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Original poster

Working from home with baby - Advice

498 replies

Gem2x87 · 28/04/2023 15:19

Hi,

I'm currently pregnant with my first child due on 20th September. My plan is to take 3 months off then go back to work full time. I hear that I might need to start looking at childcare very soon. I was wondering if anyone had any advice. My company allows 2 days working from home. I have the 3 days in the office covered with my husband and mum. I would like to work from home with the baby the other 2 days so I can spend more time with him/her. My company would probably be quite relaxed about it as long as I get the work done but I don't want too much of my weekends/evenings being eaten up. How long do you think it would be manageable to work from home with the baby and what age would you think it would be better to use childcare?

Thank you

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 01/05/2023 00:42

It depends on the job. If you have work that won’t require any zoom meetings or phone calls, and the work can be done at any time you could possibly have the baby with you on one of the days. It won’t be easy though. You will probably only get a couple of hours work done, and the next day will be very busy. You don’t usually just put a baby to bed and they fall asleep. You will possibly be spending a while feeding and settling the baby. I would definitely look at child care for both the days, you could always drop a day. Have the baby before making a decision.

Frabbits · 01/05/2023 01:03

To be blunt, if you wfh with children in the house, especially babies etc one of 2 things will suffer, either your work or your child. You cannot give either proper attention.

CC2283 · 01/05/2023 02:53

I am very surprised at all if the negative responses on here.

I managed to complete a PhD and then write a book whilst at home alone with a baby and then toddler, then another baby. DH worked abroad a week on and a week off.

It is not impossible, people managed during lockdown. It’s just being organised from day one, and becoming used to being constantly tired, but that comes with having a baby anyway.

erakakitzi · 01/05/2023 03:14

We did that for 6 weeks with our DS2 while DS1 was in full time nursery. DH has a more relaxed job so he was doing 3 days as week and I was doing 2 days a week. It is manageable but very tiring!

Florissant · 01/05/2023 07:06

OP, you have complained that other posters haven't answered your question, although they have.

How long do you think it would be manageable to work from home with the baby and what age would you think it would be better to use childcare?

Answer: Possibly 10 minutes. If you're lucky. You should use childcare asap.

JussathoB · 01/05/2023 07:12

Youdoyoubabe · 30/04/2023 23:06

It can be possible. You will need one of those vibrating / rocking chair things and /or a sound proofed room for when you have to be on meetings and the baby cries. The do sleep alot in the first year so you can probably manage it.

You could also try keeping the baby strapped to you as it will likely cry less anyway. Either that or you will have to be tough from the word go and let the baby cry it out if you have to work.

Probably best to try it for a bit and see how it goes.

Let the baby cry it out? On a regular basis and for long enough to be in a meeting with colleagues?
Is this a wind up
Failure to meet the needs of a baby or small child can lead to lifelong consequences.

Bunnycat101 · 01/05/2023 07:20

@CC2283 I think the differences are with the phd I’d imagine you’re not on teams calls all the time or having to dance to an employers tune in quite the same way. Similarly writing a book is more autonomous than many jobs would be. If you’re needed to be available to talk to a client and your baby is screaming in the background it’s not really professional And yes people managed during lockdown but at a massive detriment and the vast majority of people doing it during lockdown are saying ‘never again’.

Lemoncakefortea · 01/05/2023 07:21

These posts are so exasperating. No, you can’t parent for hours on end whilst also giving the due attention your job and employer deserve!!

I just had this issue come up in my team. Guy asks if he can work 5 days at home (instead of current 3/2 spilt in the office).

Reason… his wife is going back to work full time after mat leave, she will be doing 5 days in the office, so he will need to care for their 11 month old baby until “they sort out childcare, probably a nursery place if one comes up”. The answer was a hard no. His full attention is required on his job. No childcare (except extreme like strike days) will be acceptable during the working day and he’ll get fired if he tries to do this.

