DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

If you know the colleagues personal situation, e.g. if he is currently single, no family commitments - he “might” appreaciate an early shift every Friday - making a long weekend for him every single week?
It could be the starting position for some negtiation that might suits both sides, if you are honest that you want to be fair in order to reach a compromise.

To be honest I’m surprised at some comments. You are planning to put a request but you are not forcing anyone to except it.

if your DH’s schedule is not working he plans to look for a different job. What’s so strange about it? Or selfish?

It’s not entitled to put in the request.

Expecting the colleague not to be consulted is entitled.

As is the statement that it being inconvenient for him shouldn’t be a reason to say no.

It’s entitled to put in the request and want them to keep it quiet from the colleague and not have the colleague involved in something that will impact them.

It’s entitled to believe that the colleague (if they don’t want to do it) saying they won’t do it, isn’t enough for them to refuse your request.

It’s entitled to think that you (who isn’t employed by them) can try and convince them to cut the colleagues hours/change them. So that yours and your husbands wants can be accommodated.

It’s entitled to believe that because you have twins, you are more entitled to the granting of a flexible working request than someone who has one child or no children.

@mamabeeboo Freely admit I haven't waded through all the posts, but has DH actually spoken to his colleague ?

None of the nurseries near us do half days - other than for settling them in … your area might be different but you’ve not really thought this through, have you?

the entitlement comes from you questioning whether or not another colleague’s needs/wants/wishes have to be taken into acct by the management.

I'm glad I don't work with you. Having children is your choice, deal with the consequences of having to look after them

Is the other shift permanent 9-5 then ?
Some people might actually prefer that.

That's not your original post though.
You didn't want to 'try'.
You wanted us to help you word a request in a way that left 'no room for rejection', and you wanted to hide to from the colleague - the ONE person you should be discussing this with.
I suppose you saying you 'appreciate' it is you somewhat backing down. I don't blame you tbh with this crowd I'd dig my heel in too.

But whatever you decide... you should do an informal consultation with all parties involved first. Blindsiding them with a 'formal request' right off the bat will probably lead straight to a rejection.

Also to all the threads who say well men don't give up their careers to look after kids prime example right here!

@mamabeeboo this isn't a flexible working request that will have a limited impact on colleagues... it's not like Sandra in my office asking to drop a day so she can look after her grandchild & the impact to the rest of the team is we'll not get 2 tea breaks on Wednesdays anymore.

It's most likely going to require a contractual change for the other colleague which can't be done without consultation & agreement. If the employer agrees & imposes the change without consultation & agreement (unlikely) the colleague could have a claim for constructive dismissal.

I don't think its entitled to want to try.

I'll pretend that I think this is real, MamaUsernameWithTwins, so I can respond to this. Yes, it's supremely entitled when you're so sure that it would fuck him over that you don't want him to know you're asking, you don't want his feelings about it to be taken as a reason against it and you're asking us for strategic advice on how to get it through despite how much he'll hate it.

I’d honestly reconsider this idea completely.

It’s obviously not cool, but if I were employer I’d think you were cheeky AF, and probably think some tactical sick days would be coming up at worst, some genuine ones due to tiredness/illness due to kids being incubators of germs.

I’d recommend your husband keeps a low profile.

@mamabeeboo How would you feel if tomorrow morning, your DH went to work only to be told that his colleague has put in a request to management behind his back to work the 6-2 shift every day, and it has been agreed and your DH must do the 9-5 shift from next Monday long term?

Not entitled to ask but bizarre to say the colleague is "thwarting" the request when said colleague is currently oblivious. Do you understand what the word thwarting actually means?

This sounds more like thwarting.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Wishing you all the best with your babies, you must be thrilled. I’d put the request in anyway, just explain your reasoning as best you can, you don’t get if you don’t ask. Once that’s done just concentrate on having the babies and look after yourself. Sometimes life throws things at us, changes our way of life but it ends up better than before, try not to worry.

‘@mamabeeboo How would you feel if tomorrow morning, your DH went to work only to be told that his colleague has put in a request to management behind his back to work the 6-2 shift every day, and it has been agreed and your DH must do the 9-5 shift from next Monday long term?’

@mamabeeboo I’d like to hear the answer to that

I'm seriously hoping the wife of the (kept in the dark) colleague is reading this. I further hope she gives OP a large dose of her own medicine by having the (kept in the dark) make the first pitch for the best shift on a permanent basis.

That'd be karma, imo, if the colleague genuinely did thwart the cheeky fuckery of OP.

Have you had a premonition..
Are you a mind reader?

For me it's the way you're accusing the colleague of "thwarting" you're DH's flex working request before you've even requested it.

I appreciate what everyone is saying that it inconveniences colleague, he also has a life, who wants to be stuck with the bad shift etc. But if you don't ask you don't get.

And fuck your DH's colleague, right

How valuable is your DH to the company? Ie how easily could they replace him? If it is going to be hard to replace him I'd suggest he just lays his cards on the table and makes the request, stating he is not in a financial position to do the 9-5 shift any more, so though he loves working there blah blah he will have to look for alternative work if there's no solution he and the company can find together.

Be mindful that you can only make one formal flexible working request every 12 months. If you really want a 2pm finish every day, but would be willing to accept a 2pm finish 2-3 days a week, it's probably worth broaching this informally first. If my understanding of flexible working requests is correct, if your request is rejected, you'd not be able to make an alternative request straight away after, if you're going down the formal route.

Good luck with the babies OP but if this is a serious thread YABVU.

Assuming you'll be on mat leave for x months and there's no urgency for child care I'd have a serious think before putting in this request to DH's employer. Shocking entitlement.

Against the grain but considering the other option is he resigns, I don't think there is a problem with putting in the request. The entitled part is wanting them to ignore colleague saying no. Then again, if its niche and would take them a long time to recruit again, the colleague may be choosing between sharing the job but having to work 9-5 (which is a very normal work pattern) or having a hell of a lot more work to do because they're solo.