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Original poster

To be shit scared I'll loose my job

331 replies

SunshineInCorwall · 09/12/2022 16:07

We have a first come, first served for Christmas and if you work one Christmas Day you get the next off. Most of our team have children under 8.

This year its my turn to work. Howver, that every other Christmas I've been due to work recently, there has been some emergency and I've had to call in a day or so nefore Christmas. Kids sick, DH sick, you know real life!

Just overheard two colleagues seriously talking about whether they "take the hit now" and offer to swap with me now or which one will be on call to cover me over Christmas, so they can manage expectations for their kids, they seemed really worried as noth have had to step in on a previous Christmas. Our team leader also overheard and just said to them that she's "aware" and will move heaven and to protect their break. (she's already working running the whole dept over Christmas so won't see her children at all, so not sure what that means)

I'm shit scared that something will happen and I will loose my job. What can I do? My husband is wonderful but useless so can't leave him to anything.

Would you quietly approach colleagues and ask them to swap?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 09/12/2022 20:21

DingDangMintyBells · 09/12/2022 20:09

Everyone is piling onto a poster who says her DH is unwell and saying he isn’t unwell, it is possible that she can’t leave her children with alone with him.

So how's she working something that requires shifts at all?

FlamingJingleBells · 09/12/2022 20:21

Get a job as TA or school receptionist so you're only working term time. I think your personal circumstances won't allow you to work shifts or full time. You need to be realistic about your situation before you get a bad reference.

oakleaffy · 09/12/2022 20:23

Crimeismymiddlename · 09/12/2022 20:11

I have had several employees like you op. I bet you have issues/illnesses that prevent you from working bank holidays and know the sickness policy inside out so you know how much leeway you have until you get pushed onto the absence plan.
I too think you were going to call in again and that is why you are thinking about asking co workers swap instead.
Heres an idea, work your shift. If your husband is so useless he can’t work maybe think about how skiving off another xmas will be a cemented pattern and you probably will get a disciplinary of some sort. Your co workers need an xmas they can enjoy.

It is deeply selfish to ruin other's hard earned Christmas breaks time after time.
The fact OP is looking to swap already shows she's deciding to weasel out of the duty already.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 09/12/2022 20:25

Absolutely 💯. That's all I can think reading this. I'd be cringing inside. So embarrassing @Whatmarbles

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 09/12/2022 20:27

I do question why the colleagues are answering their phones on a holiday they’ve got as a day off.

I wouldn’t.

And I especially wouldn’t drop my plans for CF colleague who feels entitled to Christmas off. It’s her shift, I’d let her do it.

And if she does it every time they know it’s not a ‘real’ emergency, just piss-taking.

So as much as the OP is at fault I think the colleagues need to address their boundaries.

pinkfondu · 09/12/2022 20:29

How many Christmas's have you done this? How can you not appreciate why they are worried? Wouldn't you the other way round?

FlamingJingleBells · 09/12/2022 20:29

If you don't work your shift this Christmas then you probably will lose your job.

Countreauqueen · 09/12/2022 20:34

I’ve actually managed staff who have behaved in this way, I think it’s truly selfish that you’ve managed by one way or another to get Christmas off every year. Everyone can see it and you are not fooling anyone whatever excuses you are making. The only way to redeem yourself is to accept that whatever happens you are working Christmas this year, make your contingency plans now. Of course you husband can look after a poorly child and cook a Turkey until you get home, thousands of us do it every year, you are not special.

NotTerfNorCis · 09/12/2022 20:34

FWIW I think people are being too hard on the OP. She missed her turn in the past because of emergencies. Who knows what they were? Could have been kids rushed to hospital. And with that run of bad luck in the past, she's worried it'll happen yet again and she'll end up in trouble. Chances are, it won't.

Meceme · 09/12/2022 20:34

DingDangMintyBells · 09/12/2022 20:09

Everyone is piling onto a poster who says her DH is unwell and saying he isn’t unwell, it is possible that she can’t leave her children with alone with him.

Then, knowing that is a possibility, she needs to make alternative arrangements to support him and her children while she fulfills her working commitments. She has known she's going to be rostered to work ALL YEAR.

FuckMyLife2022 · 09/12/2022 20:35

DingDangMintyBells · 09/12/2022 19:41

Someone with depression can be a good parent whilst having some glaring issues due to DEPRESSION. I assume all the hater on this thread have perfect mental health and just don’t get it.

Lol. I have CPTSD and have been under CMHT for years. I’m also a lone parent that works. I have to look after my kids and earn money because there’s no other adult here to wipe my arse for me.

CovertImage · 09/12/2022 20:39

I'm very well liked usually

Bet you're not

Narwhalsh · 09/12/2022 20:39

Eh? Surely you are mortified that your colleagues think you are so unreliable and you will be the one moving heaven and earth to ensure you pull your weight and work your allotted shift so they can spend time with their families?

Your DH has to adult like the rest of us. ‘Wonderful but useless’ makes no sense.

