I lied

[Smile03]

Before I get any hate I want to say I know I am in the wrong.

We had a virtual away day booked in for the whole organisation and I had a meeting which overlapped by 15 minutes.

My manager was unaware about the first meeting and I lied and told her it was about HR/ date protection.

She has then investigated this and has been told no I was not in a HR meeting.

I then repeated I was.

My manager has said she will be getting HR advice now.

I am planning on going in and telling the truth tomorrow but want to know can I get fired for this?

I work for this Civil Service

Can you try and dress it up as though it was a HR meeting for you but you were too shy to fess up to the real reason. Try and paint yourself with some sympathy rather than a lying sociopath?

Op, do you have a history of mental illness causing poor decision making. Clearly the lying was unnecessary but to double down on it when caught in the lie is really quite odd and young child like. In addition why have you given up on the program?

do you understand why you’re behaving as you are? Is it out of character or is there some back story?

Hr won’t give this the time of day. I’d be incandescent with rage if I had any middle managers that made junior staff feel like they couldn’t be honest about joining a mentor scheme. You should not stop this at all.

I would not bat an eyelid at someone being 15 mins late to an away day because of overlapping meeting. Reading between the lines either you have become so anxious you’re decision-making is off and you’re catastrophising or your manager is a bit of a bully or both.

@Zitouna well put.

Much as I dislike 'away days' I think you could have rearranged or shortened the previous meeting.

Hope things can get better for you.

Why have you given up on the programme? It sounds like you need it.

I would say that a mentoring meeting was to do with HR - it's the data protection bit that is a bit odd. As your boss I would have asked for it to be rearranged if I thought the virtual all-team meeting was that important as it isn't urgent but it's not the end of the world.

Say your view was that you were attending a personal work meeting that had an HR flavour and you felt it was confidential but the way you explained it to her came out wrong. Apologise for misleading her but as someone else said, just say you were shy about admitting you were doing the mentoring scheme (if she's a decent boss she should tell you that the mentoring scheme is important and you don't need to feel embarrassed about it.

You say she hasn't been there for long so I doubt HR are going to get their knickers in a twist about it. But if you are not in an union, join one!

I was in a professional development meeting with X who can confirm I was there from x time to this time as part of my professional development and mentorship. I was put on an awkward position as I didn’t want to be late but this colleague had given up a lot to reorganise their schedule to help me with the development of certain things in my role. I thought this had been arranged with HR? I’m not sure if it is supposed to be private mentoring or line managers to know etc
really sorry for any confusion I probably didn’t explain it very well.

going forward would you like me to continue with this mentorship or stop going?

OP learn and rehearse this post!! Then get back on that scheme and try and figure out what's causing you to react the way you did so you don't make this mistake again, though having said that some mistakes you only really ever make once as the way you're currently feeling is a lesson learned!

Depending on what the first lie was, it sounds like you’re way overthinking this.

In most jobs people do things a lot worse than this in some cases without even informal warnings. Examples from my workplace:

• lying about reasons for absence
• persistent lateness
• Being rubbish at the job

actually I can think of one person guilty of all three of those and more that never even got a warning. Also public sector.

Surely having a mentor should be part of your professional development? I can’t fathom why you’d need to lie and after you did why not just explain like a normal person to another normal person. What career development was in your last appraisal?

Just say this OP. 100%. Don’t go on about randomly lying, never complain never explain. Much better to be brief than over do it (as you are now learning with the GDPR stuff).

But I agree with others that something else seems to be going on here, strange that you are so embarrassed about the mentoring thing which is a real positive at most companies and would normally be something a manager would encourage and be pleased about. Is this manager a bully?

So instead of saying I've joined a mentoring programme...
You implied you were involved in a safety/security issue with another staff member?

Why? Of all the lies you could have told, why on earth tell one that you manager is really going to want further information on.

Are you embarrassed that you have asked for a mentor?

Change your name to Boris Johnson. Sorted.

OP it feels like you're not taking anything on board, and what is your reasoning behind quitting the mentor programme? It just doesn't make sense and is penalising yourself ultimately.

From a managers point of view they are probably worrying something serious has happened they know nothing about and you have gone straight to hr. Perhaps they are worried you are complaining about them?

@Smile03 FFS you are an HEO, it’s irrelevant that you don’t manage people, you will have leadership objectives. As an HEO you should have asked your mentor if you could cut your meeting short by 15 mins because there was an all team away day which obviously you were expected to be at. You know your mentor would have understood and agreed. You knew the importance of the virtual away day and that should have been your priority.

The facts are you lied twice, it’s the second lie that is really bad as you were given the opportunity to come clean. You need to be 100% truthful and should volunteer the name and contact details of your mentor so your manager can contact them to verify.

