Working from home with baby - Advice

[Gem2x87]

Hi,

I'm currently pregnant with my first child due on 20th September. My plan is to take 3 months off then go back to work full time. I hear that I might need to start looking at childcare very soon. I was wondering if anyone had any advice. My company allows 2 days working from home. I have the 3 days in the office covered with my husband and mum. I would like to work from home with the baby the other 2 days so I can spend more time with him/her. My company would probably be quite relaxed about it as long as I get the work done but I don't want too much of my weekends/evenings being eaten up. How long do you think it would be manageable to work from home with the baby and what age would you think it would be better to use childcare?

Thank you

I'm not calling anyone a "bad mother".

It is a long time now since any of my children was 15 months old, but I know that what I did with them at that age was talk to them and read to them and sing to them pretty much all the time. Not in an intense way, but in the way of talking to them while I was putting a wash on (talking about what I was doing, getting them to help, etc), talking to them at the shops (talking about what we were doing, getting them to count out apples or whatever, asking them to find two red apples, one big yellow banana etc, etc), talking to them about what we were having for lunch and getting them to "help" to make it, taking them out and about to expose them to a wide range of people and places (taking them to the butcher to ask for sausages, the post office to ask for stamps etc). That's the kind of thing I was doing with my children when they were 15 months old. They also spent time playing on their own/with each other, time having tantrums and time pottering around. But I was always there and not focussing on something that mattered (which work, obviously does). If I was reading a newspaper (fat chance), I could obviously just drop it if a small toddler suddenly decided to climb on the window sill or whatever. If I had had to work, I would have far sooner had my children looked after by a CM or even a nursery at that age. Ideally a nanny, but I could never have afforded it, and a parent WFH is no fun for a nanny!

It's not about being a bad mother.

It's about being dishonest with your employer, who pay you to perform a role, not pay your to mind a child.

You will look back at this post and cringe in a few months when you realise what the reality of looking after a baby actually looks and feels like

Believe me you can make all the plans in the world when expecting your first baby but unfortunately your baby won’t necessarily comply with them! Supposing your baby is a terrible sleeper who keeps you up at night ? How are you going to cope day after day sleep deprived, My DS only went 2 hours between feeds day and night for months. Getting anything done was very difficult. I know of a pregnant mum planning on going away with DP when baby is 3 months (leaving baby behind) because baby will be in a routine by then. I was speechless!!

YUP

You think you are going on honeymoon to the Bahamas all inclusive. You have blissful daydreams about it, the serenity, the perfection, Mother Earth.

In actual fact you are helicopter dropped along the Amazon with no survival skills, no phone, no supplies, no jabs/malaria tabs and you have to wade through.

Think the consensus is that work with baby is no go.

Use your accumulated annual leave to work 4 days a week until it runs out. Then if that works out, apply for 4 days permanently. (Not compressed hours but part time?
Looking after baby whilst trying to work is not an option and your employers probably won't allow it. What if you have a teams call when your baby is crying?

Would you be happy if the childminder came to work with her own baby?
No, because she wouldn't give your child her full attention.

Who Was dishonest ? The op has never said they would nit be informed . I’m a team leader I know 3 in my team have work children and it’s them when they work from home . I have absolutely no issue with this because it has never impacted their work . Nor everyone struggles as some , I was a single working mum to 2 if my 3 kids including one with severe autism and I can openly say I never spend a day without a shower , eating or able to do basic stuff , some here seem completely unable to multitask and struggle a lot more it’s babies , which , by the way , it’s perfectly ok , but doesn’t mean everyone is that way .So not everyone can be judges the same way

I think some posters have been a bit harsh to pclare but it would worry me doing intense work while a 15m old was eating. That to me actually is potentially dangerous due to choking risk and an example of why I don’t think it is an ideal set-up. With little ones it is too easy to have near misses. I certainly felt like we had some during lockdown so I’m not trying to say I was a perfect parent- very much far from it.

@Nothingisblackandwhite

No employer worth their salt would agree to or advocate this. A one off day of sickness may be ignored, but working from home as a rule with a newborn, toddler or any child under the age of 8 for me would be negligent.

I don't know what kind of job you do, but I just don't see how it's possible (having done it under duress in lockdown, it is negligent to the kids and your work, not to mention you).

If it's your own business, of course you can do it, but more fool you if you don't think there's an impact coming down the line.

Totally selfish and irresponsible for your baby not to mention your team mates (unless your wfh days you plan to work all evening and night to make up for it)

Not to mention shitting on all women everywhere who actually do a good job both as parents and employees

The OP said that she doesn't want her evenings and weekends cut into too much.

So what she wants is to have her cake and eat it, no such job exists im afraid, not without good solid childcare

Exactly. Selfish and putting back women everywhere

It’s just not doable at all.

