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Original poster

I lied

289 replies

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 13:54

Before I get any hate I want to say I know I am in the wrong.

We had a virtual away day booked in for the whole organisation and I had a meeting which overlapped by 15 minutes.

My manager was unaware about the first meeting and I lied and told her it was about HR/ date protection.

She has then investigated this and has been told no I was not in a HR meeting.

I then repeated I was.

My manager has said she will be getting HR advice now.

I am planning on going in and telling the truth tomorrow but want to know can I get fired for this?

I work for this Civil Service

OP posts:
TBOM · 05/12/2022 15:12

Just say that it was mentoring, which you perceive to be an HR thing, and the data protection was about not disclosing who you're mentoring or the fact that you're mentoring because the mentee has a right to privacy. The latter is a bit of a stretch, but the worst that will happen is they will think you're a bit dim in your understanding of data protection. Problem solved.

Original poster
Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:12

She checked on the whole team not just me.

OP posts:
carefulcalculator · 05/12/2022 15:13

Just be completely honest tomorrow. Do you have an anxiety diagnosis as you mentioned anxiety?

NicLondon1 · 05/12/2022 15:13

If I were you, I wouldn't wait until tomorrow to come clean. I would now be proactive and send an email, right NOW, just apologising and explaining the whole situation.
"I am so sorry, I got caught on the back foot yesterday and didn't immediately tell the truth. I've been so happy working in my x department, but wanted to learn more about the Y department so have begun a mentoring scheme there. The meeting was my first with my mentor xxx.
I really hope this mistake doesn't affect my standing as I find the Civil Service a hugely rewarding and enjoyable place to work, I wouldn't want to jeopardise my position. "
Or some such.
And copy HR in if they are already involved.

HappyHamsters · 05/12/2022 15:13

Thats a pretty big lie because surely your manager would have been aware of any HR issue invoving another member of staff and when she investigated it and made you aware it was not true you lied again. Do you think Its disrespectful to your manager and to implicate someone else was wrong. Whats your relationship with your manager usually like, does joining a mentoring scheme usually get discussed with them. Perhaps your manager feels undermined.

Original poster
Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:14

Thank you all for your replies.

She is a fairly new manager maybe 2/3 months and we didn’t see eye to eye previously but have started to improve which is why I just want to cry because i’ve created a crappy work environment with this lie

OP posts:
MrsJackRackham · 05/12/2022 15:14

You won't get sacked. That's a definite. There's a lot of hoops to jump through plus a decision maker before anyone gets sacked. You may get put on a pip for behaviour reasons.
If I was your manager I'd be wondering why you couldn't come to me about it as mentoring is massively encouraged for progression etc.

Tillylime · 05/12/2022 15:15

I confessed to my manager that I’d been very rude to a senior staff member at break.
His reply was don’t worry it’s easier to get rid of a verruca than a member of staff here.
That was the NHS and I think the civil service is similar.
And the senior staff member deserved it.

Quveas · 05/12/2022 15:15

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:12

She checked on the whole team not just me.

This is like pulling teeth. Why would she check the whole team? You must have a clue. Something skat is going on here. Nobody checks a whole team for no reason.

Fernleigh22 · 05/12/2022 15:16

You will not get sacked.
If I was you, I would call HR and explain the situation. They may give you the alibi given the reason you've lied

Original poster
Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:16

She said she would be seeking HR advice so they aren’t involved yet I don’t think. We are meeting face to face tomorrow I think it would be more appropriate to apologise then as the remorse will feel all the more. Plus I deserve warning if it’s coming as I did lie

OP posts:
Outfor150 · 05/12/2022 15:17

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:12

She checked on the whole team not just me.

Is it to see if people were attending, not just skiving off? A virtual away day sounds like a huge waste of time and money to me. I’m in the private sector and I have never heard of such a thing. What was it about? I suppose the managers have to do some sort of cost-benefit analysis maybe to see if it’s worth it.

