Does anyone manage someone with autism? Looking for advice.

[MadameFantabulosa]

I manage someone who says they are “probably” autistic, but no formal diagnosis. They are quite quirky, bright and good at their job, but absolutely do not “get” social cues. For example they will drone on for hours about a niche subject that is only of interest to them, and don’t get that people are bored. They don’t have “two way conversations” - it’s a monologue, so the other person can’t get a word in edgewise and they never ask questions to get a two way flow. At social functions (we go to a lot of social functions, some quite formal), they don’t interact with other people, and don’t seem to understand when the event is over and they have to leave - eg pouring more drinks when everyone else has gone.

This behaviour will almost certainly hold them back in their career. But how to approach it? Via OH or HR? I don’t feel equipped for the conversation.

And try and ignore all the stuff people say about not trying to fit them into an idea of normality.

Supporting someone to communicate effectively for their employ,ent isn't the same as trying to change them as a person.

One of the things we do with my ds is teach him about reading then the conversation initiator has finished the conversation they've initiated before turning it round to his interests.

So for example someone will ask him a question. If it's if a topic he's not interested in or he couldn't give a shit either way what they decide he'll give a half arsed recognition they've spoken to him and then begin his conversation at with them about his interest.

We've taught him that he may not feel what they are saying is of any interest or consequence to him but the fact they are asking him means they need an answer or want his input.
And that he has to make some effort to engage in others conversations if he wants them to engage in his.

We've also spent a lot of time looking at conversations and the difference between opinion and fact. And how people will take facts and statistics to present their own opinion to you. And - again - how then respect of differing opinions has to go both ways.

We have used a lot of conversation cue cards.
So for example if you want them to get Joan to give information he can relate to you then give something to make sure that information is recorded - Eg a printed sheet where they need to record the information. And if you want to prevent them disappearing for 60 minutes on a 6 minute request give a clear deadline of timescale.

It's more about supporting the skills required to prove they can do the job. The other stuff (such as monologues people will have to get use to and to be fair they'll probably be a group of professionals in another part of the room avoiding them for reasons of their personality - that's human nature).

The biggest thing my ds has struggled to get over and I'm still struggling with is that when someone asks him what he's doing he won't just answer - he'll go into a long explanation about why. It's because he's automatic response to being questioned is to think he's doing something wrong. So another thing you can help with is reassuring your employee what they are doing is right when they are doing it right.

Perhaps if they need to ask people like Joan questions you can encourage it to be done via email? Then they can't go off on a tangent?! I've learnt to text my ds when I just need a 1 word answer 😉🤣🤣

@SausagePourHomme

people on here are talking about people with ASD as though they are toddlers

It's rife on MN.

Autism bashing is the new sport on here. We're not even safe on our own designated board

[quote Rewritethestars1]@Clarice99 are you autistic can I ask[/quote]
Why do you want to know?

Why will their behaviour hold them back in their career path?
Have we not moved on from autism awareness to autism acceptance?
Seemingly not.
Let her be her.
She doesn't need to conform to the rules that neurotypical people made up.
What's actually really so wrong with pouring a drink after people are gone, she obviously wants one. She sounds like she couldn't care less that she is it following others like a sheep because it's the "done thing"
Why not accept that she is doing things differently to you, why should she change

Why are people shouting ableist and comparing to someone in a wheelchair?

The equality act says reasonable adjustments,ents should be made and state there are conditions on this.

You wouldn't shout ableist at someone who said they had a double amputee wanting to come and work for them modelling shoes and suggest they find a way around that. Growing feet is not a reasonable adjustment!

There are always going to be employments where your disability or even height, hearing or sight affect your ability to do the role - and if these actually CANNOT be overcome then there is no reasonable adjust,ent that can be made.

The same was as this company have employed this person. But if they don't have the right communication skills to get promoted due to how they communicate then that's not discrimination. What is actually discrimination is not affording them the same opportunities to get promoted - the one thing the OP is trying to avoid.

