To be shit scared I'll loose my job

[SunshineInCorwall]

We have a first come, first served for Christmas and if you work one Christmas Day you get the next off. Most of our team have children under 8.

This year its my turn to work. Howver, that every other Christmas I've been due to work recently, there has been some emergency and I've had to call in a day or so nefore Christmas. Kids sick, DH sick, you know real life!

Just overheard two colleagues seriously talking about whether they "take the hit now" and offer to swap with me now or which one will be on call to cover me over Christmas, so they can manage expectations for their kids, they seemed really worried as noth have had to step in on a previous Christmas. Our team leader also overheard and just said to them that she's "aware" and will move heaven and to protect their break. (she's already working running the whole dept over Christmas so won't see her children at all, so not sure what that means)

I'm shit scared that something will happen and I will loose my job. What can I do? My husband is wonderful but useless so can't leave him to anything.

Would you quietly approach colleagues and ask them to swap?

Would you quietly approach colleagues and ask them to swap?

no. I would move heaven and earth and crawl in with 2 broken legs to avoid the disaster again. Your DH is a grown man. Make him do his job ffs. Your poor colleagues.

You do sound like a nightmare, why should others work for you? You and your DH should get your act together and not expect other people to carry you.

You don't sound like a very nice wife actually OP. In your earlier post you say that your husband is 'useless' and then you follow up in a later post stating that 'he has depression'.

That means he is ill. Why would you refer to him as useless?

I actually do not believe you now. You added in the depression to auger a swing of support but, like your manager and colleagues, we're not buying it.

Go to work and stop trying to wheedle your way out of it!

Sorry YABVU

My DC was ill a few Christmases ago, I'm a single parent. I was due to work the afternoon shift, I still went in. DC slept on my aunts sofa (ExH won't have DC when they're ill) while i worked - my aunt, uncle and dad took it in turns to check DC while they had guests in the next room, needs must and all that!

You’re not a good colleague and not well-liked either- I would imagine you’re barely tolerated.
I honestly can’t believe that you expect your colleagues to miss yet another Christmas because of being married to an incompetent man.

Do you always treat your colleagues like shit, or only just at Christmas? And you sit there saying that most of your team have children under 8?!!! WTH do you think you should have Christmas off every year? If I was one of your colleagues and you asked me to swap, I think I'd finally blow a gasket!

I agree with this.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I'm not backing the OP, but people can be useless and have depression, they're not mutually exclusive. Having depression doesn't make someone immune from being useless.

But if that’s the case op needs to arrange support, not spoil other Christmas’s.

Your manager isn’t discussing your performance with your colleagues. She’s addressing their very real concerns that they’re going to have their Christmas plans ruined, yet again, because you can’t be relied on to do your fair share over Christmas. All she’s told them is that she’s aware of the reason behind their concerns and will do her best to protect their breaks. Instead of asking them to swap shifts now, you should be utterly mortified that you’re so unreliable that they’re already banking on you not being in. Exactly how many times have you done this?

And you may think you’re well liked, but I suspect you just work with a lot of polite people.

No one likes a pisstaker

Oh right so he has depression, is he on medication and/or seeking therapy seeing as it’s apparently impacting him from doing basic tasks. Or maybe he’s useless without the mental health issues.

I know plenty of women with mental health issues due the most horrific past traumas but they’re still having to get on with it and manage to keep their kids fed and well on a daily basis, not just for one day but somehow it’s only men that can’t seem to function when you need them to.
It’s interesting. I have a feeling you’re making excuses for him as if he had a debilitating mental health issue that is stopping him from looking after the kids you would have mentioned that and you certainly would not have called him useless.

I'm with others that think you had no intention of working Christmas this year. Why do you think your Christmas is more important than your colleagues? It sounds like they're already pretty pissed off with you so if you flake this Christmas it's pretty likely you'll lose your job

I qualified 30 years ago, worked my way up. I’ve worked 25 of 30 Christmas’s. Not all we’re ‘my’ shifts, some people are just more self centred than others and simply can’t see it

Not so depressed he can’t get you pregnant though? Just enough to opt out of adulting 🙄

Ive worked with people like you.

I'd really hate to work with you and sorry buy I don't believe your excuses. Onr xmas is bad enough but it sounds like quite a few. It's not fair that it's your turn and you make up excuses so you get it off. Your own fault if you lose your job. If you don't want to work xmas then get a diff role so you're off every year.

Agree with Pp if your that "shit scared"
You'd work it, otherwise find a job that won't mean working them

You have a DH problem; not a work problem.

Your husband is 'wonderful but useless' -then he's not that wonderful🙄

Wow this is really bad, you clearly agree to do Christmas then don’t turn up repeatedly and fuck their christmases. That’s awful

rhe fact you wanted to swap tells me you were planning on doing it again.

do your shift, and if you don’t, I hope they fire you.

If your DH can't look after children due to depression, why not mention that at the outset? I smell a rat there

Assuming that's a lie, surely you must see how frustrating it has been for colleagues to have you bail out whenever it's your turn to work Christmas? And now they've rumbled you. Fair play to them

But your solution, instead of doubling down to ensure you wouldn't let them down again, was to ask them in advance if they'd consider swapping shifts?! Unbelievable entitlement there

@SunshineInCorwall just a tip as to where you're going wrong here. In your OP you refer to all your issues that mean you can't go in to work as 'you know real life' but your colleagues and the clients also have real lives.

Think about it. You're now in the situation of pre-empting why you might flake out on work responsibilities and your colleagues, through experience, are anticipating that you're going to be unavailable to work the Christmas rota yet again and how this will affect them. This is a big negative impact on their lives and their planning ahead and management have to have a contingency plan in place. Just imagine being on the other end of the service and no one being available.

The point being that yes, real life, but real life happens to everyone, not just you and your family and real life means accepting and fulfilling your employment responsibilities, not preparing in advance for potential reasons why someone else has to give up their plans.

Regardless of whether you're liked or not on a personal level, whatever your colleagues and your manager may have said is valid, because they too all have home lives, issues, children, or partners who may be sick. Being part of a team means being a team player.

As a manager myself no do not go to your manager to discuss this. They do not want to hear excuses or reasons why your husband can't cope. Just pull your weight at work and stop this. Showing is much more important then talking and excuses. To be very frank with this history I doubt this is the first time your coworkers have said this. It's simply the first time you overheard. You really shouldn't be surprised they feel this way

I had one of these in my team years ago - suspiciously ill every Christmas and New Year. And then the same weekend as Glastonbury festival. His colleagues handily supplied the social media evidence we needed to take him to HR because they were sick to death of his flakey ways too it transpired. Nice bloke, shit colleague.

Sort your act out OP.

What do you do? You take your bloody turn.