Quveas · 05/12/2022 15:17

What is a skat? My word should have been else. Damned auto correct

Blubell1981 · 05/12/2022 15:18

I would be really shocked if you got fired. Lying about a meeting isn't gross misconduct. Just explain why you lied, but you didn't need to be embarrassed.

How neurotic is your boss??

Mine wouldn't say anything unless I didn't turn up at all.

Please try not of worry, you're going to admit why you lied. Not like you were having a crafty smoke etc and that's why you were late. I don't think anything will come of it other than a slap on the wrist.

Hope you get on ok.

Quveas · 05/12/2022 15:18

Fernleigh22 · 05/12/2022 15:16

You will not get sacked.
If I was you, I would call HR and explain the situation. They may give you the alibi given the reason you've lied

Do not phone HR! They will not lie for you, and they are on the employers side, not yours.

Outfor150 · 05/12/2022 15:19

I think you could maybe just about swing a mentoring meeting as counting as HR, even if not organised by them.

Tirrrrred · 05/12/2022 15:19

Don't you have online calendars? Don't you need to make your manager aware of where you are and what you're doing?

Knors · 05/12/2022 15:19

Just explain exactly as you have here. there's no way they'd sack you for something so silly. Good luck x

Autumnnewname · 05/12/2022 15:22

Fernleigh22 · 05/12/2022 15:16

You will not get sacked.
If I was you, I would call HR and explain the situation. They may give you the alibi given the reason you've lied

Please OP don't do this. It would make it worse

Just come clean - although given there's a time element to mentoring, surely you need your manager's ok first

longleggitybeastie · 05/12/2022 15:27

I think your anxiety is getting the better of you here and I agree with pimlicoanna and others about hr/professional development confusion! Probably need to get to the bottom of why you felt uncomfortable in saying it though, are you worried mentoring is seen as a weakness? It's not! Perhaps bring it up with your mentor?

MrsPaddyGrant · 05/12/2022 15:28

I really doubt you will get fired for this - but you may get a warning. There's nothing to be embarassed about having a mentor. Why don't you take the initiative and just tell your manager the truth? Better to take control of the situation rather than waiting for your manager to invite you to a formal meeting.

minou123 · 05/12/2022 15:29

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 15:16

She said she would be seeking HR advice so they aren’t involved yet I don’t think. We are meeting face to face tomorrow I think it would be more appropriate to apologise then as the remorse will feel all the more. Plus I deserve warning if it’s coming as I did lie

I think that's the best thing to do.

I'm a Civil Servant and I don't think you'll get a warning. Definitely not sacked either.

BUT, your lie hasn't helped your working relationship with your manager.

I suspect your manager just won't believe you in the future. So be prepared that your work, time etc will be checked because she can't trust you to tell the truth.

Just out of interest, why did you lie about something like this?
I've been late to meetings for much worse reasons than you.
"Sorry I'm late I needed the loo"
"Sorry I'm late, my cat has just vomited everywhere"
"Sorry I'm late, I completely forgot about this meeting"

Everytime, the response has been laughter or nevermind you're here now etc.
There is no reason to lie.

Lottieloo123 · 05/12/2022 15:31

You need to have done gross misconduct to face summary dismissal. This case is no where near that

Mentoring, would be a hr led initiative. Just say exactly what the meeting, apologise if she misunderstood you, apologise for leaving early and for calendar confusion and confirm it was work related.

knowing the details, hr wouldn’t be too interested. Highest sanction could a verbal warning if you said confusing…

your manger sounds a micro manager that needs a little bit more real work to do… unless there was something urgent to be discussed and why did they need to check on full team? did everyone do runners?

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 05/12/2022 15:34

I'd say that I don't understand the issue - it was mentoring which is HR, why is <your boss> so concerned about it? Oh, really? I thought mentoring falls under HR.

Blink a few times and say that now you know you'll use the correct words

I don't think this is a big deal. Good luck with it.

PhillySub · 05/12/2022 15:35

I would expect at least a written warning at best and a final written warning at worst to remain on record for 2 years at worst.

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