Being bullied working from home

[Ceriane]

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

@Ceriane

Thank you. I think when I talk to her I end up just thinking about the mistakes I’ve made...but I’m human. Then I remember all the ridiculous things she has said and done and the things she classes as mistakes for example if we get bounce backs from an email we have sent to 500 plus people she blames me for not checking every email address was spelled correctly (even though it could be that they no longer use that email address etc) and she will ring or email to query what I’m working on (as though if it’s not visibly productive she thinks you’re skiving when you could actually be thinking how to complete tasks or prioritise them before starting them) she will then go into whichever spreadsheet on the shared drive I am working on, and follow me round all the cells deliberately trying to make her prescience felt, this causes me to occasionally freeze and be unable to think and then she will ring the second she sees a genuine or perceived mistake “you went to type this and not that and don’t say you didn’t cos I’ve just seen you do it”

There has been times where in response to this I have typed in the cell next to where she is “Hi NAME, I’m just working on these ones, I see little point in us doing the same cells”

When she rings like she’s had a visit from the 3 spirits I question myself and think “aah she’s not all bad, probably just doesn’t realise how she is coming across etc”.

Just skimmed your thread but she sounds totally, totally off her rocker. Please don’t think this is you. Anyone would be losing their marbles by this point. It reminds me of when men abuse and belittle their partners to the point of making them mentally unwell and then use that against them. When they caused it all. It’s serious mind games.

Is there no way you can just move away into another team from this woman?

Totally agree that you need to push HR hard. The current situation isn’t reasonable.

Please also use more objective language. So if she says she is doing something batshit “to be supportive” say something like “in my experience it’s very unusual and in 12 years (or whatever) I’ve not experience this level of micromanagement before”. She is out of order.

Under the new rules can uni students come home ( daughter comes home on occasion as really anxious) ? We are in tier 2

Sorry i put that in the wrong place

There are some things that you mention which would set my manager off, for example you mention you are late for a Skype call, if I’m late for a zoom call, my manager will text within a minute asking where the bloody hell I am, I’ll usually respond with, bullocks sorry logging in now,

I’m general I ensure I’m ready five minutes before and if I say I’ll have something done by a time it is expected to be completed on time.

If you have a deadline and think you’ll finish by 4pm why don’t you add an hour on and say you’ll be done by 5pm instead but aim for 4 and send at 5.

If I miss my bosses call I’ll call her straight back, but she wouldn’t log in the check my work, that would drive me mad but it’s not something she would be comfortable doing anyway as she trusts us.

What’s the 3 spirits??

OP, you should make sure you speak to her manager tomorrow, don't just wait for a phone call that may or may not come.

Also, stop berating yourself for making mistakes. It's hardly surprising when she gives you no time to think straight. You already proved that you're good at your job before she arrived, it's clear that she's the problem.

Have you had 2 years service? I'd so I'd be going for a constructive dismissal claim right now.

Fuck this. I've worked for someone almost identical, I struggled on for almost a year before complaining to HR and senior management who also breached my confidence making my position very clear. They offered me three months full salary to go away quietly whilst they carried on sweeping this batshit lunatic's behaviour under the carpet.

They don't change OP. Either you get rid of her or she'll get rid of you. Get angry, get proof and take action.

Thank you. That is exactly what she reminds me of. I will speak to her manager and I want to change teams as I really can’t work like this anymore.

The 3 spirits are from one of Charles Dickens novels, there is a character called Ebeneezer Scrooge who is generally a bit of an arsehole, and he has a visit from the 3 spirits and wakes up on Christmas Day a changed man. Well known story.

Seriously this situation is making me feel like I’m going off my rocker!

I have 14 years NHS service and just over 2 years with my current trust.

If you are in a trust go to your Freedom to Speak Up Guardian for support.

I thought that’s what you meant but not really sure how the 3 spirits connects to your issue.. a tad random and immature.

Anyway, you need to be professional about this, you’ve been there two years and her only a few months. With no previous complaints I’d say you was in a strong position.

I wouldn’t discuss with colleagues, it’s not really appropriate to do so, you’ve raised a grievance which is the correct thing to do, remain factual, with evidence.

If required as others have said and you’re under stress sign off sick, you could also speak with ACAS.

Hi OP,

She sounds awful and is clearly a very poor manager, let alone a leader, if she has to resort to this style of management.

I would suggest that you first talk it through with another line manager or business mentor at her level that you know and trust, and ask for it to be kept confidential. Going to colleagues who do/don’t work for this manager may be seen as gossiping and there is very little they’d be able to do or influence, but another manager at her level should be able to discreetly raise your concerns with your line managers manager. She may have come from a different company where this type of line management is the norm/expected, so need a swift reality check that it will result in mere compliance at best - no one can give their best in these conditions, and surely that is what you’re company wants from its employees, but they have to give you the environment to do so.

If the above isn’t an option then your only option is HR but this is a far more formal route which could cause unforeseen friction in the wider team - but they should be able to help you, I would just try to deal with it within your team/management structure first.

Good Luck! Don’t stand for being treated like this.

She is truly awful.

If you didn't record the meeting, please minute it, or you might find her version of the meeting is nothing like yours. It does happen when someone is trying to target you.

Also, if you have put in a complaint about this person, you should never be having a 1 to 1 with them; you shouldn't be put into a position where they are able target you even more.

Does she minute the meeting? I'd be very tempted to email her outline what was discussed. Something along the lines of

Hi X
Just to confirm the points made in our 121.
Blah blah blah and don't hold back on exactly what she said and what agreements you came to.

I thought the 3 spirits remark made sense in context and conveyed how your manager occasionally tries to be less overbearing/more helpful, in the manner of someone trying to change their ways. The perpetual backsliding is a shame though!

It does sound brutal OP.

Hi OP she really sounds unhinged and no wonder you feel so stressed and whilst in your own home too!! Can't believe she asked you to take your laptop into the toilet completely unacceptable request where is your dignity at the end of the day at work or elsewhere!! Good luck with this OP can't stand bullies!

Thank you. She is unhinges. The unhelpful thing is that her line manager just can’t deal with people, it’s like she has crippling social anxiety and it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking and just goes along with it, as obviously Shitbag is a very loud domineering person who likes to intimidate m. I can’t talk to my other colleagues about it, even the ones I class as friends as I feel like I’m gossiping and don’t want to make anyone piggy in the middle. I work so bloody hard even if I don’t always get everything right. It’s soul destroying l. My only option really is HR.

HR it is then!

Ask to the relative policies

Keep a shit file. I know that is hard but if you flick open a note book with all the micromanagement shite logged then you have evidence also join Unison as you are in NHS they will support you.

Thank you.

Random and immature? It’s just a figure of speech to illustrate how she has days where she behaves like a changed woman, but it doesn’t last. How does that make me immature?

This would 100% not be allowed where I work. It is bullying. Do you have any wellbeing staff or a Union that you can talk to. I think you should start documenting and keeping a diary of what she is doing and when. This is bullying and harrassment.

Thank you. I think I will have some time off, continue pursuing things with HR and see where that leads. She has come from a place where that style of management was the way it was and it was all about hammering deadlines etc. I’ve never had to work like this in my whole working life! Whether that’s in the NHS or previous jobs. I know I shouldn’t have to but I really want to just change teams now. We have freedom to speak up guardians, constant Trust meetings and info from Comms regarding mental wellbeing etc etc. It’s not the sort of place where they would tolerate this at all, yet it’s happening, to me while say in my own home working in isolation. I think in the office she wouldn’t get away with how she speaks to me.

Take sick leave if you need it to cope. Be honest about why you are off. Use her name in the email to her manager and CC HR