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Original poster

I lied

289 replies

Smile03 · 05/12/2022 13:54

Before I get any hate I want to say I know I am in the wrong.

We had a virtual away day booked in for the whole organisation and I had a meeting which overlapped by 15 minutes.

My manager was unaware about the first meeting and I lied and told her it was about HR/ date protection.

She has then investigated this and has been told no I was not in a HR meeting.

I then repeated I was.

My manager has said she will be getting HR advice now.

I am planning on going in and telling the truth tomorrow but want to know can I get fired for this?

I work for this Civil Service

OP posts:
wickedstepmothfker · 06/12/2022 20:10

RishisProudMum · 05/12/2022 15:05

This may genuinely be the silliest thing I’ve ever read.

Show quote history

I thought the same - wtf am I reading.

Pipsquiggle · 06/12/2022 20:13

Well done OP.

I hope she turns out to be a great manager who you can trust and will develop you

daisychain01 · 06/12/2022 20:34

Yesnoormaybe · 05/12/2022 15:08

Civil Service, you will probably be promoted

That's bloody insulting to the 200,000+ Civil Servants who do a great job and don't lie, because they follow the CS Code of Conduct and take it seriously.

OP I am like others utterly confused as to why you needed to lie about and feel embarrassed about joining a Mentoring scheme. Civil Servants across all government departments are encouraged to mentor and be mentored. It's an important part of the culture.

what you've said doesn't make sense really.

Blinky21 · 06/12/2022 21:04

I worked in the CS for a decade, I never came across a manager, nor did I as a manager, ever investigate what meeting someone was at. That's not the usual culture. Did your boss have a reason not to believe you

Rainallnight · 06/12/2022 21:10

Blinky21 · 06/12/2022 21:04

I worked in the CS for a decade, I never came across a manager, nor did I as a manager, ever investigate what meeting someone was at. That's not the usual culture. Did your boss have a reason not to believe you

This is my question, which OP has avoided

karenjkayjay · 06/12/2022 21:15

I’m so glad you got it sorted out xx

Emberino · 06/12/2022 21:25

What’s the point of a virtual away day?

Readaboutyourself · 06/12/2022 21:37

Smile03 · 06/12/2022 11:56

UPDATE

I spoke to her and she was amazing!

I told her I lied and apologised and to my surprise she said thank you for telling the truth and we had a really good chat about other things going on in the background and general work.

THANK YOU ALL

Glad to hear it.

I think you could benefit from some counselling. Not being able to communicate and the reflex of lying sounds like some kind of trauma response.

Yerroblemom1923 · 06/12/2022 21:40

Did you miss the whole "virtual away day"? Or just turn up 15 mins late? Surely these aren't compulsory anyway?

Yesnoormaybe · 06/12/2022 21:48

daisychain01 · 06/12/2022 20:34

That's bloody insulting to the 200,000+ Civil Servants who do a great job and don't lie, because they follow the CS Code of Conduct and take it seriously.

OP I am like others utterly confused as to why you needed to lie about and feel embarrassed about joining a Mentoring scheme. Civil Servants across all government departments are encouraged to mentor and be mentored. It's an important part of the culture.

what you've said doesn't make sense really.

Show quote history

Yeah like all civil servants work hard and get paid with a great pension. Dont insult me for my opinion

Thedoglovesmemore · 06/12/2022 22:01

FleasNavidad · 05/12/2022 16:10

Just say, sorry, it was my first session and I wasn't sure how confidential I was meant to keep it, hence the data protection waffle I came out with. Don't know what came over me and I apologise for not just being straight with you from the start.

Job done. Throwing yourself in with waaaaah, I'm a big fat liar, forgive meeee will just get you in more trouble than you need to be in

Agree with this approach

Backtoblack1 · 06/12/2022 22:09

TallulahBetty · 05/12/2022 14:52

Crumb of context for the poor, m'lud?

🤣🤣🤣

JamSandwichWithNutella · 06/12/2022 22:27

Totally not surprised that happened. Have you never worked in the public sector before? It’s virtually impossible to sack anyone! I once told the most ridiculous lie that I just couldn’t get out of once I’d said it, believe me when I say it was a real whopper. It was all because I didn’t want to lead on a team meeting. I still get the sweats thinking about it sometimes.

hellokitties · 06/12/2022 22:54

I suffer from anxiety and can understand how this could turn into a big worry.

I just don't get what a virtual
away day is Grin

Stanex · 06/12/2022 22:57

No one ever gets fired in the civil service.

