DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

I think you need to be prepared for the inevitable no

Op you have failed to answer many questions...

Are you going back full time? Can you do compressed hours? How long do you get for lunch to finish at one, get the twins from nursery and home back for 2? And who will have the twins between you finishing lunch at 2 and DH leaving work at 2 and getting back?

Op the proposal of set shifts is the most sensible one... if DH isn't a high earner and you're not either than look at UC... with childcare fees for 3 then you likely will be entitled to something to help.

Or look at a nanny or an au pair who can be more flexible around your husbands shift pattern.

What if the colleague has/wants a family too? Or has a million other reasons he doesn’t want to always be stuck with the later shift? Is he not equally entitled to an opinion on his shifts too?

Did your Husband think to chat to him about his feelings?

Your Husband doesn’t have the right to change someone else’s working pattern to suit your life choices.

I think some latitude for the OP might be kind. She’s had opinions, information etc so perhaps not hounding a woman pregnant with twins in her third trimester would be kind…

'Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no'

Feedback from the colleague will be and should be enough for a no. Pretty presumptuous of you to assume your family, finances and arrangements should trump theirs.

I think that it’s all well and good not wanting to pay exorbitant childcare fees but then you were aware of the fees and continued to extend your family. We have 5 children- 3 are under 5.in no world would I want to pay 3 sets of nursery fees either. It never occurred to me to try and mess up my colleagues work/life balance to make it work though . My husband and I have changed jobs, had promotions which paid enough to allowed me to drop my hours and found a workplace that has shift options that allow us to work opposites without it impacting on other people- all to avoid paying nursery fees. We couldn’t have afforded a large family without it.

you need to consider all your options. Could one of you reduce your hours?

@mamabeeboo I had twins - although many years ago. Do not underestimate just how tiring twins are - especially with another young child. Mine were pretty good sleepers, but 3 hourly feeds for several months and we were on our knees.
I know now you plan to not take your full maternity leave, but don't cast that in stone until you have too.

As for the shifts- it's not really fair to dump all the "bad" shifts onto your DH's colleagues, so you might have to think again on that one.

"But we don't plan on bankrupting ourselves for the shit show that is childcare fees in the UK" Yes our priority is our family and our finances "

Writes the poster critical of the individualist mentality she has noticed on MN 🤦

your twins aren’t his problem I’m afraid

Oh give over she's acting like the world owes her something.

Also being pregnant is her choice.

I'd assume that it will cost the company more as they'll need to pay the other employee a premium to be on the permanent later shift

Are you able to work flexibly so that you can start at 6am on the days that your DH is on the later shift?

You have asked about how to put this into a flexible working request, well the main thing is to focus on how it will either benefit the business or at the very least not adversely impact the business. The request should not be about yoyr childcare plans. So actually, DH might do better to speak to his colleagues and see if anybody is willing to take the 9-5 shift permanently. If somebody is, then you present that with your flexible working request and hopefully it would go through without any problem.

Not alluding to it, or even hoping that the other person or persons don’t hear about it, is disingenuous. The person reviewing it will know how it will impact other people and will need to consider that, in particularly they will need to find out if anybody is willing to take the 9-5 shift permanently.

Dh works a similar shift pattern to your dh. I would be furious if he got put on permanent lates to save someone else’s childcare bill. What about dhs family life? Eating together, Transporting our dc to their clubs and activities after school. I can’t get over your levels of entitlement tbh. I appreciate you didn’t ask for twins and that the costs are doubled but that’s isn’t the other workers fault and they shouldn’t have a negative situation forced on them because you don’t want to pay childcare.

You’re effectively requesting an imposed contract change for the colleague, you can’t do that. Just because you want to change shifts does not mean someone else just has to pick up the shitty end of the stick.

And being kind is also a choice

Well presumably you mentioned that he's in a niche role, the logic being the employer would bend over backwards to not lose him?
However that goes for his colleague too.
Presumably if they don't care to pay your H more then he can't be that valuable after all? And if he has a threat he can make good on it by actually quitting and finding another job, yes?

You know, the colleague might actually agree. But it's your combative attitude that's the problem. You're not, as you change your tone 'asking for help'. That means considering the other person. You want to ride roughshod over the colleague and as PP said... how do you know colleague has no childcare arrangements? Why should he bankrupt himself for you?

There’s not much kindness coming from the OP when she’s expecting another person to pick up the shitty shift at her DH’s work to accommodate their life choices.

I’d be absolutely gobsmacked if you got anywhere with this request.

A few years back I asked to drop two afternoons a week for 5 weeks to support my elderly parents while my dad was in rehab following a call that resulted in 4 broken vertebrae.

The change had the square root of fuck all impact on anyone but was still turned down on business grounds.

If the hours are that problematic your SH needs to look for another job.

I worked with a CF like this, wanted every half term off, wanted Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, but offered to work Boxing Day, wanted Easter holidays off, then when it came to the summer holidays worked mon Tues weds of the last week of July then asked for two weeks off then requested to come back to work on the Friday Saturday and Sunday giving herself nearly 4 weeks off…because she had kids don’t you know….and got it nearly every time until a big kickoff ensued! Then is when the sickness started and other staff got called in to cover her!

And then there will be all the time off needed when they are sick and can't attend nursery.... buckle up for that

Colleague goodwill won't stretch that far...

I'd be making solid backup plans if I were you.

Your dhs employer must CONSIDER his flexible working request but they can absolutely legally decline it provided they have a valid reason.

Your dhs colleague potentially leaving if he is given the bad shift permanently is a good enough reason to decline. 1 - staff moral needs to be considered for all employees, not just your dh. 2 - if colleague walks there is a recruitment cost and productivity impact associated with that

By the way, you cannot expect any employer to just ignore another employees feedback because it doesn't favour your preference.

You sound very entitled indeed.

It can be really easy to fall into a 'me and mine' mentality when pregnant OP, and that's with one baby, nevermind two!

I totally agree with your aim of keeping childcare costs low and also ensuring both parents get time with the new babies.

I think the bit that people are picking up on here is that your approach is actively disadvantaging someone else. You know this and don't seem to want to even think about another option.

I think rethinking this to consider how you could get the colleague on side may be a better approach. Some kind of compromise as has been mentioned (can they both do the same shifts but change half way through the week for ex? Your DH does 8-2 every Monday and Tuesday and 9-5 Wed/Thursday or whatever)

This would increase your chances of a successful request, meet your aim of keeping childcare costs low and maintain a good working relationship between your DH and his colleague.

Good luck

Which the OP isn't being kind it works both ways.

Why dont you change your shifts to working evenings and weekends. Then you wouldnt have any nursery fees.