FFS again, why drop out of the mentor programme, you need one to help you understand why you fucked up so badly and lied about being in a perfectly acceptable meeting because you didn’t want to cut it short. The CS actively encourages having a mentor and being a mentor. Pulling out wastes your mentors time, why compound your mistake.

No you won’t lose your job,.Yes your relationship with your manager will be impacted. Expect to have your diary queried and ask for evidence of meetings for a while.

Yes I’m being harsh because I sense you are not understanding how to adult.

This is perfect, go with this. Definitely don't start flogging yourself!

Hi OP - based on your extra info, nothing changes from my earlier advice! Management can be a bit more command and control in an ops environment, so I get your manager might be monitoring attendance closely, but your explanation of what happened is perfectly ok. Just to repeat, you definitely won’t get fired! In my experience this wouldn’t merit a formal warning of any kind either, once you have explained.

If you are having any meetings with your manager about it, you’re entitled to bring a colleague with you for support, if it would help. Though again, unless your manager is a bully I think a simple explanation should resolve things easily.

Please don’t give up your mentoring! It’s a great thing to do. I do lots of mentoring for women - I’m sensing a big lack of confidence/assertiveness from your posts, which is really common and a mentor can help with (as well as the anxiety which is different and worth sorting if you can).

For anyone who thinks I am being harsh, the HEO grade in operational roles is typically a second line manager and can be expected to manage teams of 30 +. The OP may not manage anyone now but she can be asked to manage with no quibbling.

^ This sounds reasonable

I am only an HEO due to the way the payscale works.

My job is quiet niche and I will never be asked to line manage anyone.

I have acknowledged I made a mistake and am attempting to rectify them.

Yep. That's so going to go down well. "Well manager, this is all your fault for checking up on me when I was lying, so when you caught me lying I lied to you again. Given that it's your fault for, like, managing, I'm complaining about your conduct in being a manager because a bunch of idiots on the Internet advised me to embellish the lies I already told. Here my latest version of the lie..."

Really that's going to cover you with glory and ensure a long and illustrious civil service career. Or not. Lying to managers tends to lead to them watching you more carefully. Blaming them for your faults tends to find them looking for more faults. Do not give your manager cause to start looking for a reason to dismiss. In my experience, a motivated manager will always find something.

Assuming there is nothing else in the story you haven't told us, then if there is a disciplinary- and you might get away with a telling off - I doubt you'd get dismissed. A warning almost certainly.

An apology is definitely called for. And an expectation that you will be under the microscope for some time to come. But - and this is for you to decide - if I were your manager, I would prefer the entire truth. You sound unsure of yourself, lacking in confidence, wanting something more ( that's why people ask for mentors) but unable to achieve it for some reason; and your mental health sounds to be, if you will forgive me for saying so, not the best? I can't tell you what your manager is like, but if it were me I would prefer the whole and unvarnished truth. That would enable me to see a plan to support you.

Yes, it will leave you vulnerable. But you've already made yourself vulnerable and without any benefit to you. So I'd suggest you have little to lose. And possibly a lot to gain.

I’m a civil servant and head up a department, have a lot of experience. Firstly you will not get sacked. I’d say chances are high nothing will happen other than a verbal discussion that you need to tell the truth. Just explain you were embarrassed to discuss the mentor thing, and offer the mentor’s name to confirm you are telling the truth.

It is a bit odd this manager is checking up like this on her staff. We do not do this in my department, I wouldn’t even think anything of it if someone is late, or doesn’t show up at all. I just trust they are busy doing something else. Perhaps she’s a micro manager, never a good thing in my opinion.

Good luck, be honest and don’t dig yourself into a whole. And stop stressing as you will not be sacked for this. Trust me I’ve sacked 1 person in my 22yrs and to get to that point took 5yrs and an awful lot of work and HR help. There’s not a chance you’d be dismissed for lying when you were receiving mentoring as you were embarrassed. Zero chance.

@Smile03 just email now and say exactly what you just said and ask to speak to them in person first thing. Say you were too embarrassed to say and now you've lied you feel you've betrayed their trust and regret the whole thing. I would be very surprised if you get sacked but you might get a verbal warning. Your Manager can smooth things over with HR.

I’d be incandescent with rage if I had any middle managers that made junior staff feel like they couldn’t be honest about joining a mentor scheme

The irony!

Speak directly to HR, tell them about the mentoring and explain that you wanted to keep it quiet. Did you explain this to her at when she initially realised you’d lied?

The fact that she’s making such a big fuss about it may actually end up reflecting badly on her.

Oh and make sure you’re truthful in the future.