Work’s Christmas party disaster! Did I act inappropriately?

[Disinterestedx]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, a bit of background info: I’m new out of university and have been working for a great small company for a few months. The job is quite junior really, not very well paid for a graduate, and I’m probably overqualified for it. However, the company is good, my manager is nice, the job is easy and stress-free, and the management are obviously happy with me and actually nominated me “employee of the month” recently. I also generally get on with people at my work and have made friends.

Anyway, I went to the Christmas party yesterday which, for the most part, was very good. I don’t drink much so I was very sober compared to most people! My boyfriend also came along for the latter part of the night. Anyway, at 2am in the morning, this man in his 50s/60s comes up to me, stands really uncomfortably close to me, with his face practically touching mine, his hand touching my back etc. My boyfriend is mouthing “are you okay?” because he sees that I look uncomfortable. Anyway, this man says that he’s the Chair of the Board of Directors and that he’s very important, etc. He asks me who I am and what I do. He then starts interrogating me about my job, its value, whether I’ll be able to cope as the company expands and grows, etc., he starts belittling me, saying, “What even IS your background?”. When I say that I’m an Oxford graduate, he says “that’s irrelevant”. He starts asking me questions that don’t even relate to my job role and chuckling when I don’t answer in the way he wants. It starts to feel like a really unpleasant job interview and his face is centimeters from mine. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears and rush to the toilet. When I come out, I’m shaking with anger. My boyfriend tries to calm me down but I then go up to him and say, “Learn some manners, mate - there’s a time and place”, and then give him a patronizing slap on the back. It made me feel a lot better, but I’m now wondering about whether there’ll be any repercussions.

Do you think I acted inappropriately, or was I in my rights to assert my boundaries?

Omg, the amount of "be a good girl and keep quiet" in this thread is appalling! Well done OP for calling this tosser out on his behaviour. If you catch any repurcussions, tell them you'll be heading straight to an unfair dismissal claim for sexual harassment as that is what it was!

I can't believe the number of posts defending his behaviour because he's 'important'. Wtf.

Well done you! You handled it very well.

If you were my daughter I would suggest if anything like this ever happens again step away sooner. Say excuse me and just walk away.

Haw very dare he try and use his seniority to get away with behaving inappropriately.

Sympathies generally with the OP - but while I haven't been to many Xmas office parties in my time, I am bemused that it should still be going on at 2am, I mean it sounds like asking for trouble all round with the drink going down. Personally I would have made my excuses and left well before that, especially being a newbie, as it can be hard to read the room and not have enough leverage to brazen out a bad situation.

I think your reaction was good assuming the slap on the back more a gentle pat and not hard - slap makes it sound like it was designed to hurt. Could you clarify that point? You don’t know if he is actually Senior or not. He might not be as senior as you think but even if he is, worst that can happen is HR speak to you about the slap on the back. Telling him to mind his manners is always fine but I wouldn’t make physical contact next time. If HR do contact you be sure to say he was rude. Agressive, belittling and far to close and in your personal space. He deserved your response. HR likely know about him already. I doubt it’s the first or the last time he’s inappropriate and drunk at the work party. Id be very surprised if anything comes of this. You’ve never seen him before and you’ll likely never see him again. I’d be amazed if he remembers your name even!

I very much doubt you'll have to be looking for another job! It's fear like this that allows men to get away with behaving badly towards junior members of staff, but in reality very few people are sacked for knocking back their boss. I've had to do it, and it only earned me respect

I wouldn't worry about it, really. If he's as big a deal as he says he is, it's going to incriminate him if he goes back to the business to complain about (no offence) the newest, least significant young woman in the business. (Not a dig at you at all, OP, just trying to put it into perspective if he is the terribly big cheese he reckons he is.)
If the business is small, chances are he's the father of a founder in a non-exec board role and gets to turn up to the Christmas party once a year and lech. Not a big deal.
Get what you need in terms of experience and a good foundation for your CV at this company and then move on. Good luck and don't worry!

You hit him? That's not assertiveness, that's aggression.

Me too!

Also good advice from PP about getting out of the situation quicker next time. ‘Let’s talk about that later!’ Or ‘oh look it’s Phil!’ and point to anyone and head over to talk to them instead. In most cases ‘Phil’ will enjoy an amusing story of why you shouted a random name and ran over to a person you’ve never met before. A quick ‘oof he’s had 1 too many! Needed to get out of there fast!’ with a laugh and a thank you is fine.

Sounds horrendous. What a hideous person. I don't think you did anything wrong no.

Well done! If anything gets said you can tell everyone about his inappropriate behavior. Actually you tell everyone anyone. What a horrible man.

I'm on your side and I hope you don't face repercussions. Women have had to deal with lecherous, misogynistic, patronising men since the dawn of time and it has to stop. I've been in your position so I understand your reaction. I just hope he doesn't use his power to make life difficult for you.

It was unprofessional, but I wanted to invade his personal space as he had invaded mine.

Thank you

Behave, she slapped him on the back. Hardly kneeing him in the bollocks is it?

It's unlikely to be the first time and I suspect he's known for it.

I once had one of the business owners look over my shoulder at work so he was right "next to my face" and say something I thought inappropriate. I grabbed his wrist, forceing him to move, and told him in no uncertain terms not to try that again. Then I asked him if he wanted to join me in a meeting with the other owners to discuss the matter. He squirmed, made excuses, and never bothered me again.

Well done standing up to him. I'd get your story on record if you feel it's necessary to do. Try and find out who exactly he is first so you know what you are dealing with.

In my case I knew the other owners well enough to argue my case if I'd had to.

Which is what I would have done.

He deserved it! You need to educate yourself a bit on misogyny. Google it. I consider that way more aggressive and dangerous than what the op did!

patronising spelled with a z huh?

I think that was a spot-on reaction - not being too rude but firm and putting him in his place. If there are any repercussions you don't want to be working there anyway, seriously. Hopefully it was just drunken wankery and he'll be mortified when he realises how he acted.

American spellcheck.

this post honestly reads like the plot of a bad Bridget jones esque film.

@Echobelly I don’t think he’ll be mortified - he was making the rounds of all the young women. It’s obviously in his nature to be a lecher.

He’s sounds like an arse and personally I would report this to your line manager first thing tomorrow.
However, you very quickly went from booing in the loos to slapping him on the back in a Danny Dyer stylee. Was it your boyfriend who did that really?

and by the way, you’re not over qualified for any job when it’s your first out of uni.