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Original poster

DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

541 replies

mamabeeboo · 12/04/2023 15:23

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

OP posts:
Hotcrossed · 12/04/2023 19:01

i cant imagine many people would want job pattern, alternative shifts like that, not suitable

Throwncrumbs · 12/04/2023 19:01

mamabeeboo · 12/04/2023 18:25

Reading through the thread... I've only provided the info needed regarding submitting a flex working request. So i haven't mentioned that i have a 2yo so the childcare fees "shock" has come and gone. But appreciate the assumptions.

Just because it's niche, doesn't mean DH is a high earner. For example, similar role would be working in a warehouse but having the license to operate a specific machine.

No I'm not taking the full mat leave.

Will consider about checking with the nurseries /cm first who is able to provide half days for 2, before looking at this request.

On MN there's a lot of individualist mentality, it's frowned upon to ask for help from grandparents, friends, colleagues, just have your children, put up and shut up and lie in the bed you have made. But we don't plan on bankrupting ourselves for the shitshow that is childcare fees in the UK.

Yes our priority is our family and our finances.

Driving a forklift isn’t a ‘niche’ role 😂

Boomboom84 · 12/04/2023 19:02

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

It sounds more like you want to thwart the other persons flexi work schedule or ability to have a say in it.

Would you think it was ok if the colleague submitted the request for 6-2, got approved and then only after that your DH was informed "tough shit, your colleague asked".

It's absolutely fine to ask, but it's the fact you seem to want to do it a sneaky way so the colleague doesn't get a say is why you're getting a bad response.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/04/2023 19:03

Why don't you quit your job and work nightshift so the twins can go to nursery in the morning why you sleep and you could then look after them in the afternoon or would that Inconvenience you to much 🙄

KaihahUmoniiv · 12/04/2023 19:06

A flex working shift that treats co-workers unfairly by baggzieing all the favourite shifts for the Requester and boots all the shit shifts to other team members is definitely not a reasonable request, and his employer would be quite right to justifiably reject it.

What would be reasonable would be to request that a fair proportion of the nice shifts are reserved for DH on specific days so that you can coodinate it with nursery. So, rather than being one week on 6am shifts and one week on afternoon shifts, ask for it to be that DH is always on 6am shifts Mon-Tue and always on afternoon shifts Thur-Fri, with Wednesdays alternating between him and colleague.

Then you can coordinate your own working pattern and nursery slots to match this pattern.

LittleRedRoses · 12/04/2023 19:07

This thread title is also misleading. DH’s colleague thwarting flexi working request. If the colleague hasn’t already been asked then how can they disagree to it? Or has the colleague already said no I wonder?

BeeBB · 12/04/2023 19:08

If I was your husbands colleague I would be absolutely fuming and very much doubt the reason for it to save money is grounds for a flexible working request. If I was your husbands manager or another colleague who gets wind of this I wouldn’t be very impressed either.

I appreciate life will be quite demanding for you both but you can’t expect to inconvenience someone else just so you can try and save money on nursery fees surely?

Can your DH not apply for paternity leave if you are scrimping on maternity leave. Or can one of you not ask to reduce your hours temporarily.

Caffeineislife · 12/04/2023 19:12

@RiktheButler me too. I have never heard of a "niche skill" employer who pays market rate and has decent working hours who doesn't have far too many applicants for an advertised job.

Also a job unfilled for 4 years... Possibly isn't a necessary job and when OP's husband flounces off will just no longer exist. Amazed it didn't just get the job description split amongst existing employees when it went unfilled for 4 years.

Only thing I can think is it's either a very unattractive a job in the arse end of nowhere. Or it doesn't pay market rate, has crap hours and little flexibility. If this is the case I can hardly see them granting a flexible working request.

Zanatdy · 12/04/2023 19:14

you can decline as it’s not practical which it’s not, you can’t expect one person to have to cop the rubbish shift always as you want to save nursery costs. I’d be looking at other options as it’s very likely this won’t be accepted surely?

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 12/04/2023 19:14

steff13 · 12/04/2023 17:59

The colleague might agree. 9-5 is not exactly an onerous shift. It's a pretty standard work day for most people.

I wouldn’t if I could work 6-2

as a morning person this is my dream shift. I’m not alone since the OP said the later one was the shit shift.

Fluckinghell · 12/04/2023 19:14

SunnySaturdayMorning · 12/04/2023 18:30

But we don't plan on bankrupting ourselves for the shitshow that is childcare fees in the UK.

If you couldn’t afford to have more children then you shouldn’t have put yourselves in this situation.

Blaming everyone else and wanting others to inconvenience themselves is out of order. Take some responsibility for your own life choices.

😂😂😂 who the fuck chooses to have twins??????

You dont get the choice im afraid. What a ridiculous comment!

Againstmachine · 12/04/2023 19:18

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 12/04/2023 19:14

I wouldn’t if I could work 6-2

as a morning person this is my dream shift. I’m not alone since the OP said the later one was the shit shift.