@Clarice99 people are not autism bashing here. Your making this thread argumentative and so is the other poster. Most autistic people on here have been fine with it. OK your not but you don't speak for us all. People are allowed to ask for advice about disability. Its what we want isn't it, so we can spread awareness and create a more accessible world. Fighting it and turning every comment into an argument is not helping

[quote Rewritethestars1]@Clarice99 people are not autism bashing here. Your making this thread argumentative and so is the other poster. Most autistic people on here have been fine with it. OK your not but you don't speak for us all. People are allowed to ask for advice about disability. Its what we want isn't it, so we can spread awareness and create a more accessible world. Fighting it and turning every comment into an argument is not helping[/quote]
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

@Clarice99 I see you have answered that you are further up. I wanted to know because its important that people who are not autistic are not speaking for us.

I never said I was speaking for everyone.

And I’m a person in my own right not just that “other poster”

[quote Rewritethestars1]@Clarice99 are you autistic can I ask[/quote]
Fucking hell

Reported this thread and i hope it goes.

You wouldn't talk about any other disability this way.

@SausagePourHomme give it a rest will you. I answer the other poster why I asked. Stop trying to be argumentative

@Clarice99 the networking thing is not “in my opinion”. As I’ve explained, it’s a fundamental part of the job. If you can’t do it, you’re not going to progress. It’s our bread and butter. It would be like employing an auditor who couldn’t work with numbers, or a PA who couldn’t use outlook or an online diary. It really is that fundamental.

@SausagePourHomme how are people supposed to learn about autism or any disability so we can make the world more equal if they are not allowed to ask.

[quote Rewritethestars1]@SausagePourHomme how are people supposed to learn about autism or any disability so we can make the world more equal if they are not allowed to ask.[/quote]
There’s a way to ask without being nasty about the autistic person.

That would help.

@AchillesPoirot no one has bern nasty. They have stated facts that is all.

The op was nasty about the person with autism.

@Rewritethestars1

You may think this thread is sympathetic and understanding to people with autism. I do not. I view it as judgemental and ableist. I see from other posts that I am not alone.

OK your not but you don't speak for us all.

I am not speaking for everyone with autism, nor have I even hinted at that, so I'm not sure why you feel the need to point the above out.

I am allowed to have an opinion and if my opinion doesn't correspond with the OP's, yours and other members, that's too bad.

@MadameFantabulosa don't worry some people just gave a vendetta for some reason. We don't all think or feel the same. Its fine. Any mention of the word autism on a thread and people seem to lose their shit. Maybe see if you can read about communication in autism as a first step.

I don't see why you're getting so much abuse, you clearly want to help this employee progress but she can't at present. I suggest you sit down and have an informal chat to her and try to assist in getting her an official diagnosis and that way you can then provide the best assistance to her
I think you sound a very caring manager actually. Had you removed the possible reference to autism, albeit the employees description, you might have got a better response?

Not that you should have had to remove it btw!!

@AchillesPoirot

The op was nasty about the person with autism.

If this person is yakking half the day away and distracting other people with their monologues, that’s a work issue, autism or no autism. OP as a manager has every right to speak to them if something they are doing is interfering with work.

@AchillesPoirot I wasn’t nasty about them. I just explained what the problems were with how they interact with people and being oblivious to social cues. If I was nasty, I wouldn’t want to bother with them, and help them with their career, would I? I’d just tick the “not fitted for promotion” box and leave the next manager to manage them out.

I am autistic, diagnosed in my late 30s. I don't think the OP has said anything amiss. She's asking difficult questions because she can foresee a problem that she wants to head off at the pass, and she is asking for help in approaching this so that her colleague CAN progress in a career they seem happy in.

I myself was " managed out" and passed over for promotion so many times. I wish my managers had cared enough to ask questions.

[quote Rewritethestars1]@MadameFantabulosa don't worry some people just gave a vendetta for some reason. We don't all think or feel the same. Its fine. Any mention of the word autism on a thread and people seem to lose their shit. Maybe see if you can read about communication in autism as a first step.[/quote]
What vendetta? I don’t think I’ve ever posted on a thread with the op before.