DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

@mamabeeboo Would you be happy if the colleague confidentially had your DH changed onto the late shift?

Because that’s essentially what you’re suggesting - a unilateral change to his colleagues work pattern without any discussion with him or consideration for his life.

What age are they going to nursery from?

Is there not 30 hours of free childcare a week coming in from next year?

YABU @mamabeeboo . And you sound like a colleague of my friend who works at a place that does 6am-2pm/2pm-10pm/10pm-6am. Everyone is OK with these shifts and the place runs beautifully.

She 'accidentally' fell pregnant by a bloke she had been with for just a few months in the summer of last year, and he left her when she said she was keeping it. The baby was born in Mid February this year, and she wants to come back in July...

The dad doesn't want to know, and her mum (who is 49, and has spent 30 years raising kids - and has just finished as her youngest hit 20 and left home,) is refusing to help. So this woman is depending on a nursery ... They don't open til 8am, and they close at 6.00pm. She wants to do 8.30am til 4.30pm... 4 days a week.

She is expecting everyone to move their hours about, and change their shifts to accommodate HER. She is throwing her toys out of her pram, and spitting her dummy out, and saying 'I am a mummy. You MUST accommodate me. I will fight you in court.'

No-one will budge though. NO-ONE on nights will stay til 8.30am to wait for her, and NO-ONE on 2-10 will give up 2.5 hours so she can do the 8.30am to 4.30pm shift she wants, 4 days a week ...

Why should others have to change their shift pattern, and their life because of YOUR life choices? No. Bore off.

Just remember OP.

no kids < single baby < twins

you got this

Didn't ask if I was being unreasonable.
posted on AIBU

Imagine if the Dh went in tomorrow and was told that his colleague put in a flexible working request and it’s been accepted. As a consequence, ops dh must do 9-5 everyday and he doesn’t get a say on wether he would be willing to do that. Just tough.

LOL. BUSTED @mamabeeboo

You’re probably going to have to mention how your DH will manage any issues that would arise in the team as a result of flexible working. This will inc impact on other team members. If the company thinks it’s likely the other colleague will be demotivated/ leave (which would be very likely) then they have grounds to reject as this will adversely affect the business.

your DH should speak to his colleague and try and reach a mutually agreeable position before he submits the request to maximise chances it will be acceptable. I would suggest sharing the good:bad shifts on fixed days.

you should be prepared to have it rejected esp if it’s likely to not be well received by colleagues who might leave.

A further thing to consider is will you be able to get to the nursery, have handover (inc them downloading all the how many weeks/poos, what they did etc), potentially feed them and yourself all in that hour. What if something at work eats into your lunch hour etc. Doing this every single day is likely to be unmanageable and completely full of stress.

i can understand what you’re trying to do but you probably need to consider other options.

Oooops you're right.

What? Is that a joke?

Thats not how flexible working requests work

"And DH isn't going to be having free afternoons on the morning shift, he will be looking after the twins."

So fucking what? 😅

Its not really a flexible working request though is it, its a request to have fixed inflexible hours? Misleading title. I don't see how the colleague is thwarting this.

Sadly not - as I failed to spot, this is in work, not AIBU.

It's not to all children until September 2025- and that's assuming the Tories are still in power then.

I'm assuming OP's children will start nursery around 12-18 months before that?

You have misunderstood the reasons an employer can decline a request. If there is a business need to have employees working 9 to 5 then they would be able to justify no based on most of the reasons listed as reasons to decline.

They could if they wished explore with colleagues if they wanted to do a perm 9 to 5 but if the answer is no, then they have covered themselves as much as they need to. It would not be reasonable to change contracts and by doing so they would put themselves at a greater risk of a tribunal claim than saying no to your DP assuming they give the request serious consideration.

I would prepare yourself for a no and have a plan B ready. You may get lucky and a colleague may be willing to do a 9 to 5 and you can certainly ask them to explore it, but if no one is willing to change, they would be insane to enforce contract changes and risk claims of unfair dismissal which is what a change in t&c ultimately is.

That would be absolutely unfair to the other colleague unless it would suit him too. Ridiculous.

Reading through the thread... I've only provided the info needed regarding submitting a flex working request. So i haven't mentioned that i have a 2yo so the childcare fees "shock" has come and gone. But appreciate the assumptions.

Just because it's niche, doesn't mean DH is a high earner. For example, similar role would be working in a warehouse but having the license to operate a specific machine.

No I'm not taking the full mat leave.

Will consider about checking with the nurseries /cm first who is able to provide half days for 2, before looking at this request.

On MN there's a lot of individualist mentality, it's frowned upon to ask for help from grandparents, friends, colleagues, just have your children, put up and shut up and lie in the bed you have made. But we don't plan on bankrupting ourselves for the shitshow that is childcare fees in the UK.

Yes our priority is our family and our finances.

I have twins - genuinely - and I think it's really unfair and very entitled of you to expect the colleague to pick up the other shift permanently when it's well known to be the less favoured one. If I was your manager I'd turn down the request or only offer part of the week at the early shift

Yes I thought this too, if it isn’t about what individual employees prefer then what is the whole request about?

The plan b we have is that DH will have to leave his job as a double set of nursery fees costs more than he earns.

You DH is apparently has a 'niche skill set' yet is told what shifts to work and earns so poorly? As his employer, I'd be happy to let him go.

But we don't plan on bankrupting ourselves for the shitshow that is childcare fees in the UK.

If you couldn’t afford to have more children then you shouldn’t have put yourselves in this situation.

Blaming everyone else and wanting others to inconvenience themselves is out of order. Take some responsibility for your own life choices.

I didnt realise it wasn’t coming in till 2025. I think any party that gets in next will implement it though.

Why can’t your husband do the late shift on a permanent basis and then nursery would only need afternoon costs involved ?

*On MN there's a lot of individualist mentality, it's frowned upon to ask for help from grandparents, friends, colleagues, just have your children, put up and shut up and lie in the bed you have made. But we don't plan on bankrupting ourselves for the shitshow that is childcare fees in the UK.

Yes our priority is our family and our finances*

Family and friends maybe as they have made a choice to be part of your life.

You complain about individualist mentality then say your family and finances are your priority so why should anyone care about you as you don't about others.

Your DH colleague owes him nothing, you don't give a toss about him so I dare say he feels the same, your attitude about him is vile you are making out that his life doesn't matter.

Op you have now gone on a bizarre rant.

you wanted to secretly, confidentially disadvantage another colleague to suit your own requirements. You failed to understand the law around flexible working request and wanted to see you could best silence the person impacted by your request.

it Is not that man’s fault that childcare is expensive. What on earth gives you the impression your husbands rights are greater than this other worker.

it is simply a question of what is fair and reasonable.

I truly hope you aren’t in a role that requires people management because you have failed to understand the most basic principles of workers rights.