Work’s Christmas party disaster! Did I act inappropriately?

[Disinterestedx]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, a bit of background info: I’m new out of university and have been working for a great small company for a few months. The job is quite junior really, not very well paid for a graduate, and I’m probably overqualified for it. However, the company is good, my manager is nice, the job is easy and stress-free, and the management are obviously happy with me and actually nominated me “employee of the month” recently. I also generally get on with people at my work and have made friends.

Anyway, I went to the Christmas party yesterday which, for the most part, was very good. I don’t drink much so I was very sober compared to most people! My boyfriend also came along for the latter part of the night. Anyway, at 2am in the morning, this man in his 50s/60s comes up to me, stands really uncomfortably close to me, with his face practically touching mine, his hand touching my back etc. My boyfriend is mouthing “are you okay?” because he sees that I look uncomfortable. Anyway, this man says that he’s the Chair of the Board of Directors and that he’s very important, etc. He asks me who I am and what I do. He then starts interrogating me about my job, its value, whether I’ll be able to cope as the company expands and grows, etc., he starts belittling me, saying, “What even IS your background?”. When I say that I’m an Oxford graduate, he says “that’s irrelevant”. He starts asking me questions that don’t even relate to my job role and chuckling when I don’t answer in the way he wants. It starts to feel like a really unpleasant job interview and his face is centimeters from mine. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears and rush to the toilet. When I come out, I’m shaking with anger. My boyfriend tries to calm me down but I then go up to him and say, “Learn some manners, mate - there’s a time and place”, and then give him a patronizing slap on the back. It made me feel a lot better, but I’m now wondering about whether there’ll be any repercussions.

Do you think I acted inappropriately, or was I in my rights to assert my boundaries?

He sounds like a total tosser. I doubt there will be repercussions for you. You might want to think about raising a complaint against him for the inappropriate touching.

Oh dear. Well, hopefully he'll be too drunk to remember, but I'd spend the holidays looking for a new job.

Without knowing the man it's impossible to say what if anything will happen unfortunately

Ive worked at places where speaking to the big boss like that would not have gone down well

I personally wouldn’t have said what you said to someone senior. I’d have just taken it in, smiled and kept in my mind that this man is an idiot and to limit contact with him.

Depends on the place. Sounds like he was a little drunk as well. Doesn't always bring out the best in people. If the company are used to having these parties it's likely that this wasn't the first time people have been out of line.

I'd do nothing.

If it's brought up say ''oh yes I remember now, he was so inappropriate, grilling me about whether or not I could do the job I've already been hired to do. Did he grill anybody else, or {gesture down to hot body} just me?''.

He sounds like a lecherous old perve who picked up on the fact that you were a bit repulsed by him and then he changed tack from McCasanova to The-Big)Iam to save face..

Know the type. Thankfully I'm 52 now but I believe you and others will too.

I would do nothing though. What's he going to say?. I talked to a woman at the party and based on our party conversation i don't think she can do her job.
If he says that this woman told him there's a time and a place, then he'll be asked ''what were you doing that was not the right time and place?''.

Honestly, If you see him at work (unlikely) and if he talks to you, whatever gubbins he comes out with to defend himself say ''that may be, but I hope I can count on you to be professional''.

I don't think you telling him to back off and stop interrogating you was unreasonable, but the slap on the back crossed a line.

Is that you Harvey Weinstein?

Personally I applaud you

From your description it sounds like he was drunk and acted inappropriately.

Your come back "Learn some manners, mate - there’s a time and place” then slapping him in the back, was odd, didn't fit the situation and was unnecessary.

It would have been apt to say something like 'your behaviour, questions and closeness is making me uncomfortable.' Or 'I think you've had too much to drink because you're behaving unprofessionally' or simply as you did initially, walk away and get out of proximity with him.

I doubt he'll have a clear recollection of what happened by Monday and hopefully he'll realise that what he does remember didn't paint him in a good light.

I think you were well within your rights to do that but I'd be worried for your job. You've potentially pissed someone off who can get you fired. It's so wrong but doesn't mean it won't happen.

He sounds horrible. I don't think what you did is that bad considering the way he behaved towards you.

I'd be inclined to speak to your boss on Monday morning and tell them what happened. Get your version of events across.

If they got rid of you because of the incident then that's not a workplace you want to stay at.

Really? If it had been a racist comment then this would not have been accepted. Good for you op. I imagine he's not use to being challenged!

Same.

Be prepared to look for another job but I wouldn't kick myself over this, you don't want to work for an odious little perv like him.

Thank you for your kind words and advice 🙂

Me too.

I imagine you will be fine. It sounds like he was pissed and probably won't remember much. I think he deserved what you said and if he remembers, probably realises it. Having said that, hopefully he's a decent bloke when sober and not a spiteful arse.

I think his behaviour sounds seriously twattish but your behaviour was kind of aggressive and probably also crossed a line.

It sounds like you think you're too good for this job because you said you think you're over qualified for it when actually you're only just out of uni. There are very few jobs that people straight out of uni are over qualified for. Do you think he picked up on that? (Not excusing him by the way just wondering if there is a world where your responses to his questions made you sound like you didn't want to be at the company).

I bet he won't remember much and to be honest his coat is on a VERY shaky peg if he takes this into work with the way he was - if anything he is probably extremely nervous about you complaining.

Have you ever heard of a board of directors before in conjunction with your job? Because it's pretty rare for small businesses to have them, as far as I'm aware. I smell bullshit (his). I also smell creepy misogyny.

If it's raised, explain yourself clearly and factually, basically as you've done here but with less emotion and without mentioning your boyfriend. Say he was invading your personal space, belittling your education and questioning your competence, which read as ageist, sexist behaviour. If pressed say you acted in the heat of the moment with the comment and the slap on the back, but that you felt uncomfortable and then as you took some time out to process that, you felt angry.

Take a witness to any meetings. If called in 'for a chat' be very clear if this is a disciplinary meeting or a fact find or whatever. Read the company's disciplinary process tomorrow.

But honestly, I don't think you've got anything to worry about. If he remembers he may bite back, but it's not on for old leches to come onto the grads anymore.

I think that you are well within your rights to bring a case of Harassment against him.
Did the venue have cctv?

He sounds awful! I wonder what his intentions were. Not sure it was the best of come backs but he was probably drunk

Really? This sounds v bizarre

Well done you. He sounds a total nobber. I think you handled it brilliantly. Xx