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Original poster

I lied

289 replies

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 13:54

Before I get any hate I want to say I know I am in the wrong.

We had a virtual away day booked in for the whole organisation and I had a meeting which overlapped by 15 minutes.

My manager was unaware about the first meeting and I lied and told her it was about HR/ date protection.

She has then investigated this and has been told no I was not in a HR meeting.

I then repeated I was.

My manager has said she will be getting HR advice now.

I am planning on going in and telling the truth tomorrow but want to know can I get fired for this?

I work for this Civil Service

OP posts:
amusedbush · 05/12/2022 15:46

It's weird that you lied (and then doubled down on it) but if I was your manager, I certainly wouldn't go to HR about it. At this point, I tend to agree with PPs about learning into the HR/CPD terminology confusion otherwise it's going to look really odd and difficult to come back from.

I'm a hugely anxious person and hate upsetting anyone but I've logged into a Zoom meeting really late before and admitted that I hadn't added it to my diary because I hadn't read the host's email in full. Yes, poor form on my part but these things happen and nobody died.

PinkFrogss · 05/12/2022 15:48

When you said it was a HR/Data protection issue impacting another employee, did you name or hint at anyone? If your lie could have gotten someone in trouble it’s a lot more severe.

I would prepare something to say tomorrow fully owning up to it and apologising, I would also follow the meeting up with an email basically summering what was said in the meeting, including you owning up and apologising, so that you’ve got something in writing if the situation progresses with HR.

WeepingSomnambulist · 05/12/2022 15:48

You're still not answering why you lied.

Your company run a mentoring programme. You joined it. They matched you with someone and scheduled the first meeting. The company then also schedule some day thing.

All you need to say is "I've got a mentoring meeting for the first 15 minutes so will join after that."

Why would you lie? Your manager will know about the mentoring programme. She will know the company want this to happen. What were you trying to hide for?

It's just odd. I think it shows you actually shouldn't be a mentor.

foggydaysun · 05/12/2022 15:58

TBOM · 05/12/2022 15:12

Just say that it was mentoring, which you perceive to be an HR thing, and the data protection was about not disclosing who you're mentoring or the fact that you're mentoring because the mentee has a right to privacy. The latter is a bit of a stretch, but the worst that will happen is they will think you're a bit dim in your understanding of data protection. Problem solved.

Don’t do this OP. It will be obvious you are lying and flanneling again to cover up. Just tell the truth.

Ted27 · 05/12/2022 16:01

Another civil servant here who is baffled about why you lied and then told another lie which made things worse

but anyway its done
Dont make things up, don’t try and make the meeting fit the lie, its a bit of a stretch to make it about data protection, its just makes this worse.

You did it, apologise and say it won’t happen again and mean it.

You will probably get some kind of warning, I had a member of staff who repeatedly told lies about things there really wasnt any need to fib about. Once was baffling but by the third or fourth time is was starting to affect trust.

Others have assumed you are the mentor - but I feel you are the mentee? To emphasise there is nothing wrong about joining a scheme either as a mentor or mentee, the civil service wouldnt set them if if didnt want them to happen.

Summerfun54321 · 05/12/2022 16:04

TallulahBetty · 05/12/2022 14:52

Crumb of context for the poor, m'lud?

😂😂😂

Original poster
Smile03 · 05/12/2022 16:04

I’m not the mentor I was the mentee.

Thank you for all the advice but in this instance I think being honest to the max is best.

I am going to start off my apologising and say I lied. I’m sorry for lying and then carrying it on and explain that I understand it was wrong of me and there was no reason to lie.

I’m going to apologise for reflecting bad upon her when she realised I was not where I said and accept that my actions require some sort of repercussions.

I am also going to say it has been bothering me and had me real anxious since telling the lie.

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 05/12/2022 16:05

Just say you were mentoring another staff member (and this can be confirmed by XX) and called it HR to protect their privacy as it was not your information to share with others.
On reflection, you agree that you could have just said it was a mentoring meeting and declined to give further details to avoid identifying the other member of staff, but put on the spot you went with a HR meeting. Sorry for the confusion. End of.

Oneruleforone · 05/12/2022 16:05

“I was embarrassed to tell my manager I had registered to join a mentoring scheme.”

FFS, I don’t understand why you lied about this? Why were you embarrassed?
You have shown that you are NOT a good role model and, based on this, you are definitely NOT suitable to be a mentor!

foggydaysun · 05/12/2022 16:07

Oneruleforone · 05/12/2022 16:05

“I was embarrassed to tell my manager I had registered to join a mentoring scheme.”

FFS, I don’t understand why you lied about this? Why were you embarrassed?
You have shown that you are NOT a good role model and, based on this, you are definitely NOT suitable to be a mentor!

OP has explained she was the mentee. Which, to be honest, seemed pretty obvious from the context.

RunningFromInsanity · 05/12/2022 16:07

Ok, so update as you were the mentee.

’I was in a private meeting, which can be confirmed by XX. I didn’t/don’t want to go into details regarding the content which is why I called it a HR meeting. I apologise for the confusion’

There doesn’t need to be any repercussions for goodness sake.

FleasNavidad · 05/12/2022 16:10

Just say, sorry, it was my first session and I wasn't sure how confidential I was meant to keep it, hence the data protection waffle I came out with. Don't know what came over me and I apologise for not just being straight with you from the start.

