Is my colleague being unreasonable?

[user01082312345]

I work for a big company, but I'm part of a small team within our department (four people including myself). We work from home, and I have yet to meet any of my team in person. The head of our department said that each quarter, we can meet up for a team lunch at a restaurant of our choice, and the company will pay $35 per head. I'm the least senior person in my team, and it was left to one woman in our team to organise the lunch meetup. However, she wanted to wait until the warmer weather came so that we can eat outside since she "doesn't feel comfortable eating inside a restaurant." We found a reasonably priced restaurant with an outside terrace and we are scheduled to meet up there tomorrow for our free lunch. Tomorrow is literally the last chance we have to meet up, but it's forecast to rain. I asked my team member if the lunch would still be going ahead as planned, and she said that she would prefer not to eat indoors, and that she would check the weather tomorrow morning and let us know.

She didn't give any reason for saying why she doesn't want to eat indoors. She is a young female with no health issues (none that I'm aware of..: and I know for a fact she smokes weed so I doubt she has respiratory problems..) I just think it's kinda pathetic that she is refusing us all a team lunch because of her own selfish preferences... I'm a mum to a young toddler so I don't often get the opportunity to socialise and get out of the house. I was really looking forward to meeting my colleagues in person.

Sympathy usually for someone who prefers to eat outdoors, though if as the OP says, the colleague smokes weed, that is lost.

😂 no it’s not, and the OP doesn’t seem to be in the UK anyway, seeing as she’s talking about dollars, not pounds.

This means that 209 people that died, had COVID, not that they died FROM COVID.

She needs to arrange it and forego attending.

That's it. Why should the rest of you miss out?

She can attend the next one or pop in for a few mins to say hello.

I think someone needs to take responsibility here otherwise it won't happen.

Even if she had shared any hidden disabilities with the team, it is beyond entitled to expect everyone else to pander to them. Being considerate is one thing. Missing out as a team because of one person’s issues is another.

Good post. While I don’t agree anxiety isn’t a disability - it certainly can be - I have anxiety to and am heartily sick of it being used as an excuse for behaviour like this. ‘Maybe they have anxiety’ is wheeled out as an unassailable reason as to why someone can’t do something and mustn’t be challenged. When it is actually often both possible and healthy to push on and do things that make you anxious.

In op’s situation I’d give up on this team though. If out of four people, she is the only one keen to meet she’s flogging a dead horse. I’d be asking if there were other teams or individuals I could meet up with and, if not, look for somewhere else.

I think it’s fine for her to not want to eat indoors, lots of people have issues with germs or cramped spaces. It’s not pathetic.

Its not fine for the entire meal to be cancelled just for one person though.

She needs to just say I’m sorry but I can’t come as I can’t eat indoors.

The others just sound like they cba to go.
Not everyone wants to meet their colleagues outside of work and it is a bit of an inconvenience for everyone so they’re bound to make excuses as to why they can’t go.

I love my colleagues and we meet up regularly but this is the first place I’ve ever done that.
Most workplaces I couldn’t think of anything worse, not because I disliked my previous colleagues but because I was busy and my free time was spent with people who I chose to be around like family and friends.

YANBU to think it should go ahead without her (although if she didn't want to organise and got lumbered with it anyway then I can see why she is being awkward - maybe offer to organise the next one? And find somewhere with covered outdoor seating?)

YABVU to dismiss her reasons for not eating indoors as invalid, as are other posters on this thread. There are a lot of people that minor germs are a huge problem for. She may have an immunosuppression herself (you say you don't know about her health situation) or may be living with or caring for someone for whom covid would be a death sentence. It's really not that difficult to think through the reasons she might want to eat outdoors. Have some empathy.

Oh yes it is. You’re just not being told.

But good luck of you think you’re safe 😂😂😂

If it makes you feel better 😂

Ok, I mean I live here, but yeah, I’m sure you know best 🙄
Still irrelevant to the OP seeing as she doesn’t live here though.

It’s a fact, but if it makes you feel better to pretend we’re all in more danger than we are, you knock yourself out.

I haven't read the full thread, but have read all OPs posts, so not sure if this has already been said but it sounds to me like they don't actually want to go and are looking for any old excess.

If I were you OP and I'd let do all the arranging and go if it actually goes ahead show up but otherwise just leave it.

I'm not sure I'd fancy a lunch with 3 people when no one really knows each other to be fair, sounds like it could be hard work - there's no such thng as a free lunch!

Oh yes it is. You’re just not being told

Who's telling you, then?

@Kokeshi123 spot on!

I was going to suggest the same.

This is HER choice. No-one else's.

Plus- is to nor more likely that she would want to eat outside so that she CAN smoke?

I also hate eating outside. Stuff blows around, and I freely admit I am pretty bug-phobic and have a paralyzing fear of stinging insects. It is never, ever a pleasant experience for me, though if it was screened in, that would be fine. Luckily, after 6+ decades, the people that know and love me best, understand and don't push it. Much.

Oh dear god. I suppose you’re one of those particularly charming people who say that vulnerable people would have died anyway.

the shitty ableist comments on this thread sadly aren’t surprising but they are depressing. I suppose it must be a lovely delusional bubble to be in if neither you nor your nearest and dearest have a vulnerability yet.

Yes, stating a fact means I’m a shitty person, thank you for being so reasonable. 🤨
It’s nothing to do with disabled people, you could die in a car crash, and if you test positive for COVID, it would still be recorded as one of the 209. I lost vulnerable people to COVID as I’m sure many of us have, so please don’t speak like I don’t care about anyone just because I pointed out what these stats actually represent.

Fluffy fanny you are so funny. I live in the Uk. I have never had covid or my husband. He commutes via underground each day and I work with high risk children. We both eat inside ( gasp) restaurants. Stop trolling the uk and refusing to say where you come from. Chances are it’s China that gave us covid anyway!

Awash? Currently around 300 cases a day in a population of 67.3 million.

Lol at the idea that "Asia" is judging us on infection control 😆

According to their contribution on another thread, this poster comes from a culture that's superior to the British one in every way. I'm with that one on 'brain altering disease,' although not in the way that's probably meant.

so you can only meet on this persons terms? Nope, I'd be arranging a quarterly 'last Friday of the quarter' standing date in everyone's diary and then take it in turns to organise/pick the venue - if someone can't come that quarter for any reason no probs, see you next quarter!

so not even close to 250/week and less than 5% of all deaths. You are ridiculous.