DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

Unless it was the colleague who knocked you up there is no reason whatsoever for him to do anything to make your life easier

This happened in a factory I used to work in and the other colleague got the union involved and said it wasn't fair and his contract said 6-2 on week then 2-10 the next and it didn't happen

I'm sorry but your nursery fees are not the responsibility of the other colleague and your being really unfair to expect them to think it's ok it's incredibly entitled!!

Of course that's a reason to decline. You're changing someone else's life for your benefit.

While I totally see why you want it if they don't want to suddenly always have to do the worse shift then I can see why they'd be aggravated by that.

I would have thought that long term with the 6-2 your afternoons get taken up with catching up on sleep!

9-5 seems a pretty standard day to me.

mamabeeboo · Today 15:51
Thanks all for the pile up.
Yes I choose to get pregnant. No I didn't choose twins.

Maybe not - but none of this was your husband's colleague's choice either!!!

What is the necessity to not do shifts? My DP does 24/7 shifts and we managed.

You need to not try and hold the company to ransom either. You really need to consider others in this. I'm

Hiya. Just a bit of advice, twin mum to twin mum.
I know it can feel at first a bit unfair, that you don't really get any extra help or allowances despite being given twice the number of babies you asked for!! It's a lot. And i fully sympathise.

BUT the sooner you get used to the fact no one cares, the better off you'll be.
No one cares you're having twins, trust me. No one cares its twice as hard. No one cares that childcare is twice as expensive or that you need 2 spaces at nursery or that you're up twice as much at night. No one cares. And yes some people are going to talk to you like this was your choice to have 2 at once and that is unfair, but still, no one cares.
I'm not trying to be mean honestly. But I feel like this is where the sense of entitlement is coming from in your op.
You are not special. Stop thinking you are special.
Your husbands colleague is not obliged to make his own life worse just because you're having a baby or 2.
Personally I stayed off work until the twins were old enough for free nursery hours because the fees were more than my wages. Your situation may not be that extreme but its worth considering. We asked if dh could work from.home and were told no. He eventually.fpubd an alternative job.
But you're going to find yourself in tricky waters if you start throwing requests around that are going to piss people off. You may find your husbands employers don't like him much if he shows himself to be selfish and grabbing. So be careful. You don't want to end up on 1 wage. Personally I'd not submit that request.
Good luck with the twins.

To answer your actual question, I don’t think there’s a way to phrase the request that will increase the chance of it being accepted. Your best option is to get the colleague’s agreement first.

If that’s not forthcoming, I would not request it at all and instead request certain days as people have suggested.

But if the colleague has the same niche skill set, and chooses to leave over only getting the more inconvenient shifts, they'll be in the same boat? So it doesn't really help them?

And presumably it would be even harder to recruit into the role, when they can only offer the less good shift pattern.

If he's going to find somewhere with set hours, then surely that's more likely to go on until after 2, unlike his current pattern where at least that doesn't happen sometimes.

I also think there's a flaw in your plan that you can pick your children up during your lunchbreak that starts at 1, and be ready to work in the afternoon, when he won't finish until 2, could be stuck in traffic etc on the way home etc. Does he always finish dead on his shift end time?

If your lunch finishes at e.g. 2.30, what happens if he is late back?

This!!! Just because you’re having twins doesn’t mean your partner is entitled to change to the early shift! I can’t believe that you think this is ok, poor colleague.

I imagine your husband’s colleague will be asked if he is happy to do this and if he says no then the company would be stupid to allow it.

This is EXACTLY why you have to submit a request to be carefully considered before anyone is allowed flexible working. Your husbands flexible working should not negatively affect other colleagues, which it would do.

Why shouldn't his colleague get shifts he wants? Just because YOU chose to have a baby? 😂 So entitled, this cannot be genuine.

@mamabeeboo

it is a bit confusing why you have started a thread saying colleague is thwarting a request when he knows nothing about it and your husband hasn’t submitted it.
At the moment there is nothing to thwart.

