Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Is my colleague being unreasonable?

154 replies

user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 03:29

I work for a big company, but I'm part of a small team within our department (four people including myself). We work from home, and I have yet to meet any of my team in person. The head of our department said that each quarter, we can meet up for a team lunch at a restaurant of our choice, and the company will pay $35 per head. I'm the least senior person in my team, and it was left to one woman in our team to organise the lunch meetup. However, she wanted to wait until the warmer weather came so that we can eat outside since she "doesn't feel comfortable eating inside a restaurant." We found a reasonably priced restaurant with an outside terrace and we are scheduled to meet up there tomorrow for our free lunch. Tomorrow is literally the last chance we have to meet up, but it's forecast to rain. I asked my team member if the lunch would still be going ahead as planned, and she said that she would prefer not to eat indoors, and that she would check the weather tomorrow morning and let us know.

She didn't give any reason for saying why she doesn't want to eat indoors. She is a young female with no health issues (none that I'm aware of..: and I know for a fact she smokes weed so I doubt she has respiratory problems..) I just think it's kinda pathetic that she is refusing us all a team lunch because of her own selfish preferences... I'm a mum to a young toddler so I don't often get the opportunity to socialise and get out of the house. I was really looking forward to meeting my colleagues in person.

OP posts:
Original poster
user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 13:38

An update for anyone who is interested: the woman messaged our team this morning saying that because of the rain and smog warnings, she reckons we should postpone lunch. Another member of the team also chimed in, saying "sounds good! High allergy air too!" They said they would stay indoors with their air purifiers on, and it was also unsafe to drive on the highway in the rain....

To me, this isn't living! How can these people be afraid of venturing outdoors?? Or eating inside a restaurant for an hour?? Crazy.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/06/2023 13:38

Maybe she has a hidden disability, maybe she can't be arsed to leave the comfort of her own home.

Organise it yourself and invite the Head of Dept. You'll soon see whether it's the former or the latter.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/06/2023 13:39

user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 13:38

An update for anyone who is interested: the woman messaged our team this morning saying that because of the rain and smog warnings, she reckons we should postpone lunch. Another member of the team also chimed in, saying "sounds good! High allergy air too!" They said they would stay indoors with their air purifiers on, and it was also unsafe to drive on the highway in the rain....

To me, this isn't living! How can these people be afraid of venturing outdoors?? Or eating inside a restaurant for an hour?? Crazy.

They can't be arsed.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/06/2023 13:43

Contact your head of department discretely to simply say that after numerous attempts to arrange a team lunch it hasn't happened. That you would really like the opportunity to meet your direct team and/or be invited to other wider events and you'd appreciate her support in integrating you to the company.

TheSeaDoesntKnowMyName · 29/06/2023 13:47

user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 13:38

An update for anyone who is interested: the woman messaged our team this morning saying that because of the rain and smog warnings, she reckons we should postpone lunch. Another member of the team also chimed in, saying "sounds good! High allergy air too!" They said they would stay indoors with their air purifiers on, and it was also unsafe to drive on the highway in the rain....

To me, this isn't living! How can these people be afraid of venturing outdoors?? Or eating inside a restaurant for an hour?? Crazy.

so you replied with "we can still go - and sit indoors"

Beautiful3 · 29/06/2023 13:51

You'll have to take over the arrangements and book indoor meals. If one person doesn't want to come, that's fine so long at the majority attend. You could call up the venue and ask if they have spaces Indoors? If they do, email everyone saying it's still on, but indoors.

HornchurchClaire · 29/06/2023 13:51

Has this company always been a work-from-home type of job? As I'm getting the impression it's something that suits the employees fine and they perhaps don't have any intention of meeting up IRL? Out of interest (and sorry if I missed it) whereabouts are you guys? Crazy indeed.

HornchurchClaire · 29/06/2023 13:51

THIS. 😂

Original poster
user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 13:52

Beautiful3 · 29/06/2023 13:51

You'll have to take over the arrangements and book indoor meals. If one person doesn't want to come, that's fine so long at the majority attend. You could call up the venue and ask if they have spaces Indoors? If they do, email everyone saying it's still on, but indoors.