Mañanarama · 09/12/2022 20:42

It’s possible to be well liked at work yet still be a flakey fucker. So stop worrying they hate you, OP, they’re just rightfully concerned their Xmas will be fucked up again. Biggest day of the year for most families. You cannot let them down again.

As a pp said, you need to crawl in there with two broken legs if you have to. Your husband or mum will just have to manage. And you need to offer to cover next year too. Just arrange to have Xmas day on 26th/27th so your husband doesn’t have to navigate a big day on his own. And in the new year, get him help so he can function as a father whenever he’s needed.

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 09/12/2022 20:42

"so they can manage expectations for their kids"

Your poor colleagues and their families. You are probably not as well liked as you think you are.

Whattodo182 · 09/12/2022 20:47

SunshineInCorwall · 09/12/2022 17:56

I'm stepping away now. I got it, I'm a shit colleague, but not intentionally and I'm very well liked usually, this is why I'm in such shock that anyone would talk about me like this.

Thank you to those who took the time to try and see the different perspectives.

I don't think you are very well liked tbh.
Working Christmas Day is shit (I do it) but thinking you have it OFF to then HAVE to work is utterly heartbreaking and you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. I hope you've stepped away to figure out how you're going to attempt to make amends.

MilkyYay · 09/12/2022 20:53

You do absolutely everything necessary to ensure you take your turn and work it.

HelloBunny · 09/12/2022 20:54

What is their kids get sick?
Would you go in?

BlueMongoose · 09/12/2022 21:01

If I was one of your colleagues and you wanted yet again to have Christmas off when it is supposed to be turn and turn about, and asked me, I'd tell you to fuck off. Do you really not give a damn about how unfair you are being?
If I was your boss I would not have allowed you to abuse your colleagues before by doing this, and if you tried it on again, or dared to have the cheek to ask your colleagues to swop, youd' be in deep shit. In fact, I'd already have had you in my office telling you that if you even attempted to ask anyone to swop I'd make it a disciplinary matter. I wouldn't have staff using emotional blackmail to get something they were not entitled to - it could even be considered a form of bullying. It's clearly causing trouble with other employees, which to me makes it a disciplinary matter.

surreygirl1987 · 09/12/2022 21:10

Eh? I'd be so mad if you were my colleague!

BlueMongoose · 09/12/2022 21:11

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/12/2022 17:59

You're kidding yourself. Nobody likes piss-takers, OP. Your colleagues have children also and you've put your own selfish wants above your colleagues seeing their children over Christmas.

Just do your bloody job - or don't - but you will not be getting away with this any more and I'm glad your manager is standing up for your colleagues.

Step away from the thread by all means, I doubt you'll have any supporters on it any more than you do at work.

It's not just those with kids, either. Last Christmas was, I felt pretty sure, the last one my father would see, as he was very ill (this was indeed the case), so that day was precious to him and to the rest of the family. It's not only those with kids.
I have worked in a job where some people in other departments could often not get home for Christmas. Nobody got time off on Boxing Day because everyone had to be there- meaning those with families at a distance couldn't get home for Christmas and then back in time for work (back then, few of us had cars). Compared to that, the OP is lucky she gets Christmas Day even some years....
It's interesting how these crises and her spouse's problems seem to emerge on the 25th of December. Pure coincidence, no doubt.

Itsthewhitehat · 09/12/2022 21:23

He has depression so bad he can’t ever be alone with the children or just on big days? Can’t cope with any ‘big days’ But is also a wonderful father?

Amazing how that works out. He can’t cope with the days people want off, you end up getting them off every year due to his really specific illness.

TBH, it doesn’t matter why he is ‘useless’. It’s not your colleagues problem, that around ‘big days’ you husband can’t cope with looking after his kids. Your childcare problems are your problem. But you are managing to make it everyone else’s. If you know he can’t cope, you should always have a back up.

and your boss didn’t raise it. The other staff raised it with her. It’s fairly clear you expected to have another ‘family emergency’ this year. It’s completely selfish.

Newmum0322 · 09/12/2022 21:29

Should you ask to swap!?!? Yes sure… if you like unemployment!

Algor1thm · 09/12/2022 21:32

If you've let others down in the past you need to make sure you're there this year come hell or high water. Are you joking about your husband? Because how can you even be in a marriage with someone who's so useless you can't leave them with the kids for the day? On Christmas Day I wouldn't be calling in sick unless my child was literally on the brink of death... how could you ruin other people's kids' Christmases like that?

HowcanIhelp123 · 09/12/2022 21:36

Those reasons are not 'real life'. If someone who worked for me rang me to tell me they couldn't come in when they have an able-bodied other parent at home I would not be impressed! And thats without the fact it's Christmas.

Your DH needs to step up and parent his own children. If he's so unwell he can't manage a few hours while you're on shift he needs serious medical help. You're being a complete mug accepting this. What is he actually contributing to the household? No money, no childcare, none of the mental or physical load. He isn't wonderful but useless, he's plain useless. A huge number of people have depression and manage being employed single parents. He needs to be actively seeking help.

Your DH is sat at home unemployed.
School holiday? DH watches
Medical appointment? DH can take them
Unwell? DH takes care of them

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