Also, poor baby!! Their little one deserves time/care/stimulation/attention, not being distracted with tv and snacks for hours on end.

dishyrishi · 01/05/2023 07:22

Dont do it, if nothing else you'll go insane. I can say this with good faith, working through covid at home with kids present, no childcare, being torn in two directions, actually seriously damaged my mental health.

I now have PTSD.

NashvilleQueen · 01/05/2023 07:26

If you are settled on this being a viable option then present it to your employer now as your proposed return to work plan and see what they say. If they're as flexible and accommodating as you've said then give it a go. I wouldn't allow it as a manager for a moment but others may take a different view.

Most people are falling from experience of life with a baby. It's unrelenting and unpredictable. It's also shattering. The standard advice is to sleep when they sleep because you're up half the night. You can't do this because when they're sleeping you'll be working It's not sustainable and it's damaging to your health and, potentially, that of your baby.

Lollipop81 · 01/05/2023 07:28

I don’t think you can work and look after your baby. Babies take up a lot of time.

butterfly245 · 01/05/2023 07:30

I have the same working pattern as you with two days WFH but DS is in nursery for one of those days so I make sure that I get everything done for the other day, which is usually feasible because it’s a Friday and the work is winding down.

I honestly don’t get a lot of work done on a Friday if I’m on my own (but then I never did 😂) I’ve sometimes had help from parents or OH if he works from home. I can respond to the odd email but that’s about it. What makes it easier for me is the flexible nature of my job and that there’s never been much to do on a Friday.

You could give it a try and if it works it works, if not, reduce the hours? I preferred to do that rather than apply to go part time and then have to apply again if I wanted to change it.

dishyrishi · 01/05/2023 07:33

Plus, I have to say, this approach is what makes it hard for working mums to be at work, we are judged anyway, assumed to be less committed, treated with bias.

Doing this feeds into that whole attitude.

butterfly245 · 01/05/2023 07:35

I forgot to add my DS is one, that’s a much easier age to manage with than a newborn in my opinion. I couldn’t have done it when he was that young.

Dinosaur27 · 01/05/2023 07:59

I did it. I worked from home starting when my baby was 5 days old, until he turned 11 weeks then I got childcare.
I’m not sure what you’re situation is but I was homeless living in a hostel with him and wasn’t entitled to any maternity leave so I was literally working just to find us somewhere to move to (which I did, thankfully.)
It was awful though. I couldn’t enjoy my baby and was constantly stressed about getting fired. If you don’t REALLY need to do it, then don’t put yourself through it. You should be spending this time resting and focused on your baby.

CalpolDependant · 01/05/2023 08:02

OP, I am self employed and work from home with a 10mo. It’s very difficult indeed.

We get up at 6am and spend about 20 minutes catching up on washing. I have her on my back in a carrier while I do this. Emptying and reloading machines, quickly folding stuff from the night before etc. She has a quick breakfast while I unload the dishwasher. She sits with my other children for this, so I don’t sit with her.

I start work at 7am and I get in about 2 hours spread over a 4 hour period, while she plays with her toys. I have to keep getting up and help her / praise her / stop her etc. I put Simple Songs on Spotify for her.
I work through her morning nap which is about 90 mins uninterrupted. I schedule some meetings for this time.

Then I give her lunch and I have to sit with her for this because it’s just us. Then I take her out for a walk etc. I work through her afternoon nap. About 60 mins uninterrupted. That’s it then. We play in the afternoon. Pick kids up from school.

Dinner, bed and then I work again for another few hours in the evenings.

She does nursery some days. My husband drops her off when he does the school run and then I just work solidly, with no breaks, until I pick her up from school.

I shower right before bed.

I do not hoover and mop my floors daily etc. Which I’ve seen on other threads. I don’t have the time! My 10mo always has dirty knees. 😅

LolaSmiles · 01/05/2023 08:08

You don't work from home with a baby and no childcare. People trying to do this are part of the reason people who are genuinely WFH are finding their flexibility is being removed.

