Super-sensitive new colleague: how to manage

[GustyFinknottle]

I work in a sales and marketing team for a small company that doesn't have in-house HR. My manager has been on sick leave for five weeks and I, being the oldest and longest-serving member of the department, have been instructed to deal with this situation as best I can by my manager's manager (who is the company director/ owner).

Before he went off sick my manager recruited a young woman (a recent graduate) to work as an assistant. She's very conscientious and she seems super-sensitive about what I and my fellow colleagues would regard as normal work exchanges and feedback. It's a fairly relaxed environment and we understand that it takes a while to learn the systems and don't expect her to get everything right all the time.

Part of her work involves updating product specs. I was wfh a couple of weeks ago and couldn't find the updated version of a file I knew she'd been working on, so I emailed her saying 'Hi, I'm looking for the latest version of the XYZ file. Are you still working on it?' She responded that she had completed the task and uploaded the file. I took another look, still couldn't find it, so emailed asking her to double-check it was completed and she'd uploaded it. She said she had. It turned out, when I searched for it, that she'd accidentally changed the title and put it in the wrong folder. I called her to say I'd found it, told her what had happened and suggested it was something to look out for in the future. I assured her that it's still early days and that we've all done similar things. We laughed at how easy it was to do and that was that.

The following day I received an email telling me she felt I owed her an apology because I had accused her of not completing the work when she said she had. I responded in writing saying that I was sorry that was how she'd understood my words, but there was no accusation intended, I was just trying to work out where the file was. She came back saying she still thought I ought to apologise. I sat down with a cup of tea, wondered wtf was going on, gave it some thought and responded via email asking how how she'd like me to approach her in the future if something like this happened again. Her response was that if she tells me she's done something I need to trust that she has and not accuse her of lying, which she felt I had by asked her to double-check. She again asked for an apology in writing. I said I was sorry that she felt I was accusing her of not having completed the task and that seemed to satisfy her, but it was such a bizarre exchange that I haven't been able to relax around her since.

I thought I was the only one, but apparently something similar has been going on with two other colleagues. They've both been asked to apologise for the kind of functional communications that go on in every office I've worked in. They're both decent people who feel quite offended by her accusations. They've asked me to talk to her and have made it clear they feel that working with her is going to be a challenge. She is in week nine of a three month probationary period and this needs to be dealt with before the end of probation. My manager is off sick. I've asked the director for permission to involve the HR consultant and I'm waiting for a response, but I'd like to have a conversation with her in the next few days in order to put down a marker and then work out where to go from there.

Has anyone encountered anything like this? Is this a generational thing? I'm in my 50s, my other colleagues are at least 15 years older than her. Our adult children aren't like this but is this the new normal?

I was wondering about asking her if she was enjoying working here and seeing what she has to say. Would it be acceptable to say that I get the impression, from some of her communications with me and others, that she doesn't seem comfortable with the way our team communicates, and that's something she needs to work on? This is a pleasant place to work, everyone in the is pretty reasonable and good at what they do and we've been a good — and effective — team. Is it appropriate to alert her that being able to work comfortably with other team members, in an established office culture, is vital? That being able to handle reasonable requests and feedback from colleagues is all part of the job?

As a new graduate in a new probationary position, she is the one who should be treading carefully at the moment, not other way around. She sounds exhausting and like she is going to offended at every turn.

I have employed lots of graduates and this is not normal. There are som fabulous young people out there. But DH did employ someone similar once and it was a nightmare. DH is the kindest, fairest, most reasonable and personable person you could ever meet. He went above and beyond to make her comfortable, get her involved in projects and paid her over the odds. He is also extremely professional and careful about boundaries and respect.

At the end of the first week, she sent him a long email detailing the company 'short falls' and complaining about the 'over-familar' attitude of one woman who had specifically tried her best to be friendly by inviting her out for work drinks. She also complained that DH being the company Director felt a bit 'Misogynistic'. When DH pointed out that he was the Director because he had founded and grown the business, she told him that made her uncomfortable and why hadn't be also appointed a female Director? This was a company of less than 20 people.

She was also flaky, endlessly late and took about 9 random days off for 'headaches' and 'family emergencies' in the first 8 weeks. She didn't make it through probationary. There will always be a few like this. Get rid.

I am glad you have an HR consultant because you are correct this needs sorting immediately. In my experience the fact they have done this in writing several times is a red flag and unfortunately they probably won’t change and in a small company you don’t need this entitled attitude.

She responded that she had completed the task and uploaded the file. I took another look, still couldn't find it, so emailed asking her to double-check it was completed and she'd uploaded it.

Why did you ask her to double check if it was completed, when she told you she completed and uploaded it. You could have asked her to double check where she uploaded but it was unnecessary to ask if she completed it.

I can imagine her making a mistake in uploading in a wrong folder but a staff saying they finished the work, and you asking them to double check if they completed sounds like you don't believe they completed it.

I don't know if she is supersenitive but she can stand up for herself. Maybe she should have let this go but you also made a big deal by suggesting she didnt complete the work when it was a file not uploaded in right location and title was updated.

Saying I am sorry if you feel that way is also not taking responsibility for own interaction.

https://www.theverge.com/22684730/students-file-folder-directory-structure-education-gen-z

The other thing in all of this is that Gen Z don't really get filing in the way that people who have been using an Desktop OS for years do. So in her mind she probably does think its all been done properly, whereas you know that it hasn't.

So I would have a catch up to run through the filing system again, explaining why things are done in the ways that they are, and remind her that it's better to ask colleagues if she's not sure about how things should be done - no one expects her to know everything in her first few weeks, you just expect her to be willing to learn.

