Opinions on women who've never worked?

[mangomcjango]

Name changed to avoid being flamed for whatever reason .

What is your opinion about someone who's never worked - by choice or by situation? For example, someone who went to university full time, got pregnant, became a SAHM and then went into early retirement.

Does your opinion change based on things like disability - i.e. if this person has a disability like autism, or a demand avoidant condition that makes it hard for them to work? Or is it all just laziness?

Cheers!

A good friend of mine with whom I went to school went on to get a PhD in female fertility but married shortly afterwards. She has two DC and has never worked outside the home. She has no plans to work; her DH owns and runs a hugely successful software company.

No respect for women who keep having kids so that when one of them is 5 and the jobcentre is trying to put them back to work then they get pregnant again so that they don’t have to wirk, and I’m not talking about women that can’t work due to many reasons, I’m talking about women that are just dole scrounges and have never had a job ever or since they were right out of a school and before kids.

Many people just don’t want to work which may he unbelievable to some of you professional types but it’s true! This is why so many are on benefits.

I’ve been on benefits but worked and paid tax most of my life and whilst it’s great not working for the first 2 weeks, lying in bed til afternoon, watching tv all day blah blah blah but it gets really ducking boring after about 2 weeks and let’s not forget your always skint! But so many lie and get PIP and some I know get £800-£1000 a month and that’s not including their paid rent! My mate has had mental health issues and apparently can’t work coz of it yet she can go to college no problem, how is going to college that different from working?! She gets over £1000 a month and then her rent paid on top! How unfair is that? Her MH issues are self inflicted due to drug abuse as well, not right at all!

Plus so called friend was telling me how to get high rate ESA and PIP all because I was depressed! I told her that it feels good paying your own way in life and that it elevates your self esteem, but people like her would never get that as she not had a normal job since 2001!!

@SleepingStandingUp I hope to make the best of what I can with what I have. Hope you and the babies are in good health, try not to do too much sleeping standing up x

@remainin Is she satisfied? Does she wish she went into a career relating to female fertility or is she enjoying her home life more?
Sorry if you have no idea, just curious

@Inappropriatefemale I wish I had a genuine drive to work or have a specific career path, think it might make things a little easier

@Inappropriatefemale TBF tho, I do see work and study as being very different things. One is kind of a voluntary pursuit of knowledge where you can dip out if you want to, and the other is where people actually have solid expectations and requirements of you. This might just be the old autism, in my case though.

Being a sath is work though, just really hard and poorly paid!

@WinWinnieTheWay and seemingly rarely appreciated enough tbh hahaha

I’ve been a SAHM

I’ve been in the workplace

SAHM is work, but it isn’t work work. Think there is a culture of making it into more than it actually is to justify a position. You can sit down when you want, nobody is hanging over your shoulder expecting performance, play dates and toddler group is not work. It just isn’t

@AnAchos If you don't see being a SAHM then fair enough, your prerogative Just wondering how you feel about women who've never worked at all then? x

My mother didn't go to work from the day she married at 22 until she died at 86; she thought it was normal and correct. She and my dad were married 18.5 years until I came onto the scene, living in a small flat (they moved to a small house when I was 15 months old), so she was hardly stretched.

When I think of that, I find it very odd indeed. However I don't generally go around thinking about how others choose to live their lives, each to their own.

@jessstan2 Do you think she would have lived a different life / had different expectations if she had experienced her younger days in this era? Aka, do you think she was systemically set up to believe that was the only way of life, or was it her true preference to her core?

Good on them.

[quote mangomcjango]@jessstan2 Do you think she would have lived a different life / had different expectations if she had experienced her younger days in this era? Aka, do you think she was systemically set up to believe that was the only way of life, or was it her true preference to her core?[/quote]
It was a different era, her sisters and sisters in law also didn't work but they had more children and were not chlldless for so many years as my mother was. She had a very narrow life but couldn't imagine any other way; was quite smug about not having to go to work.

Op my mate is not autistic and actually suffers from anxiety which is apparently worse around new people and you meet people at college so sorry but I don’t see the difference, college was Full time as would work be so that’s a BS excuse.

She also doesn’t want to go back to college without me (we met there) but she didn’t know she was gonna meet me when she applied and now that I’m not going back to college, then neither is she! All coz I’m not! She is 45 years old ffs, she is very needy and me and needy people don’t gel because I’m very un needy.

The level of abilism on the thread is shocking. The OP states she had a disability and then various posters ask her to justify the validity of her disability, that's just not how it works. Accept on face value, if you are really curious, do some research, ask questions respectfully.

Yes I can see that doing one thing would be more manageable then working and rearing children. Good to look after yourself and give yourself breathers while child rearing. Sleep patterns and time without children

I think if someone is supported by their partner and not claiming benefits then I wouldn’t judge as I don’t see how it affects anyone, if someone was long term unemployed for no good reason and relying on benefits I definitely would judge.

OP tbh in your case, I think you’re probably underestimating how hard it will be on your condition to have children and how it will affect them. If your mental health is so poor you can’t even manage a part time job, I really don’t see how you’re going to manage being a full time parent, and even if you do manage it what effect will your severe anxiety and demand avoidance have on your child?

I think if you’re set on having children the best way to prepare would be to go and get a job and see how you cope with that first, as others have said, raising a child is a lot more demanding and stressful than a part time job in the vast majority of cases. You seem to be very sure that you can’t cope with a job considering (I presume) you’ve never had one, and very sure that you would be able to raise a child well despite admitting to severe mental health problems, and I can’t really see how the two fit together unless someone is looking for reasons to avoid work?

There will always be people who don’t understand autism or don’t believe in it or aren’t compassionate enough. There are also many people who do understand, who do get it and who feel compassionate. Don’t give priority to what people think as what really matters is your own thoughts

If you’re going to work look for a low pressure low anxiety job

Just a thought, if you're thinking about having children, might it be worth babysitting a few times to see how you cope with caring for a child? Caveat: caring for your own child is not the same, but this might give you some insight into what support you might need if you had your own?