When did you realise you are just an employee and loyalty accounts for nothing?

[GorraSoreKnee]

Just here to see at what age did you realise that although work is an important part of your life- you are an employee and blood / swear/ tears/ loyal service accounts for nothing?

I am in my early 50’s and been in my current role for 25 + years- it has been hard/ stressful at times, have gone over and above, been loyal, helped progress careers, felt that I have contributed to others, made a difference to people in need (work in healthcare and NHS).
I always knew this moment would
come as I have some very dear older friends / now retired colleagues who would always try to help you get things in perspective and one would always say ‘ remember , we are all replaceable’. I did see one retire and she was replaced with ease and work continued to go around.

This month a managerial decision was made which will have a very very negative impact on myself and role but benefit others. It was clear what the outcome would be, but there was a wider management decision to be had, so clearly we are all employees in a machine.

i am very upset by this but mainly because I now realise in this moment loyalty accounts for nothing.
I am very sad and feel like it is a loss ( sounds irrational but that is how I feel as it has changed my perspective on work).
To top it off my line manager was more concerned about how my response was picked up in the team, rather than acknowledge I am human and it is hard at times to conceal emotional response.
Think this is now the time to explore that other things there are out there without fear of leaving what I know. I will get my CV up to date and will also do some financial review to see what options we have.

I am now having other life stresses as many others do in thier 50’s ( aging parents/ ill health/ children leaving home/ menopause/ seeing friends needing
cancer treatment/ husband dealing with work stress etc) so could do without
work shit/ pressures and too much responsibility which has just been thrown my way.
Another close friend of mine ( same age, same organisation) had this moment also last year, took a different outside job with a pay cut and it has worked out well.
I do think this is what happens to many
with jobs/ careers/ roles.
I am just reflecting that maybe I should
have realised this sooner and not done all the unpaid overtime over the years as it has accounted for nothing.

Has this happened to other women in their 50’s and how did you move forward?

Not really here for a discussion- would just like to hear other stories to help
me realise, amoungst my tears, I am not the only one and maybe hear some positive outcomes.

I agree with this in caring professions particularly (and small, long term teams working in adversity) - I am currently agonising over this in a small tight team working for a poorly resourced corporate vet practice. I am a bit younger but know I don’t want to close out my career in these conditions but feel like I’m massively letting others down. I’m under no illusion that management don’t care about me. They talk the talk about wellbeing and psychology safety etc, but shrug their shoulders when genuine concerns are raised.

This thread makes for very painful reading. Why do we do this to eachother? I can't see that there is a solution. Other than realising this, and to try not to let it bother you?

Same here . Store supported prostate cancer but when my husband got it manager tried to manage me out. After years of being punctual , going above and beyond, rarely going on the sick . Never again will I go above and beyond.

This is brilliant 🤩. Good for you ! I wish I had this mindset years ago .

@TedMullins

They probably mean how easily it was their colleagues were forgotten not how quickly they were replaced .

Fellow NHS here. I realised that my loyalty and hard work counted for zilch 43 years ago when I started so I just changed my mindset.
I work hard solely for my patients and for self improvement. I know full well management couldn't care less if I left tomorrow so I make sure I take care of myself and put my own interests at the centre of my work.
I joined the NHS to make a difference to people's lives and I have achieved that.

NHS is brutal for making arbitrary decisions at a high level with no real consideration for the impact on individuals or teams. It’s happening in my Trust for financial reasons.

I’ve always been very aware I am essentially just a bum on a seat and if they decide another seat needs filling I’m expected to step in. I don’t like it but it works both ways, if I decide they are expecting too much I will move on.

It’s tough when you feel you have given a lot and get nothing much back.

Close friend, NHS worker. Her mother died very unexpectedly and violently during a week of pre booked annual leave. She did not take any additional time off but there was a delay before the funeral as the coroner was involved.
When the funeral finally occurred she was declined annual leave as too many people were off. The suggestion was to call in sick.
This is somebody who had frequently stayed late, got stuff done and was an all round good egg.

I more or less helped build up a small,lucrative business with someone I considered a good friend.when she left her Husband and child for another man I stood by her,helping her and trying to keep my personal feelings out of it,anyway,she employed her new man's Daughter and I accidentally found out she was on quite a bit more money than I was,though her skill set was non- existent.I left within a month.we are no longer in contact.And of course the Daughter got bored and left anyway.

Having worked for a smaller company that has been taken over by a corporate my entire approach to work has had to change. I admit that it has taken me some time to get to this mindset because I care about what I do and want to do a good job. However wanting to do a good job should not mean being stressed, putting work before yourself and family and working all hours. So I have to regularly remind myself that getting in early and staying late, waking up at 3am worrying about work is not appreciated and when push come to shove they will send me on my way without a second thought.

