Is my colleague being unreasonable?

[user01082312345]

I work for a big company, but I'm part of a small team within our department (four people including myself). We work from home, and I have yet to meet any of my team in person. The head of our department said that each quarter, we can meet up for a team lunch at a restaurant of our choice, and the company will pay $35 per head. I'm the least senior person in my team, and it was left to one woman in our team to organise the lunch meetup. However, she wanted to wait until the warmer weather came so that we can eat outside since she "doesn't feel comfortable eating inside a restaurant." We found a reasonably priced restaurant with an outside terrace and we are scheduled to meet up there tomorrow for our free lunch. Tomorrow is literally the last chance we have to meet up, but it's forecast to rain. I asked my team member if the lunch would still be going ahead as planned, and she said that she would prefer not to eat indoors, and that she would check the weather tomorrow morning and let us know.

She didn't give any reason for saying why she doesn't want to eat indoors. She is a young female with no health issues (none that I'm aware of..: and I know for a fact she smokes weed so I doubt she has respiratory problems..) I just think it's kinda pathetic that she is refusing us all a team lunch because of her own selfish preferences... I'm a mum to a young toddler so I don't often get the opportunity to socialise and get out of the house. I was really looking forward to meeting my colleagues in person.

I don’t want to sound preachy but I think some compassion would go a long way here. Some people don’t (and shouldn’t have to) talk about their medical situation, covid has left people with a lot of mental scars and anxieties, and it’s not always something people can ‘just get over’. Who knows they may have had a relative die of covid and just be struggling to allow risk back into their lives. I know it is very very low risk now. And I agree it shouldn’t negatively impact others wanting some company. But I would say be very gentle and see if there is a compromise that suits everyone. It is July so even if it’s wet, it’s not cold.

You are being unreasonable. You don't know the reason so cannot judge it. You should perhaps consider a supportive approach instead of trying to force her hand. Maybe, 1 on 1, and making it clear you understand if its personal and she doesn't want to share, but you wondered if the issue was related to physical health, anxiety, phobia... Just because you were wondering if you could support it and help plan the next meeting to suit her needs. Maybe even explain to her why it's important to you that you meet up so she understands your side as well.

So many auto immune diseases cannot be seen. She could be on immunosuppression. She could be scared because of covid. Maybe she lost someone to covid or had a bad experience herself. It could be an eating disorder issue. It could be a phobia or enclosed spaces. It could be related to autism with inside busy noisy spaces feeling over whelming or harder to control. It could be due to hearing problems. The list of unseen things which could cause anxiety around meeting in an inside busy environment are endless and many significant. So be kind.

Where? Have not found anything like that on UK

She sounds so entitled. One person is dictating how the meet-up needs to be convenient for HER, and to hell with the rest of the "team". Have a "majority vote", and if she doesn't want to dine indoors, she shouldn't be forced to; she'll only mope and bring everyone else down to her level because she didn't get her way.