DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

How about asking for fixed shifts each day of the week, so 2/3 of early or late. Then you will only need childcare on those fixed days of the weeks. Otherwise you’ll need it every day even on the weeks you don’t need it. Then both people still work a fair share of shifts……also agree with asking the other person which they’d prefer, they may prefer the later shift.

How will you split the money you save with the colleague? Cash in hand I presume?

Have I missed the nature of OP’s work pattern or has she not told us?

I have just re read and see this question

’Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential. ‘

so you expect management not to speak to the individual impacted? How would that even work? Have you ever managed people?

how would they know if the change in hours suits this other worker unless they ask him? What is this man has arranged his life, childcare, caring responsibilities around this pattern? He doesn’t get a say?

of course they need to be open about asking what the impact would be and transparent about why they are asking. Surely it would be obvious if it was granted?

as a manager I would be completely open - ask the other person if they want to change patterns to accommodate this request. I would of course also consider business need. The employer has a duty of care to everyone - not just your husband.

you can’t control the narrative OP. All an employer has to do is consider the request. You seem to be under the wrong impression that law makes it very difficult to say no. It doesn’t. And please let your adult husband deal with his own employment - you don’t have enough working knowledge of his work
place to be proposing managerial changes!

Haha wow you are one cf, uh yeah no you would be better off asking for rotating day shifts which is more fair imo.
It's really not fair on his colleague, the only way I could see them agreeing is if they dislike the early starts on the 6am shift but your initial post reeks of entitlement.

The entitlement is strong with this one.

You have twins, and your husband’s colleague has to sacrifice his shift pattern to make your life easier?

Catch yourself on, this is an absolute piss take. I hope your husband’s work tell his where to go.

Have you considered the fact that being permanently on late shifts might not be convenient of your DH's colleague? He has a life as well, and may have his own circumstances which makes doing constant night shifts difficult for him.

If I was the colleague I would be going for triplets to trump your twins.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

You can't list reasons and then say there's no real reason. Honestly, I would adjust your attitude a bit going into this. You're assuming the colleague will thwart this and treating them like the enemy, when they might not be. And you say you have to finish everything, and then say actually you get to go home early. Which is it?

Is there someone at work your husband can sound out first, to see what sort of request might be successful? If the organisation relies on teamwork, one member of the team getting stuck with dud shifts is going to cause massive problems.

I don't think the OP IBU on this point - if she needs to find a nursery for twins, she may well have to put their names down pretty early for set days/half days.

Otherwise, I echo what other posters have said - if the co worker and DH could have a chat and agree that on Mon, Tue and Thu (or whatever) DH does the early shift, then that seems a fairer balance that still helps with childcare costs.

The other concern I would have, OP, is whether your employer is happy for you to never be available between (let's say) 1245 and 1400 (assuming that you have to leave the house to get the kids a bit before 1pm).

Do you both work from home?

Congratulations on your pregnancy and welcome to the nightmare which is being a working parent! It is very hard to juggle finances and childcare needs, especially with two young ones. Luckily this is for a relatively short period of your working life, as free hours kick in.

From my experience you have to make the request in writing, and a flexible working request can only be made once every 12 months. Mine were trialled and then reviewed before permanent approval. So your partner couldn't make it now for 15 months time, he'd have to start that work pattern now as otherwise they wouldn't know if it works before it became permanent.

From what you've described there would be enough basis for his employer to refuse it on business grounds - for example difficulty in getting other staff to cover the shift is a business reason - so it's best to put in a request that is likely to be approved.

Threatening to leave is very unprofessional and not a reason to approve a flexible working request.

You might not like what posters are saying but many of us will have put in our own requests or managed people asking for flexible working. If this audience is saying it’s unreasonable you should really listen. It is very easy to decline these sorts of requests- it doesn’t sound like there is existing precedent for one person to take one shift exclusively and the colleague is likely to be unhappy.

I think your best bet is to ask for set days but also for your DH to have a chat with his colleague and manager before putting in the form. I’d be mightily unimpressed as a manager if I just got given a form that was unreasonable without a chance to chat through options first.

but… I was also going to say it sounds like you might WFH from your post. If that is the case I absolutely would not want 2 toddlers at home every afternoon while trying to work. There is a very high chance that model would be untenable unless you have a soundproof office and your husband will take full accountability and not disturb you.

I would expect them to reject it unless DH was w able to find someone that would want to be permanently on the other shift.
Sounds like DH wants to put others out to please himself.

Wow I’d love to know what your DH does that they would even consider this request. You seem entitled to the nth degree.

" There is a very high chance that model would be untenable unless you have a soundproof office and your husband will take full accountability and not disturb you."

Good point.

Posters saying this isn't an issue for 15 months or whatever - has OP said she is taking the full ML? Sorry if I missed it.

You'll shoot yourself in the foot if you do it secretly as its almost definitely going to be refused. Your husband should discuss it with colleague, he could well be up for it, and if he is very against it I would put the request in for 3 days a week.

Even if colleague is ok with it, doing it secretly might piss him off enough to refuse it.

It’s ALWAYS twins 😂

The colleague might agree. 9-5 is not exactly an onerous shift. It's a pretty standard work day for most people.

Quite clever to have slipped it into "Work" rather than "AIBU", though. You've got to give them that.

how would they know if the change in hours suits this other worker unless they ask him. What if this man has arranged his life, childcare, caring responsibilities around this pattern?

Exactly! Were you envisaging the manager would just agree to your brainwave if you wrote a really clever application letter? without ever speaking to the coworker-who would be massively impacted-and then not mention it!

Was your DH planning on being totally gobsmacked by the change (completely in his favour) of working hours and deny ever asking for it?!!

Hell would freeze over before I would accept a change in my working hours to accommodate someone's children & lifestyle.

I would seek a massive increspect in salary to do do, do much so that it wouldn't be feasible for the company & I would take them to the cleaners on discrimination grounds if they tried it.

The compsny may well accommodate it & it may suit the coleague. Absolutely entitled to ask but expect a refusal.

Why should your colleague accept a difficult shift pattern for your situation? Millions of families juggle kids, nursery fees etc and have to accept the shift pattern they are given (and which is fair to the whole team). Without being rude, why are you different to millions of other families?

FYI - my Husband often has to work Xmas depending how shifts fall. Others get it off work even if they dont have kids. Its called being fair to everyone in the team.

Hi , unfortunately they can decline . I requested flexi time and HR told me they would only accept if I could find someone who would do my shift ( thankfully someone needed to do flexi the opposite hours of mine ) .