Put a stop to it asap, we do mid-probation check-in meetings at my company and we discuss in detail feedback.

I would say something like:
'We need to address your requests for written apologies, in the instance of the situation with the updated document you had indeed completed part of the task which requires you to amend and update, however by re-naming and placing the document in an incorrect area, I was unable to locate and confirm that the document was indeed correct. I would really like to draw a line under all of this, but moving forward if you are provided with constructed feedback, asked to clarify tasks you have completed I kindly urge you not to take this as a personal attack. We all grow and develop through learning and understanding and if you are never given constructive feedback you will never improve in your role'.

We are all human but emotions can make professional environments, she needs to realise that it is not personal. She will get eaten up in a lot of corporate environments if she keeps displaying this behaviour.

She should be gone in a heartbeat. You don't have to wait until the end of her probation either, terminate now. The probationary period is the time where she should be showing you the very best of her performance to demonstrate that she is the right person for the job but she's not doing that. She's creating tension, not taking feedback, and not demonstrating a growth mindset which is essential for people new to their roles.

Get both emails from the other people who have had issues with her, get notes on what happened and so you have plenty of evidence for the lack of suitability to the workplace.

I would then suggest that you get your boss/bosses boss/whomever, to have a meeting with her with the HR consultant taking notes, and fire her, paying any notice due in lieu.

God Almighty, you can't write this. It's totally inappropriate.

There are proper ways of dealing with issues in teams. This isn't one!

I would also not class this as normal, at the end of the day they didn't do the work. Good luck!

Yes. This is not normal behaviour from a new employee.

This is ridiculous. I sympathise with people who are a bit oversensitive as upbringing often has a lot to do with that, but demanding you apologise? No way!

Threads like this show how many managers really can't manage. Shouldn't surprise anyone who has some workplace experience, there are shit managers everywhere, and yet it's always an eye opener.

Yes, this employee is being difficult and maybe she's not a fit, but she's very young, new and inexperienced. The managers in their 40s, 50s and beyond really don't have that excuse and they're supposed to be able to deal with situations like this in a more mature and profession way than many of then are showing here.

The number of them going straight for adversarial, authoritarian and hostile responses, and deciding to sling her out without even trying to help her improve!

Honestly.go through the process of getting rid ASAP. Which in reality is way harder than you think .
Better an unsuccessful probation than an employee who is a lot of work from the word go .I've been burned

This!
She will get progressively worse.

Op, I don’t at all condone her behaviour, I’d be thinking the same as you in this situation.

But I do think if you’d phoned her and said ‘I know you’ve said you’ve done the work but I’m having trouble finding it, could you have a look for me’ you’d have got a different outcome.

It might be worth asking her how she wants to receive feedback - in a normal office you may have just said ‘Oi Gen Y, I can’t find this document, can you tell me where it is’ and your tone and body language would’ve done the work for you.

In an email, she has to interpret the tone and how she does that depends on how she feels that day, the stress she came in with, the love she is or isn’t feeling from the team, if she’s out of her depth etc.

You can do this exercise with everyone in a room together too, so that actually everyone understands how people prefer to work, be contacted and receive feedback.

We’ve lost a lot of tacit communication working from home, sometimes it’s worth making the effort to put it back.

@DrSbaitso there are also experienced managers who can recognise a toxic employee a mile away. Not worth it.

Yes, it makes sense. She is very young and inexperienced and her manager is not available. Maybe she will take time to adjust to older colleagues as due to their age gap, they may have different way of communicating. She may need some mentoring.

In an email, she has to interpret the tone and how she does that depends on how she feels that day, the stress she came in with, the love she is or isn’t feeling from the team, if she’s out of her depth etc.
She has now joined the wonderful word of work, not Year 7.

Without even giving her a chance to improve? Without even trying? And dealing with it by sending long, hostile, authoritarian emails all about how shit she is, or some equivalent crap, self-indulgent tactic that's designed to do anything except get the best out of her?

Like I said, crap managers everywhere.

@AliOlis yes she has. And OP has joined the wonderful world of management. And this is exactly why large organisations give management training in VUCA and Open Reflective Practice, because they appreciate what you come in with affects how you perceive your job and do it.

you can sit and say all you like about ‘just do your job’ but happier employees are more productive, employees that reflect are more productive and happier. In some studies 23% more productive. So it does have a place.

Treating people as computers who should just do, doesn’t work, treating people as humans means we understand their own perspective and they from there we can understand how to move them to the organisation’s perspective. We’re not asking her how we pander to her needs, we’re asking her what her preference is so that as a manager we get the best out of her and we know what reactions we will get, what to anticipate and how to respond to them.

The one thing I would have done differently would be to call her when she makes a mistake instead of emailing. If she doesn't understand workplace culture, I can see how she might feel like you are accusing her by sending an email instead of picking up the phone.

Was this whole exchange via email? That doesn't sound appropriate for a new graduate starter.

What are her communication skills like in general?
Does she usually understand typical conversations or instructions?

@AliOlis 😂

@DrSbaitso OP didn’t send a long waffly, unprofessional email though, just described some extremely shocking behaviours by what appears to be a very very bad hire. 🚩 🚩 🚩

All of this couldve been avoided by face to face discussing it right from the first query.

Having said that the OP shouldn’t be managing this situation as it’s escalated. HR/CEO’s responsibility in the absence of the grads manager.

What else has she done ?
I think if you have a situation like this again, write you question differently.
From
To
Reference. File.
I have just looked to file name x. Location y. As per screen shot it says it was last updated on DD.MM.YEAR.
Can you please update me on this matter.

She will then have to send you an update on where or why the folder is no correct. Cover yourself as you will need evidence should you wish to dismiss or discipline her.