Work’s Christmas party disaster! Did I act inappropriately?

[Disinterestedx]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, a bit of background info: I’m new out of university and have been working for a great small company for a few months. The job is quite junior really, not very well paid for a graduate, and I’m probably overqualified for it. However, the company is good, my manager is nice, the job is easy and stress-free, and the management are obviously happy with me and actually nominated me “employee of the month” recently. I also generally get on with people at my work and have made friends.

Anyway, I went to the Christmas party yesterday which, for the most part, was very good. I don’t drink much so I was very sober compared to most people! My boyfriend also came along for the latter part of the night. Anyway, at 2am in the morning, this man in his 50s/60s comes up to me, stands really uncomfortably close to me, with his face practically touching mine, his hand touching my back etc. My boyfriend is mouthing “are you okay?” because he sees that I look uncomfortable. Anyway, this man says that he’s the Chair of the Board of Directors and that he’s very important, etc. He asks me who I am and what I do. He then starts interrogating me about my job, its value, whether I’ll be able to cope as the company expands and grows, etc., he starts belittling me, saying, “What even IS your background?”. When I say that I’m an Oxford graduate, he says “that’s irrelevant”. He starts asking me questions that don’t even relate to my job role and chuckling when I don’t answer in the way he wants. It starts to feel like a really unpleasant job interview and his face is centimeters from mine. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears and rush to the toilet. When I come out, I’m shaking with anger. My boyfriend tries to calm me down but I then go up to him and say, “Learn some manners, mate - there’s a time and place”, and then give him a patronizing slap on the back. It made me feel a lot better, but I’m now wondering about whether there’ll be any repercussions.

Do you think I acted inappropriately, or was I in my rights to assert my boundaries?

Btw I'm curious what is the correct time and place for harassment

It was late, she was distressed, she didn’t have time to craft a statement and have it vetted by her media team, give the kid a break!

All of this sounds completely plausible and not remotely untrue

Nobody clapped though.

That makes me feel sad.

His behaviour sounds strange and inappropriate, but I'm not sure why you went back over to him after the conversation ended?

Your final comment just makes no sense in relation to the rest of the conversation.

This.

If he really is Chairman of the Board of Directors then you might need to watch your back at work for a while, but he very probably won’t remember you (or will reframe it in his mind to decide he ‘likes a woman with spirit’ 🤢 so he feels less embarrassed).

That said you definitely need to learn how to respond to sexual harassment and sexist bullying in the workplace from a senior. This won’t be the last time you meet a man like that in your career. ☹️

With people like that there’s no way to shut them up, you have to physically leave, I usually glance past them and say “Oh, excuse me” and walk away and don’t come back, while reflecting on how his marriage will be unloving and how he’ll probably die young of liver problems/ a heart attack from too much booze. Not nice I know but it helps feelings calm down.

Whilst not minimising what has happened (as only you know the full context), in the cold light of day, what do you want to happen now? and in the future. Work on this, and the possible scenarios that may play out tomorrow and your response to them. Then, if you can, try and put the incident out of your mind.

He'll be more worried than you I would think.

I'd flag with my manager that he had been lechy.

Good for you. Awful man. No one should have to put up with that. He probably won’t remember and moved onto his next victim to annoy and Harrass unfortunately for them.

I agree with this.

Anyone who starts a sentence with "Whilst not minimising" is literally going to go on and minimise.

Ugh. It doesn't matter who he is. Well done for sticking up for yourself. Disgusting behaviour.

You're young and intelligent - you don't need them. Try to not worry about repercussions because it's 100% their loss. You will look back and not feel bad about it. I promise you this. You've got this x

Had you heard of this man before, his position or role within the company structure?
I doubt that he is as important as he wants you to think.
Sounds like you were intimidated, undermined and made account for yourself by a drunken Jackass.
I would report it at work and mention that your boyfriend witnessed the entire incident.
I feel that by worrying about your response to this guy, you are taking on a responsibility, that is not yours.
Your response was not perfect, but you were stressed, upset and thrown of course by this man’s unpleasant and inappropriate behaviour.
Normal people don’t attend social events armed with perfect counter attack responses to hostile behaviour.

It sounds like he was the one at fault. It probably won’t even get mentioned in the office when you’re next in.
I would raise your concerns with your line manager though, totally out of order.

I would also use it as your opportunity to get out the company too. Why continue to give your services to someone like that!!!

Nah sorry I don't believe this one.

'2am in the morning' but defo had to drop in the 'educated at Oxford' bit
SME with a board of Directors
Clapback that pure did not make sense

Naaaahhhhhh

Many small companies have Boards of Directors. I'm on several.

Small companies have directors who, when "trying to impress or show power" will use that description. The board might not be very big, but it exists. In fact, even if a company has one director, it has board meetings.

It's all perfectly plausible.

What I've learned from work dos over the years. Don't drink more than one before the meal. Enjoy the meal and leave within two hours of it ending.

This tends to avoid all the issues, whilst getting the most fun out of the occasion.

You stood up to him. That takes courage. You made it very clear he had crossed a boundary. You deserve 'employee of the month' just for that

Honestly, I'd look for another job and probably one that gives you more challenge and opportunity. Look at the grad schemes - you can still apply for them if you have a year of work under your belt. If not a grad scheme, there will be lots out there in January. A great time to be looking as there's usually lots of jobs advertised. Try not to assume a more challenging job will be stressful.

Good luck!

@sorcerersapprentice Thank you for your advice and kind words.

@cinnabongene
What would I have to gain by making up stories and posting them on Mumsnet?

@tikkititi They taught me about tautologies as they taught me about dramatic emphasis.

@Adviceneeded200 Yes, that’s it. I think he was trying to inflate his position to impress me.

I love the part where you called him "mate". Tear from left eye.

I love the image of the OP suddenly getting a rush of post-wee adrenaline and taking a running jump at the guy. After which everyone clapped and triumphant music swelled as the plucky Oxford graduate (played by Emilia Clarke or something) gets one over on the sleazy boss (possibly played by Billy Bob Thornton). The boyfriend nods approvingly.