Show quote history

Me too I worked this shift in a temp job it was brilliant 6am -2pm and still got plenty of day to yourself

HMW1906 · 12/04/2023 19:18

Bearing in mind that this will have a massive impact on the colleague in terms of their shift pattern I think him
not being happy about it is a good enough reason for it to be rejected….and personally I think it should be rejected! What if he has childcare arrangements where he picks his children up from school every other week when he finishes at 2pm for example, do you think your childcare issues take priority over this?

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 12/04/2023 19:19

Christ some mean comments

However I think you will not get this through op if I was the collegue it's a no from me.

You might need to change YOUR shifts

ChrisPPancake · 12/04/2023 19:20

Can you not work flexibly so you're opposite to dh?

MysteryBelle · 12/04/2023 19:21

No, this isn’t fair on the colleague. You should be able to understand that. You can’t dictate to him his shifts with your h taking the better one ‘indefinitely’.

This reflects very badly on you. H should have told you no. Not your place to tell h’s colleague that his work and world revolve around you. I can hardly believe you’re trying to pull this stunt.

Coffeepot72 · 12/04/2023 19:21

It sounds more like you want to thwart the other persons flexi work schedule or ability to have a say in it.

Would you think it was ok if the colleague submitted the request for 6-2, got approved and then only after that your DH was informed "tough shit, your colleague asked".

It's absolutely fine to ask, but it's the fact you seem to want to do it a sneaky way so the colleague doesn't get a say is why you're getting a bad response.

This!

MelroseGrainger · 12/04/2023 19:22

I think you’re jumping ahead considering your children aren’t yet born, let alone in nursery. When are you planning to send them to nursery? How do you even know that your chosen nursery will have the slots that work around your proposed working patterns?

BoojaBooj2 · 12/04/2023 19:22

Caffeineislife · 12/04/2023 19:12

@RiktheButler me too. I have never heard of a "niche skill" employer who pays market rate and has decent working hours who doesn't have far too many applicants for an advertised job.

Also a job unfilled for 4 years... Possibly isn't a necessary job and when OP's husband flounces off will just no longer exist. Amazed it didn't just get the job description split amongst existing employees when it went unfilled for 4 years.

Only thing I can think is it's either a very unattractive a job in the arse end of nowhere. Or it doesn't pay market rate, has crap hours and little flexibility. If this is the case I can hardly see them granting a flexible working request.

I'm also wondering how it survived 50% understaffed, for 4 years - unless these two are the last men standing.
Not sure if OP has the leverage she thinks she has.

MysteryBelle · 12/04/2023 19:25

Team Colleague. Thwart away, Colleague!

You have some nerve.

StaceySolomonSwash · 12/04/2023 19:28

Wanting the better shift all the time because you've got children? 🤣🤣

My ex worked shifts 6am-2pm, 2pm-10pm, 10pm-6am 6 days a week. Three weeks after I gave birth he went to 6am-6pm/6pm-6am 6 days a week. He was away from home for 16 hours a day 6 days a week. He had to sign the over the maximum hours agreement. I had to drastically reduce my hours as his job was safety related in a regulated industry and mine was just (to be honest) basic admin. If this is real, mum ID and twinnies, you've got to suck it up, buttercup.

JudgeJ · 12/04/2023 19:28

mamabeeboo · 12/04/2023 15:23

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

So you're expecting him to downgrade his lifestyle to suit your convenience? It's your choice to have children, you can't expect the reat of the world to revolve around you.

Original poster
mamabeeboo · 12/04/2023 19:29

Gosh these comments... 🙄

I appreciate what everyone is saying that it inconveniences colleague, he also has a life, who wants to be stuck with the bad shift etc. But if you don't ask you don't get. So i would like to see what happens, even if it is a 2/3 day shift compromise, better than nothing.

I don't think its entitled to want to try. If the answer is no, then we cannot afford full time childcare for 2 and DH will stay at home. Its not an ultimatum, or throwing toys out of the pram, it just wouldn't make financial sense.

But my first port of call is to see the childcare options available for half days as I wouldn't want to submit a request for it to go in vain.

OP posts:
Cc1998 · 12/04/2023 19:31

mamabeeboo · 12/04/2023 19:29

Gosh these comments... 🙄

I appreciate what everyone is saying that it inconveniences colleague, he also has a life, who wants to be stuck with the bad shift etc. But if you don't ask you don't get. So i would like to see what happens, even if it is a 2/3 day shift compromise, better than nothing.

I don't think its entitled to want to try. If the answer is no, then we cannot afford full time childcare for 2 and DH will stay at home. Its not an ultimatum, or throwing toys out of the pram, it just wouldn't make financial sense.

But my first port of call is to see the childcare options available for half days as I wouldn't want to submit a request for it to go in vain.

It's not entitled to ask, but it IS entitled that you've pretty much blamed the colleague for not wanting the 9 - 5 shift and made out like he's an inconvenience to your lifestyle choices.

Hotcrossed · 12/04/2023 19:32

no i dont think it is entitled to ask
crazy responses
perhaps the other person would prefer a standard set of hours too