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Being bullied working from home

375 replies

Ceriane · 30/07/2020 02:47

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

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Ceriane · 18/10/2020 13:27

Thank you.

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Porridgeoat · 19/10/2020 21:07

How are you managing? I hope it’s been ok

EggysMom · 19/10/2020 21:18

You have my every sympathy. I was facing similar micro-managing behaviour in the workplace in my old role, from newer managers who had been there far less time than my ten years in the team. The best thing I did was to wise up and get myself a different role away from the control freaks - I started it about four weeks before lockdown started. The micro-managing would have reached a new pinnacle during lockdown and I was out of it Grin My new team are absolutely wonderful and treat each other like adults.

Ceriane · 19/10/2020 22:17

Thank you. It’s been better since she’s not allowed to keep ringing me. She still e-mailed me to ask how far I’d got with several work tasks. She genuinely seems to think I should constantly update her throughout the day! I have another appointment with HR on weds, and I would like to move teams, as I want to stay with the company. I just hope this is possible. She is clearly trying to push me out of the door. Which really concerns me.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/10/2020 22:44

I read your OP back when you first posted it, @Ceriane, and was utterly horrified by what you are going through. When I saw the thread had come up again, I really hoped it was because things had been sorted out for you, and I am so sorry to see that they haven’t.

I wish there was something I could do or say to help, but I really don’t know much about management - although I used to work in the NHS, and I definitely felt it could be great if your face fitted, but if it didn’t, your life was made a misery.

I was bullied at school, and it has caused me life long mental health issues, so I can empathise with how you are feeling. I’m sending you the biggest hug.

justilou1 · 20/10/2020 02:04

Oh good grief! I do hope you answered with an out of office reply.

LilyLongJohn · 20/10/2020 08:10

I'd olay the 'constructive dismissal' card (I think that's what it's called), where your working environment is so hostile you feel you have no other choice but to resign. Companies have been sued for less. Just tell hr that you need to move teams or you'll be forced to resign as you can't tolerate her bullying behaviour any longer.

She seems to have stopped ringing you but now simply uses another medium to bully you with, ie email.

Motherlandismylife · 20/10/2020 09:15

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

Motherlandismylife · 20/10/2020 09:16

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

DeliciouslyFemale · 20/10/2020 10:34

She seems to have stopped ringing you but now simply uses another medium to bully you with, ie email.

This. You need to contact the people dealing with the grievance and tell them what she’s doing. I guarantee they’ll pull her up and ask her what the hell she’s playing at. They will view the emails in the same way as the phone calls.

katmarie · 20/10/2020 10:50

Keep every email she sends, and everything you send in reply.

Do you have a copy of the grievance process? Are your HR following it?

If you don't have union support, but feel you need advice, check your house insurance, mine provides legal cover for employment issues. You might be able to access legal advice that way.

Porridgeoat · 20/10/2020 16:45

Fingers crossed for Wednesday. Tell them that her management style is tipping you over the edge and you only have two choices, move teams or look for other work.

Ceriane · 20/10/2020 22:00

Thank you all so much for your support. I get what you mean about playing the game, as I try to do that as much as I can. This situation is just so difficult! Sending you all the biggest hugs!!!

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justilou1 · 20/10/2020 22:59

We are very proud of you!

Ceriane · 20/10/2020 23:01

Aah thank you 😊 I just hope I don’t go to pieces in my HR meeting tomorrow. I need to make sure I come across well and have my facts straight!

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justilou1 · 21/10/2020 05:13

You should have more than enough evidence to show that she hasn’t been able to help herself stop contacting you for unnecessary reasons. She’s bloody insane.

OldBean2 · 21/10/2020 05:53

OP, pls speak to your FtSU Guardian, this is just the situation that they were created for. You do not have to exhausted your journey with HR to do this.

This is bullying and harassment, once they are on the case it will usually light a rocket under HR and management.

bonjonbovi · 21/10/2020 16:54

Hope HR went well today @Ceriane

Ceriane · 21/10/2020 19:27

Thank you. I’m trying so hard but just feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

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AHobbyaweek · 21/10/2020 20:23

What happened at the meeting?

Ceriane · 21/10/2020 20:52

I asked if I could move teams, and they said that they very rarely do that in my company, unless you go through the channels of applying for another department...so it looks like I’m stuck with until I can find another job.

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katmarie · 21/10/2020 21:54

Rarely doesn't mean never. And this may be the rare occasion where it is necessary and right. I would put in writing that I was requesting a move to another team as a resolution to the issues raised and ask them to formally explain why that was not an option. More evidence for you if you need to take it further.

Porridgeoat · 21/10/2020 22:49

Could you ask them what they plan to do to remedy the situation if they are inflexible around moving departments?

Winederlust · 22/10/2020 11:52

OP, I could have written a lot of this about 2 years ago!
I think my LM singled me out because I can be quite shy and she saw it as a weakness, but little did she know I also don't take any shit, and despite how much she knocked my confidence and made me ill, I stood my ground. I complained to her manager who suggested mediation (didn't really make much difference in my case but worth looking into if it's available to you?). Eventually I managed to get another role so didn't see first hand the outcome, but a year later I was invited to an interview in relation to a grievance investigation into her (i believe this was instigated by her manager), and I understand she has now been relinquished of any line management duties.
Talking to others I discovered that I was not the first person she had been like this with, but because I stood up to her and took action hopefully nobody else will have to become a victim of her.
I've been in my new role for about 18 months now and it's only just now i feel my confidence is returning.
I suppose what I am trying to say is you have to be strong and stand up to her, both for yourself and those who may come after you.

Ceriane · 22/10/2020 18:08

Wow! Again I think I’ve been targeted for similar reasons, however I think because of her last job she has come in all guns blazing and just thinks that’s how you have to be. She has been spoken to by someone in HR re management style and asked to tone it down, I think I’m more bothered about just being able to do my job in peace and I’m really worried that I’m going to end up on capability. She however seems to have backed off quite a lot recently. I don’t think she realised how strong and resilient I actually am and that I do stand up for myself, all the time.

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