieving a promotion and I am super happy about this and I love the promotion. However, I have had a meeting today about a complaint from one of our senior managers. Before coming back from maternity leave I liked to be very glamourous, high heels, make up, etc. However, since coming back from maternity I prefer a nice flat shoe or a small heel and minimal or no make up. If I am at home doing video conferences I will rarely wear make up, when travelling I will wear a bit (lots of photos taken).

Last week I was taking part in a training conference for managers across the world. It was a 5 day conference and on 4 of the days I wore no make up, on the second day I was presenting at the conference and decided to wear some make up. I have just had a meeting with a senior manager who has told me it was very unprofessional of me to not wear make up and that my face is part of selling the company and it needed to look professional. I feel absolutely awful and cried all through my lunch.

Someone please reassure me that I am not in the wrong and the senior manager at my work is. I haven't seen him since I was 4 months pregnant so I know my look has changed a lot.

Thank you

You're approaching it from the wrong perspective. I don't think anybody is actually expecting the men to wear makeup; that is the whole point: when women nevertheless ARE expected/forced to wear it and told they look ill/unprofessional/not pretty enough without it.

So you believe that the way a woman naturally looks is by default ugly - and that a normal, natural woman is not good enough to be seen in public?

Women naturally also tend to lack height when compared to men - so why not also prescribe that women should be expected to wear 8" stilts to work/in public as a default; men, of course, also won't usually need to worry about this.

Women are enough as they are and don't need to look less like women to be acceptable as what a woman 'should be'; anybody who claims otherwise is a misogynist.

Slightly off topic but I have noticed more young men wearing make up to work over the last few years. Some quite obvious and some going for a more natural but still make up look. Nail polish is getting quite common with young adult males as well
Where do you work?
I work for a local authority in Northern England. The blokes in our team don't wear it, they are a lot older and scoff at thus sort of thing, but I've noticed some male social workers and male staff from other agencies have been wearing it and having their nails done and varnished.

Oh dear - anyone else getting this ad?

I would be having a word with HR, and putting in a formal complaint!

I’m envious that you feel fine not wearing makeup for work.

I don’t have that luxury, I just wouldn’t look work-ready. However if my skin allowed, I would definitely not feel obliged to wear any.

Firstly, unless your contract states specific grooming standards that you agreed to at commencement of employment, and you have broken those, then they can kindly Foxtrot Oscar with their comments.

Secondly, this screams to me that it’s a man.

The fact they only actually noticed when you showed up with make up on speaks volumes. You need to at least document this exchange and ask HR for guidance. If it was a Man, next time - kindly ask him what make up he is wearing because it looks so natural it doesn’t even appear he has any on.
Also, don’t forget ACAS are free and available for employment guidance and will be able to tell you the legally correct way to approach this without jeopardising yourself in any way.

Absolutely NOT you in the wrong.
Unless they are expecting the same of men/those identifying as male, then I believe this is sexism. What do HR say?

Firstly, unless your contract states specific grooming standards that you agreed to at commencement of employment, and you have broken those, then they can kindly Foxtrot Oscar with their comments.

It’s illegal to differentiate between the grooming standards for men and that of women. The requirements cannot be gender based. So any grooming standards included at the commencement of employment shouldn’t contain requirements for female employees to wear make up, manicured nails or high heels. It’s discriminatory and not enforceable.

I’m not an expert, but my understanding is you can differentiate grooming standards by gender. For example men can be required to have short hair, shaved beards. Many airlines require female cabin crew to wear their hair & make up a certain way. That said, the first portion of my comment was intended to be more generalised and not moving into the realms of technical differences between genders. Hope this helps.

I'm so sorry that you feel such a pressure. Women are by no means any different to men and as a result do not, ever have to wear makeup or skirts or heels or any gender stereotypical shit to work. Unless they want to.

Fairly sure this breaks some equality laws. Get some advice.

You should report this dinosaur. People like this need to not exist

Thank you to a lot of you for your very kind responses. I have had a lovely make up free long weekend away with my family. Me and my husband discussed at lengths what I should do (he is no help though as he never wants me to wear make up). I went to HR just to have everything formalised and the manager did admit he said it which was great, he was also forced to apologise. The HR department said they have never had a client complain about the way myself or any other female member of staff have presented themselves. The manager has explained he was a nervous wreck as it was our companies first face to face conference since Covid.

Many people have asked about looking rough and tired. I am happy to report even though I no longer look 21, I do not look haggered. I do not wear make up if I am not working with clients face to face this is a personal choice. Even when at the conference, if I am just sat listening I do not think I need to be dressed up beyond my usual professional look.

Good update thanks OP.

Well done for sticking to your guns OP. I am in a management role that involves client meetings, facilitating workshops and going to conferences and I have never worn makeup bar tinted lip balm. Why should I? And to the comments about looking tired etc. - men don't wear makeup when they look tired - they just look tired!

It sounds like your manager tried to use you as his metaphorical punching bag as a result of his own anxieties and inadequacies - well done for calling him out on it in the way that you have. Maybe now he'll think twice before being such a sexist prick.

We need to move away from this idea that makeup = presentable. It is so damaging! Why should women spend even more time and money on yet another element of women's work? Our clothes cost more, our toiletries cost more, I'm not adding the additional cost and additional time of makeup to the list.

You do have that luxury. We all do. Makeup is a choice.

Agreed.

I've managed to reach a very senior position at work despite never wearing makeup or heels.

I used to occasionally wonder if I ought to wear make up, but given none of the men were it didn't make sense to me that it was something we "had" to do.

You are 100% not in the wrong and they should not be able to talk to you like that.

I've worked in about 3 jobs where people have said things like this. Once my manager gave me her make up bag and sent me to the bathroom saying I'd 'reached an age where I need to put my face on in the morning'...I was 26. Or a male boss who used to clap his hands and say 'slippers off ladies!' so everyone would toddle off and put their heels on.

It's discrimination and it's ridiculous.

well done you!!!!

First of all well done in call his sexist bullshit out!

I can’t believe he said he was nervous to justify his sexist discriminatory behaviour😂. I was nervous so I decided to behave like a 1950s boss operating in a time before equality and sex discrimination legislation.

I hope the company have laughed at his pathetic excuse and disciplined him. In this day and age everyone knows that behaving like that is unacceptable.

Some men just don’t know how to behave acceptably towards women. Nobody should care what such men say. I think the era of page 3 girls etc has thankfully passed.

HR should care!

Great update, Op!