My advice is to get childcare

i wfh with baby from october 21. I did have childcare but she was often home due to a cough (nursery applied covid rules very strictly back then and ive since found out she has asthma)

i would feel completely pulled.. crying baby/hungry baby/baby wanting to be held close vs teams meeting/trying to type urgent emails/hopelessly wanting to read something.

the result was an unhappy mum and unhappy baby - so i stopped trying towork when baby was sent home from nursery. I learned that you can’t do juggle two full time jobs and you end up being a poor version of yourself in both roles

I’m a solicitor , my team are obviously mostly solicitors . I can assure you based on our yearly reviews and profit we are worth more than salt 🙄.
My sister also works for one of the biggest insurers in the U.K. with again a high up management position and works from home with the kids ( although the younger is now 12 she started doing it 7 years ago , this was suggested by her own company when my nephew was very poorly and she needed to stay with him at home for over a year with him .
2 in my team have young children and I have no issues with them working from home . As I said just because some are blessed to never needing to multitask much , doesn’t mean it cannot be done . Years and years ago at a stage I worked a 30 hour job , went to uni and cared for my SEN child . If things are needed , they can be done .

Thank you for this, @Nothingisblackandwhite , as I was just about to ask what kind of jobs people do where they can also look after their small babies and children. It's possibly about multitasking, but also perhaps some jobs are less "full on" I suppose, in that interruptions are ok, and you can dip in and out. If you're answering emails and organising some teams meetings I can see that you could manage childcare, although you'd still have to be very well organised and a bit lucky with an easy child/children like the pp.

Hmm I guess it partly depends on what the job role is like. People are not really describing their jobs ( I know it’s difficult because of outing) but those of us who have had jobs where you couldn’t possibly look after a baby or young child at the same time are struggling to get what you do.
I also think some posters pro working while caring for children are possibly using a lot of flexibility eg doing stuff when partner is home or something. No law against that of course but it’s easier than doing it all by yourself.
One question: you know how frustrating it is if your friend/partner/teenager is distracted by their phone or video game if you are trying to spend time with them or talk to them? What do you think it’s like for the baby who only has part of your attention/eye contact etc. if you are always squeezing in emails?

I think it depends on your job really, one day would be more realistic. If you can do your job not at set times and not have to do meetings at certain times, you could maybe work it short term but I think you will need some help. I started a business when my son was at play school and I did very odd hours! I think an 8hr day would be ambitious though. I think 3 days in the office and 1 at home might work but 2 days you would need proper child care.
Could your partner be flexible about when he starts/finishes so you could work for a few hours first thing ?

Could a family member come over for an hour in the middle of the day ?
That's 3hrs, then another hour in the evening and a few hours at the weekend would add up to nearly a day.

I've always had a nanny to help on the WFH days which is lovely as I can work but also pop out to say hi or have lunch together but the focus is very much on getting my work done ..My nanny was ill and couldn't come in once and it was awful. I had a big call I had to be on so had to put baby in the bouncer as knew she would be okay for 20 minutes or so and not likely to cry in her happy place - I had a baby monitor to watch her (on silent) but the call over ran and baby fell asleep in the bouncer .. not good for me worrying and definitely not good for baby who should have been out getting some fresh air in her pram or asleep in her cot.. sorry - but that was just one day - super stressful and not worth it

I honestly don't think this will be feasible at all Op. Have you considered working part time instead? Sounds like you desperately want to spend more time with the baby. Working or trying to work while looking after a baby will not be quality time it will be stressful. They do nap but it's not consistent or reliable. I also think that trying to make up time in the evenings will be very hard. At that age the baby will still be up til quite late cluster feeding etc and you'll be knackered. Any time when baby is napping you'll need to either be resting yourself or doing essential household tasks. I found it hard to even have time to have a shower etc. I can't believe your employer would want this either as you wod be neglecting work and neglecting a baby who needs stimulation and cuddles and feeding every 3hrs!

You are right people who success in wfh need go be very diligent . I can also work out of office hours if I need too , plus I’m mostly the one organising team meetings and phone calls and if needs too I can do stuff I really need to concentrate once hubby gets home .I would not be doing this if it was a role where I was on the phone all day . It s not easy , and it can take a toll , I’m by no means saying otherwise , but for us it made sense , as I was on full paid maternity leave 9 months and used another 7 weeks of holidays so she was almost 1 when I started working again , I’m only doing it full time until she hits 2 then she will go 3 mornings to the local nursery ( village nursery and much cheaper than a normal setting ) and at 3 she gets free pre school . We could if needed pay childcare but would mean cutting back on holidays and days out etc so it’s an effort we are making for a short period of time , we are also building our home to become mortgage free and investing in a property abroad as part of a” early retirement plan” and that would be affected if I was paying £1400 a month extra , so we really just see it as a extra effort for a bit over 1 year and hopefully it will pay off :-)

Yes, childcare costs can be overwhelming for many. I have a colleague who has 2 pre-school children, and the costs of childcare mean that they're living very close to the bone economically.