There are only four of us in the team. One doesn't want to sit indoors, one is afraid to drive on the highway in the rain (it's literally a light drizzle), and the other guy isn't even responding to the group chat.

OP posts:
Original poster
user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 13:53

HornchurchClaire · 29/06/2023 13:51

Has this company always been a work-from-home type of job? As I'm getting the impression it's something that suits the employees fine and they perhaps don't have any intention of meeting up IRL? Out of interest (and sorry if I missed it) whereabouts are you guys? Crazy indeed.

No, employees only started WFH during Covid.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 29/06/2023 13:56

That's a shame, OP. It sounds to me as if your colleagues aren't really interested in meeting up. If the social aspects of work are important to you, it might be worth looking for a different role where the culture supports that a bit more? It doesn't sound like you're ever going to get what you're looking for from your current team.

TheSeaDoesntKnowMyName · 29/06/2023 14:03

what is wrong with people, can't you and the other person meet up?

MykonosMaiden · 29/06/2023 14:15

Your colleagues sound highly unprofessional. If they have a real disability (health anxiety or whatever) they should go through the proper medical procedures and have it documented as a reasonable adjustment.
Cancelling work lunches because they 'don't want to' screams of CBA.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams has the right idea, you need to raise this higher up. The fact that the company has allocated a budget means that it's important. It's not fair for you to miss our, especially as the most junior member (who usually benefit more from face time).

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 29/06/2023 14:18

user01082312345 · 29/06/2023 13:52

There are only four of us in the team. One doesn't want to sit indoors, one is afraid to drive on the highway in the rain (it's literally a light drizzle), and the other guy isn't even responding to the group chat.

Show quote history

They're not interested in these team lunches. Lots of people don't want to socialise with colleagues outside work. You're going to have to let it go.

LadinLee · 29/06/2023 14:48

I agree with others, those colleagues don't want to do this.
I would still go with other persons
Send an email copying in the manager who suggested it saying

"shame X and Y can't make it due to the weather. We'll just go ahead ourselves then Z and catch up with the others next month "

Noodles1234 · 29/06/2023 17:46

Does she smoke normal cigarettes? Maybe she wants to smoke, or has Covid phobia or something?
Odd though, shouldn’t impact your meal if she doesn’t want to attend.

Noodles1234 · 29/06/2023 17:47

Plus I hate eating outside June onwards - all the flies come and land on my food.

Joeylove88 · 29/06/2023 17:53

Could she have anxiety about eating indoors? Iv definitely experienced anxiety like that before. I think sometimes If it's very busy or noisy in some places that can make people uncomfortable especially if you already struggle with anxiety. It's definitely a thing! Maybe ask her privately? If it's just a preference then that's silly and I'd definitely still go ahead regardless of her wants.

Dinkler · 29/06/2023 18:09

Email her what you said here with you manager copied in.

She might see this anyway as it's quite specific isn't it.

Ps not everyone young has no illnesses or conditions. Just stop bitching and email/ask.

SweetStrawberrie · 29/06/2023 20:44

Unfortunately OP these lunches are obviously not compulsory and if the others don't want to go, for any reason really, it's disappointing for you but something you will need to suck up.

The other alternative is finding work somewhere with more social activity

donquixotedelamancha · 29/06/2023 21:17
  1. Offer to organise.
  2. Book it and go, regardless of the others.
  3. If they don't come, eat and drink $140 worth of food and booze.
Ingles2 · 29/06/2023 21:19

she's pocketing the cash right?

WhimHoff · 29/06/2023 21:22

You can’t call off lunch because it rains.

ilovesushi · 29/06/2023 21:26

Do you miss out on your lunch this quarter if it's cancelled? I think you should push ahead with it and get your free lunch. If none of them turn up, just enjoy the food and the fresh air - and potentially rain. They sound miserable! Sorry you are working with such lame colleagues.

Vegandiva · 29/06/2023 21:29

donquixotedelamancha · 29/06/2023 21:17

  1. Offer to organise.
  2. Book it and go, regardless of the others.
  3. If they don't come, eat and drink $140 worth of food and booze.

and @ilovesushi - completely agree! Shame, it sounds like @oldblighty27 will miss out this quarter on her free lunch! 😝