Unless you have a job that is totally flexible and are willing to work in the late evening when baby is asleep, and your employer is happy with that arrangement then you'll need childcare on your WFH days.

AD1996 · 01/05/2023 08:09

Congratulations!
You need to find childcare op, I attempted it once and had to book AL within 2 hours of working lol. When I was pregnant I also thought the same but it’s definitely not possible.

Blueflower1612 · 01/05/2023 08:46

I tried working from home with my little one one day a week whilst he was at nursey the other days but it proved impossible. I was constantly having to break off and probably only managed about a third of my workload. I decided it wasn’t fair in my employers so put him in full time. I think your employees would have to be very understanding. Not being able to answer calls because your baby is crying etc

lisajane77 · 01/05/2023 08:48

My employer allows us to wfh during the school holidays so we dont have to sort out childcare. However, my kids are older and the youngest is nearly 8. They are v independent and entertain themselves when at home, apart from when they need food etc which I'll get in my break.

A baby? No chance. They need you 24/7. You'll never get any work done. And you'll be exhausted. During covid, my youngest was 4 and i was trying to wfh and home school a 4 and 6 year old (i also have older children but they had online lessons). I had to do my work in the evenings as it is impossible to do both at the same time.

Youre seriously underestimating how much attention a child needs.

SirChenjins · 01/05/2023 08:55

CC2283 · 01/05/2023 02:53

I am very surprised at all if the negative responses on here.

I managed to complete a PhD and then write a book whilst at home alone with a baby and then toddler, then another baby. DH worked abroad a week on and a week off.

It is not impossible, people managed during lockdown. It’s just being organised from day one, and becoming used to being constantly tired, but that comes with having a baby anyway.

A phd and writing a book is very different from work which involves things like relatively fixed hours, unexpected meetings, staffing issues which have to be dealt with there and then, long meetings which overrun and so on - all on a regular basis.

lavenderlou · 01/05/2023 08:58

At 3 months, babies don't tend to have reliable nap schedules. Mine tended to catnap during feeding sessions so there was literally no time when I wasn't needed. Or they would nap if I took them for a walk on the pram. Mine didn't do one long nap session until after the age of 1 when I regularly had two hours a day to do stuff but the rest of the day the were very vocal and needed constant supervision.

Get childcare, work during those hours and then enjoy the evenings and weekends together.

Lapland123 · 01/05/2023 09:35

SirChenjins · 01/05/2023 08:55

A phd and writing a book is very different from work which involves things like relatively fixed hours, unexpected meetings, staffing issues which have to be dealt with there and then, long meetings which overrun and so on - all on a regular basis.

Show quote history

Agreed. These are very different things to being employed, to do a job you are paid to do.

NatashaDancing · 01/05/2023 09:45

CC2283 · 01/05/2023 02:53

I am very surprised at all if the negative responses on here.

I managed to complete a PhD and then write a book whilst at home alone with a baby and then toddler, then another baby. DH worked abroad a week on and a week off.

It is not impossible, people managed during lockdown. It’s just being organised from day one, and becoming used to being constantly tired, but that comes with having a baby anyway.

Can you really not see the difference between writing your PhD and being in the commercial, working world?

Stripedbag101 · 01/05/2023 09:54

dishyrishi · 01/05/2023 07:33

Plus, I have to say, this approach is what makes it hard for working mums to be at work, we are judged anyway, assumed to be less committed, treated with bias.

Doing this feeds into that whole attitude.

This.

I do worry about the amount of (mainly) women who attempt this.

it is of course completely noticeable - people are distracted - babies screaming during phone calls, parents disappearing during online meetings, complete lack of availability during school pick up times, inflexibility to attend in person meetings.

in a lot of industries it just looks unprofessional and will damage how we see working parents. I know a lot of people without children who are very frustrated by this approach.