Is my colleague being unreasonable?

[user01082312345]

I work for a big company, but I'm part of a small team within our department (four people including myself). We work from home, and I have yet to meet any of my team in person. The head of our department said that each quarter, we can meet up for a team lunch at a restaurant of our choice, and the company will pay $35 per head. I'm the least senior person in my team, and it was left to one woman in our team to organise the lunch meetup. However, she wanted to wait until the warmer weather came so that we can eat outside since she "doesn't feel comfortable eating inside a restaurant." We found a reasonably priced restaurant with an outside terrace and we are scheduled to meet up there tomorrow for our free lunch. Tomorrow is literally the last chance we have to meet up, but it's forecast to rain. I asked my team member if the lunch would still be going ahead as planned, and she said that she would prefer not to eat indoors, and that she would check the weather tomorrow morning and let us know.

She didn't give any reason for saying why she doesn't want to eat indoors. She is a young female with no health issues (none that I'm aware of..: and I know for a fact she smokes weed so I doubt she has respiratory problems..) I just think it's kinda pathetic that she is refusing us all a team lunch because of her own selfish preferences... I'm a mum to a young toddler so I don't often get the opportunity to socialise and get out of the house. I was really looking forward to meeting my colleagues in person.

There are actually people who aren't eating indoors in 2023 because of Covid? (based on multiple replies in this thread.) Absolutely bonkers.

I vote they can't be arsed to join in.

She’s smart and is avoiding covid. Who in earth wants a vascular disease that causes brain damage? I’d give her a promotion as her brain will be fully functioning unlike everyone else who’s allowed themselves to be infected multiple times.

Ummm, why should any sane person be exposed to a brain altering disease just because of the someone like you?

Out of interest, whereabouts are you living if you don't mind me asking, @FluffyFlannery ? is it in the states?

Your colleagues sound highly unprofessional. If they have a real disability (health anxiety or whatever) they should go through the proper medical procedures and have it documented as a reasonable adjustment.
Cancelling work lunches because they 'don't want to' screams of CBA.

The colleague may have a real disability and have gone through proper medical procedures and have properly documented reasonable adjustment. It would be none of the OP's business so she wouldn't know.

Nobody genuinely wants the lunch except you @oldblighty27

I’m in Asia where we take far better precautions. UK is awash with covid. Shocking to see the complacency and lack of care about a brain altering disease.

I bet your office Christmas party gets featured on all the social media platforms as the event to go to.

🙂

Er, Asia is a vast place and every country has different attitudes towards COVID. In the Asian country I live in, Japan, COVID is everywhere, just like it is in the UK (and we've mostly been eating indoors throughout the pandemic, frankly). Which country are you in, then?

I would ask my manager to officially let me organize, organize something indoors, and let The Anxious One stay home if she wants to.

Prefer my right to privacy. Don’t need to tell you a thing frankly.

Japan is still very much masking. Unfortunately people remove their masks to eat in communal settings and children bring it home but the awareness of covid is mainstream.

The UK is completely oblivious and do not care at all. It will be and is to their peril.

Where did you get information that Covid is still killing 250 people per week in the UK?

I’ve had anxiety for over 20 years. It’s not a disability and the worse thing you can do is allow it to control every situation and the behaviour of others. I think of my anxiety as like a fire that is fed by oxygen of attention - it gets bigger and bigger until it feels overwhelming. Every time I do something that is dictated by it - avoid a busy meeting, cancel a plan - I feel a whoosh of relief which tells my brain “avoiding that was the right thing to do” which is relieving in the short term but totally unhelpful long term. Accommodating anxiety is not a good thing.

I WFH and I rarely choose to meet up with colleagues even if it’s free food.

Did you just call someone pathetic for not wanting to get covid indoors? You are the selfish one. Not her. You clearly understand nothing about Covid.

Stats literally everywhere

I wouldn't.

as a manager, if I thought this was becoming an overly complex timesink that was distracting the team from, you know actually doing some work (!) I'd scale it back and say tea/coffee in the office with cake or whatever. I can't believe all this palaver just for 1 meal. Thankfully I'm public sector and no way would we have a funded meal every quarter, it would have to be self-funded and outside core hours.

If she doesn't want to eat indoors I would respect that. Whether this is because of a Covid-related health issue or anxiety, it is valid. You actually don't have a right to know about any health issues she might have, and you certainly don't have a right to force her inside if she doesn't want to. I suspect she just would not attend so I don't know what you would expect to achieve anyway.

Just because she is young and smokes cannabis does not mean she doesn't have a health issue. Cannabis is often used as relief from pain anyway so it means absolutely nothing.

It IS indeed the OP's business - the lunches keep being cancelled because of this.
Having had more than my fair share of chancers it's interesting that everyone falls over themselves to justify anxiety etc. But then again, MN is full of people who are scared of everything, won't open doors etc and would love the world to be in lockdown forever.

As I manager I'd want to know about this. But then again, we run a proper profit making business. If we allocate money for something, it means that it's important to the bottom line, and we want it to be used.
My team would never behave like this, and yes, we have an entire range of disabilities. Almost every single one of us is neurodiverse for starters.

If they CBA to 'drive in the rain' what makes you think they're going to come into the office?

Another thing is that if WFH isn't in their contracts it could be withdrawn at any time. If the company is using this 'once a quarter' compromise it's best to not ignore even that
The alternative is everyone coming on. Of course, only if the contracts haven't actually been amended...

From the Office for National Statistics.

Info for March 2023 (624 deaths, around 5% of all deaths)
ONS Report here

info for most recent week in June 2023 it was 189 around 2% of all deaths Report here

covid is still killing a number of people. We should have HEPA filters in all public buildings to reduce all pathogens. Clean air should be as important as clean water.

pity our government gives zero fucks about protecting any of us and would rather enrich themselves/their mates!

I’ve had anxiety for over 20 years. It’s not a disability and the worse thing you can do is allow it to control every situation and the behaviour of others. I think of my anxiety as like a fire that is fed by oxygen of attention - it gets bigger and bigger until it feels overwhelming. Every time I do something that is dictated by it - avoid a busy meeting, cancel a plan - I feel a whoosh of relief which tells my brain “avoiding that was the right thing to do” which is relieving in the short term but totally unhelpful long term. Accommodating anxiety is not a good thing.

Yup, this.

Modern internet-centred treatment of mental health issues is like CBT in reverse: "Tell yourself you have no control over the thing you find difficult, turn the difficulty into a facet of your identity, avoid the thing you find difficult, and tell yourself that refraining from doing anything that feels hard constitutes an act of self-care."

As opposed to "stop catastrophizing, break the problem down into small chunks, practice the things you find difficult little by little starting with small things [example: sitting in an indoor restaurant], and reward and praise yourself for doing them."

yes,
covid worry
ability to smoke
feels the heat?
are my guesses

They are willing to accomodate her, but they shouldn't have to miss out if they can't.

Sounds like no one other than the OP actually wants to have this lunch anyway so this one person's reason is moot now.