Job done. Throwing yourself in with waaaaah, I'm a big fat liar, forgive meeee will just get you in more trouble than you need to be in

Christmasnero · 05/12/2022 16:12

Your manager ‘investigated’ why you were in another meeting that caused you to be 15 minutes late to something else? Rather than believing you, or just asking more questions or you know, literally having anything else to do with her day?

maybe tell your manager that that kind of weird micromanaging and investigating is what put you on edge in the first place and caused you to lie

Really though, say you thought mentoring was under hr
sorry for the confusion
no big deal

KettrickenSmiled · 05/12/2022 16:12

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:01

I was in another meeting with a member of staff a different department. I lied because I was embarrassed to tell my manager I had registered to join a mentoring scheme 🙄

I joined in 2019 and think I will more than likely get fired but I shouldn’t have lied and and planning on telling the truth tomorrow.

My anxiety is at an all time high

Just seen your update about honesty being the best policy OP & you;re right.

You need to tell your manager about your embarrassment & extreme anxiety.
These are mitigating factors, so you need to help her understand what was motivating you.

Also reference the improvements you feel you been making in the last couple of months.

Try not to catastrophise - it's not like you were slacking off on company time - you had a meeting clash, got caught out, felt embarrassed, panicked & told a stupid lie.

Oneruleforone · 05/12/2022 16:12

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 16:04

I’m not the mentor I was the mentee.

Thank you for all the advice but in this instance I think being honest to the max is best.

I am going to start off my apologising and say I lied. I’m sorry for lying and then carrying it on and explain that I understand it was wrong of me and there was no reason to lie.

I’m going to apologise for reflecting bad upon her when she realised I was not where I said and accept that my actions require some sort of repercussions.

I am also going to say it has been bothering me and had me real anxious since telling the lie.

Just seen your update, so my post was wrong, as you are not the Mentor.

Only thing I can say is it is obvious that you aren’t sorry about the fact you lied. You are sorry that your lie wasn’t believed and that you are now going to be reported to HR! Makes you pretty untrustworthy.

GoAgainstNicki · 05/12/2022 16:14

RunningFromInsanity · 05/12/2022 16:07

Ok, so update as you were the mentee.

’I was in a private meeting, which can be confirmed by XX. I didn’t/don’t want to go into details regarding the content which is why I called it a HR meeting. I apologise for the confusion’

There doesn’t need to be any repercussions for goodness sake.

Yeah definitely do this

User359472111111 · 05/12/2022 16:14

pimlicoanna · 05/12/2022 15:07

Just say you thought the mentoring meeting would be classed as an HR thing and leave it at that. Doesn't expand on it. The drama ends there!

This 100%. Also public sector.

DMLady · 05/12/2022 16:15

Good luck, OP — and please tell us how you get on. (Also to all the posters saying how daft it was — we all do daft things sometimes…)

Knors · 05/12/2022 16:16

User359472111111 · 05/12/2022 16:14

This 100%. Also public sector.

Show quote history

Good one.

Mangolist · 05/12/2022 16:18

To be honest this is really baffling me!! If I was in a job where my manager was checking up on every movement I made and I was too nervous to admit I was doing something that would help me in case s/he was cross or whatever, I'd leave. Sounds like a horrendous work place

Mangolist · 05/12/2022 16:18

PhillySub · 05/12/2022 15:35

I would expect at least a written warning at best and a final written warning at worst to remain on record for 2 years at worst.

Blimey!

Oneruleforone · 05/12/2022 16:19

foggydaysun · 05/12/2022 16:07

OP has explained she was the mentee. Which, to be honest, seemed pretty obvious from the context.

Show quote history

The OP replied while I was typing, so did not see her update, before posting.
However, in answer to your reply that it was pretty obvious that she was the mentee, most other posters thought that she was the mentor as well!

TherapistInATabard · 05/12/2022 16:19

RunningFromInsanity · 05/12/2022 16:07

Ok, so update as you were the mentee.

’I was in a private meeting, which can be confirmed by XX. I didn’t/don’t want to go into details regarding the content which is why I called it a HR meeting. I apologise for the confusion’

There doesn’t need to be any repercussions for goodness sake.

Absolutely this. If you must apologise, do not use the word lying!

Original poster
Smile03 · 05/12/2022 16:19

Thank you x

OP posts:
Suzysuz · 05/12/2022 16:22

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 16:04

I’m not the mentor I was the mentee.

Thank you for all the advice but in this instance I think being honest to the max is best.

I am going to start off my apologising and say I lied. I’m sorry for lying and then carrying it on and explain that I understand it was wrong of me and there was no reason to lie.

I’m going to apologise for reflecting bad upon her when she realised I was not where I said and accept that my actions require some sort of repercussions.

I am also going to say it has been bothering me and had me real anxious since telling the lie.

I mean, don't grovel to them.... you haven't done anything wrong with the mentor scheme, civil service love all that and would never penalise for that, you've messed up and made a mistake when explaining why you were late, it doesn't need to be this big drama episode, just say sorry for being mixed up and not being clear, say where you were, job done.
At worst it'll be an informal warning, I doubt HR will make anything if it at all in my experience.