DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

You give no hoots about the colleague, so why should he, or anyone on this thread, give a hoot about your husband needing to resign if the request is declined? Your mindset betrays everything about your selfish, entitled and arrogant approach. I actually hope the request is declined, this will show you that the world does not revolve around you and your precious twins.

I asked genuine questions with a view to offer suggestions.
How many people work the shifts? If it's just the 2 of them what happens when someone's on holiday or sick?

Very good point

care needs to be taken with this tactic.

will he actually resign if he doesn’t get his way? Does he have another job to walk into?

he of course is entitled to ask, and to say he can’t continue to work the shift patter he initially signed up to. But OP seems to be giving very poor advice to her husband. He needs to be sure this doesn’t look immature. Be factual. He has to know he can get a job somewhere else with the shift pattern that works for him.

if I was pulling this I would already have looked into whether there is something I can jump to.

awkward if you try this blackmail, they say sorry but no, and you stay. You look like a total arse.

I would defo broach it informally with the colleague and see what they say.

Maybe a wee bit of an old fashioned idea, but how would staying home and looking after your own children work, hence saving you three lots of nursery fees? Would that be an option?

@mamabeeboo

I replied earlier but it just occurred to me and apologies if it's been posted already but have you included in your calculations the changes to funded hours the government announced in the last budget? This will surely bring your twins childcare down to at least the amount you would have paid for one child.
I understand not being able to plan for unexpected extra costs of twins but if you planned your finances to pay 1 set of nursery fees, now with the extra funded hours won't that mean you are actually much better off than you would have been?

Two lots of fees, I think.

And OP has stated that there will be a SAHP if the shift change can’t be figured out - her DH.

I literally can’t fathom being as self centred as OP and her husband. It’s actually quite sad.

There is a pile on here…

so you’ve looked at the legislation around flexible working which is a good start. You can make the application - it’s likely that it will be declined because the work cannot be reorganised amongst other staff.

you absolutely have to look at work which meets your families needs, so starting with a flexible working request is reasonable and then your DH can and should look elsewhere if declined. It stands to reason that he needs a shift pattern that suits you all

OP said childcare is more than his wage so he resigns if its a no, then looks for another job while off with the kids that suits childcare needs.

I don't think its a bad convo to have with the manager along the lines of:
"My wage is less than the cost of putting both children in childcare for full days. Therefore I cannot afford to work on the current pattern. We could afford half days, so I would like to change to only doing 6am-2pm. Another option we could make work is set hours each week rather than alternating weeks, e.g. I work 6-2 Mon-Wed and 9-5 Thurs and Fri every week. This does not need to be permanent, but until we get the free childcare hours. Please can we work together to establish if either of these are amenable as otherwise I would unfortunately have to resign otherwise as the current pattern is not financially viable for us as a family."

I'm not saying use it as blackmail, its just giving them the choice.

I agree. The self-centred “I am a mummy and therefore I must get what I want” mentality of a minority is pretty gross.

It's the employer's decision at the end of the day. Not the DH's and not the colleague's. Put in the request (do not suggest to the employer how to organise their shifts!) and leave it up to them to decide if it works for them.

Do you see that it was your desire to keep the impacted colleague in the dark and to try and finishes and silence his objections caused the backlash?

is was naive at best - unbelievably selfish at worst.

I manage a large team. If one
Team member tried to do what you proposed to another team member I would be
less than impressed - it’s the attempt at secrecy, the lack of honesty. I would be much more accommodating if he came
to me said he had spoken to the colleague and either couldn’t come up with a workable
proposal or had a compromise.

I honestly do have a moral issue with the attempt to change someone else’s world without letting them know why.

I think it’s a character flaw op.

With parents like this what hope do the babies have of being considerate, compassionate people?

absolutely selfish, self centred, ignorant fools

God lord, I’m not surprised her colleagues won’t budge. Cheeky madam!

I echo everyone else, it would be so selfish to assume that your needs should trump your DH colleagues, three under 2yo or not.

The best chance your DH would have is probably to discuss with his colleague to try to get fixed shifts, maybe offer the colleague a 3:2 split on the 'good shift' with the person who gets 2 a week picking the two days they prefer (probably Fridays and another)?

Have you heard yourself?? ‘A bit of an inconvenience’!! I’d be fuming if a colleague thought they could just land this on me and I would just have to be OK with it. It was your choice to have twins and if you can’t afford childcare then some other person shouldn’t have to pick up the slack. Shame on you. That poor person.

@TolkiensFallow there is a pile on because many individual posters recognise how disgustingly arrogant, entitled and selfish the OP's plan is.

It's always the way, rightly imo, when someone shows their deeply unattractive traits/ and complete disregard of others.

In fact there's a phrase coined specifically to describe it: cheeky fuckery.

Yes, it's supremely entitled when you're so sure that it would fuck him over that you don't want him to know you're asking, you don't want his feelings about it to be taken as a reason against it and you're asking us for strategic advice on how to get it through despite how much he'll hate it

yes.

Imagine if your DH's colleague has an arrangement to pick their kids up from school every other week, or they provide care for someone every other week.

Most nurseries won't want children 5 half days anyway, they prefer full days normally otherwise they have space in the other half of the day.

Good luck if you make the request, I guess you are making it now, to give you chance to make another request in a year, but also it will be helpful for them to be home every afternoon whilst you are on maternity.

I think she said there’s a toddler as well, and there’s so many pages pretty much saying the same thing I probably missed that the dad was going to stay home to let his wife work if the shift thing doesn’t work out.

Flexible working requests can be declined if it would have a negative impact on the business.

Forcing a change to contracted hours on an unwilling employee solely to facilitate your DH's request is NEVER going to happen 😂 I'm amazed that you seem to think there's any chance it would!

Just submit the request. The likelihood of it getting approved is slim, from what you have said, but there is no harm in asking.

I'd expect a refusal though so plan from there.

I've had to decline such a request previously. It wouldn't have been fair to significantly affect others so much and I'd have expected push back

Someone I worked with tried this with night shifts. Their reasoning was their shifts could be shared between the rest of the team (5 of us). Night shifts are the least popular shifts. The team all said no. The flex working request was declined because of the negative impact on the team.

Flip this. What if the team member asked for the same? How would your DH feel about it?