What if the other colleague also has kids and want to save on nursery fees or childcare?

Does DH know for certain that the 9-5 shift doesn't suit his colleague better? Maybe he's not bothered by an earlier finish.

Sorry, I'm not clear on whether your DH has actually spoken to the colleague or not. It might be worth checking with him first.
This would have been something I'd have happily gone along with when I was younger. We often used to swap shifts to accommodate parents with young children.
You might find that the colleague prefers the later shifts.

Could you not ask to do 6-2 3 days a week and 9-5 two days and his colleague the opposite? Then you can have some cheaper childcare days but the colleague may be more amenable.

He might need some afternoons for doctors appts, elderly parents, etc

The thing with flexible working requests is that they are just that...requests. If the other person says they prefer early/late rotas and that's what their contracts say then there really isn't anything you can say to try to change minds.

I'd be very careful about the 'late shift finishes at 4pm instead of 5pm' revelation you're thinking about throwing into the mix. Don't forget that, until he resigns (if he has to) your DH will be working that shift too every other week, if the request isn't accepted. The company is within its rights to ask your DH and his colleague to stay until the end of their shift rather than leave an hour early.

I think your DH will either have to casually sound out the colleague's thoughts on the early shift (you may find the late shift works for him) or just accept that there's a 50% chance it'll get refused. For all you know the colleague may have commitments on his afternoons off every other week which he, like you, is keeping confidential. What you see at work isn't always what goes on behind the scenes with colleagues.

Have your plan B and don't believe this 'DH is in a niche job so the company will be in a difficult position if they lose him'. Everyone is expendable in a job. Plus, how easy is it for him to find another job if his skills are so niche? Are the skills transferable?

😂

Loved this thread.

Firstly, no one is indispensable - it took them a long time to recruit your DH but that doesn't mean they can't find someone else.

Secondly - you sound so very entitled, I think you'll sabotage yourself when you make the FW request. Recently I had someone ask for a FW contract and they put all the benefits for them and were quite shocked when I said no.

Thirdly, as you can only request once every 12 months, leave it until midway through mat leave and then discuss with the employer first to see how the land lies. I wouldn't ever agree a working pattern for over a year's time. Be prepared to be flexible (if you can overcome your entitlement....) and meet them in the middle if necessary.

If (when) they don't agree you can always flounce off as you've planned - hopefully your DH is actually ok with being a SAHP?!

If I were the colleague I would tell your DH to shove it up your arse! Unless the colleague turns around and says - I hate early mornings and would LOVE to work 9-5, there's not much you can do.

Ignore the pile on @mamabeeboo , it’s not a ridiculous request. It’s 9-5 ffs!

Just ask, that’s all that you can do.

Also congratulations!

While he's at it your DH should put in a request in now to have first dibs at all holidays, esp. Christmas so that he can spend quality time with is babies and have the colleague cover those too.

There isn't really a nice way to request this. The reality is if the employer agree with this or decline it someone is unhappy and potentially will leave. Personally as someone who was a hiring manager for years I would decline it unless the other employee had specified a request to work 9-5pm permanently when consulted.

What are your hours like? Are they flexible? Can you change your hours to say a couple of long days and ask for DH to do a couple of set 6-2pms those days? May say a Mon and Tues you work 8.30 to 6.30 pm and DH works 6 am -2pm those days. Leave the 2pm finish for his colleague on a Fri as it may swing the other person to agree to it.

'Ignore the pile on @mamabeeboo, it’s not a ridiculous request. It’s 9-5 ffs!

Just ask, that’s all that you can do.'

To be fair to all of us other posters, @mamabeeboo doesn't sound like they're just putting in a reasonable request and will be happy with the inevitable outcome... it' more of a demand than a request.

Wow, just wow. The entitlement. I genuinely can’t believe someone can be so self centred!