This was a painful realisation for me but it was a combination of events when I was in my late thirties and I started to see that;

a) my workplace cared more about how things ‘look’ to parents than how they actually are (private school) all my years of acquiring strong teaching skills counted for nothing when compared with shiny classroom displays, perfect Instagram posts and glossy prospectuses of children ‘looking’ happy. Never mind that the reality of the place is weak leadership, no academic rigour and appallingly outdated ICT resources.

b) When I was offered a promotion that was going to mean considerably more hours from me and worked out that after tax, the school had offered me a pitiful £12 extra per to carry out these duties. It was the expectation that I’d be so honoured to be given a title that enraged me more than anything and the lack of value for my time and expertise.

c)When my lovely colleague was bullied out of her role by an awful new head of department.

d) The final nail in the coffin was them taking our teacher pensions away and playing a tiny violin to us all about how much it costs them, meanwhile they’re building new multi-million pound swimming pool and state of the art science lab to attract more customers. My heart flipping bleeds! Never mind the teachers educating the next generation of leaders using food banks, buying their own glue stick for the classrooms and unable to heat their homes.

Work til you drop or don’t. No one cares either way - so don’t! 💪🏼

Someone on MN once said to a poster who was having problems with her employer; 'You can sack your workplace you know'.

That was a total lightbulb for me. I could sack my employer. I had always been brought up to have puppy-like devotion to a job.

It took me another month but I finally ended up sacking my employer. Best decision I ever made.

Thank you for your responses everyone.

Some very sad stories but lessons learned. Some good attitudes to employment outlined.

On reflection, will shift to- LIFE/ work balance ( rather than the saying- work / life balance) as I think the emphasis should change.
Income aside, when you are loyal to an organisation/ your team/ your patients etc I think it can, in effect, keep you captive and fearful of change. Believe me there is a lot of undermining other trusts/ departments that goes on, which tries to keep you staying put.

I am now not scared or fearful of change as some of these posts have given reassurance that sometimes you have to think more of your needs and moving jobs can work out.

Will be looking at alternative jobs / roles , which may or may not come up, but knowing this has already changed my mindset and will inevitably help set up some boundaries at work in the mean time.

Thank you again for sharing your stories.

I tried to say in an earlier post that realising the nature of employment can actually be positive - it's a contract that both sides enter into willingly, and that either side can end accordingly to the terms within that contract. I'm currently mid-career, and find this mindset useful - I'm happy to work hard, but I won't do unpaid overtime, and I'll be mindful of burnout etc. I also won't stay in an awful working environment again (having done this previously).

The smarter ones look very busy but are actually doing the bare minimum and delegate work . I've seen plenty of managers in retail do this . Walking about with papers under their arms and phones in their hands . Spend all afternoon in an office drinking coffee , gossiping and pre tending to be doing work in a computer. Colleagues who act dumb and pretend not to know stuff , also good at looking busy but are doing the bare minimum.

Yep . When my husband got diagnosed with prostate cancer I informed my manager that if he was to have chemotherapy then I would be taking time off . She basically tried to manage me out from then on . This was a company that supported postrate cancer as its chosen charity . Luckily my husband only had low grade cancer but I will never make the mistake of informing a company again . It's not a problem until it really is . Lesson well and truly learned.

There are also the ones who talk the talk and put on a good show, say all the right things when management are around and fit into the boys club culture which sadly still exists.

Same here, 8 years of loyal service and then redundancy, just after I’d bought my first property with a huge mortgage too. Next employer was worse, the conditions made me ill and they couldn’t have cared less. Went self employed after that and don’t think I could ever go back to being an employee again.

Coming back from mat leave from my secodn. Before that I’d worked at the same place for 12 years . Since then the longest I’ve managed is 2 . I sort of use it as much as they use me. Current job is bad culture wise but good flexibility so I’m there but having a loose look around .

Took me 14 years! I'm also NHS, senior clinician and that realisation has led me to leave the NHS and move to higher Education. Although I did enjoy my job, I was sick of the bullying, blame culture and working my balls off to.improve things but not actually being able to make a difference.

I am retiring soon after a very long teaching career .Being berated for leaving when they still need my skills ( which they hadn’t paid me properly for)has made me absolutely sure I am doing the right thing .

49 - Assistant Head Teacher. Then Head humiliated me over a series of senior management meetings at the expense of much younger male AHTs. She was determined to clear the school of white, middle-aged, middle-class female teachers.

I left as did several other similar colleagues, she had a 40% HoD turnover during this campaign. Of course, I took all the resources I purchased with my own money, which annoyed the young guns who taught Economics & Politics alongside me.

I was 13 years into a job, always went above and beyond, loved my job and felt valued and respected then when I became disabled I was directly replaced. My boss told people I could no longer do my job because I was ‘sick’. I was managed out slowly over 18 months. With hindsight I should have left much much sooner and it destroyed my mental health and left me with zero work confidence. Looking back I’d have recognised the signs and left much sooner. I let them get away with blatant discrimination but didn’t have an ounce of strength left in me to fight it.

I work on an average week 3 times a week in a warehouse as an agency staff. I have worked there regularly for 3 years and always felt I went the extra mile. I didn't mind staying a couple of minutes to finish tidying and have never been late or missed a shift.
A few weeks ago I went in and we were doing a job I'd never done before but everyone else has spent most of the previous shift doing it. I was timed not long after the start of my shift and told it had taken me 6 minutes and I needed to speed up. Nothing else was said, the job was finished on time and I stayed an extra 5 minutes to tidy up. My immediate supervisor and the one above them both thanked me for my effort. A few minutes later the agency phoned me and told me that the company did not want them to book me anymore as I'm too slow and they would send me my p45. I was actually in shock!