LoisLane66 · 07/12/2022 02:32

You lied twice and work in a department which relies on truth (court system)
I wouldn't trust you.

daisychain01 · 07/12/2022 04:11

Yesnoormaybe · 06/12/2022 21:48

Yeah like all civil servants work hard and get paid with a great pension. Dont insult me for my opinion

Show quote history

That it - you've stated something as fact that isn't true, it's an "opinion".

and I didn't say "all", I'm not that daft.

BookishKitten · 07/12/2022 06:29

I’m glad the issue is sorted but can I just recommend that you join a Union so you get proper advice on managing this type of issue and on getting a Union rep sitting in on meetings with you? This isn’t meant to be confrontational but it’s important to have an independent witness on such cases and they know regs and the law so they will offer good advice. If you’re in the wrong they won’t sugar coat it but will do their best to defend your interests.
I’ve been a union member since I joined my organisation 10+ years ago and at times thought it was a waste of money but then… a manager from hell landed, morale dipped and even though I wasn’t being singled out it just broke a lot of people and they started leaving. Another colleague got the Union involved in their case and it turned out that a bullying pattern of behaviour emerged and we learned that they had done this in another department with the same organisation….They’re gone now, and things are far better.
you shouldn’t have lied but I can understand why you did that, women are more prone to this out of fear they will be judged for these mentorships. Just examine why your default response is to lie (since it’s happened before), maybe get some counselling or coaching sessions to talk things through with an expert.

Rainallnight · 07/12/2022 07:56

BookishKitten · 07/12/2022 06:29

I’m glad the issue is sorted but can I just recommend that you join a Union so you get proper advice on managing this type of issue and on getting a Union rep sitting in on meetings with you? This isn’t meant to be confrontational but it’s important to have an independent witness on such cases and they know regs and the law so they will offer good advice. If you’re in the wrong they won’t sugar coat it but will do their best to defend your interests.
I’ve been a union member since I joined my organisation 10+ years ago and at times thought it was a waste of money but then… a manager from hell landed, morale dipped and even though I wasn’t being singled out it just broke a lot of people and they started leaving. Another colleague got the Union involved in their case and it turned out that a bullying pattern of behaviour emerged and we learned that they had done this in another department with the same organisation….They’re gone now, and things are far better.
you shouldn’t have lied but I can understand why you did that, women are more prone to this out of fear they will be judged for these mentorships. Just examine why your default response is to lie (since it’s happened before), maybe get some counselling or coaching sessions to talk things through with an expert.

She really shouldn’t go into this sort of meeting with a union rep. Sends a terrible message. She showed bad judgement, lied and has now put it right. That’s a good outcome.

BookishKitten · 07/12/2022 09:07

Rainallnight · 07/12/2022 07:56

She really shouldn’t go into this sort of meeting with a union rep. Sends a terrible message. She showed bad judgement, lied and has now put it right. That’s a good outcome.

Show quote history

That’s where you and I disagree. She should be getting advice from people who are qualified and not from mumsnet about something so serious. And even in the wrong she should still have someone there who can offer independent advice and serve as a witness. It’s not confrontational at all.

SmartWatch · 07/12/2022 09:15

TBOM · 05/12/2022 15:12

Just say that it was mentoring, which you perceive to be an HR thing, and the data protection was about not disclosing who you're mentoring or the fact that you're mentoring because the mentee has a right to privacy. The latter is a bit of a stretch, but the worst that will happen is they will think you're a bit dim in your understanding of data protection. Problem solved.

This, surely?

Just say you consider mentoring HR related.

SmartWatch · 07/12/2022 09:17

Oh, see it's sorted. Btw wtf is a virtual away day? That's a staying at home day surely? 😄😄

Dixiechickonhols · 07/12/2022 10:53

SmartWatch · 07/12/2022 09:17

Oh, see it's sorted. Btw wtf is a virtual away day? That's a staying at home day surely? 😄😄

I’m imagining team building/getting to know you type exercises but virtual.

Sewwhatmrmagpie · 07/12/2022 18:10

I am a manager in the civil service. I find this kind of stuff a bit baffling - there was no need for you to lie at all.

I'd be pleased to get an apology from you, I wouldn't take it any further than having a conversation with you about it. I'd mostly want to know why you felt you couldn't tell the truth, I'd not be taking advice from HR, I think that's an overreaction.

However, I probably wouldn't forget it in a hurry - I think that's your main problem, it makes it harder to build a good relationship with your manager.

Yerroblemom1923 · 07/12/2022 18:33

Surely if it's just a cringey "team building" exercise, it's really no biggie, a virtual one at that so not even real world stuff. I'd chill if I were you. I dont think you've made any major faux pas here. I'm guessing many of your colleagues came up with elaborate excuses to serve it as a day off too.