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Being bullied working from home

375 replies

Ceriane · 30/07/2020 02:47

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
RiaOverTheRainbow · 22/10/2020 19:11

You could always try malicious compliance i.e. bombard her with emails right back, see how she likes it.

12pm: Project ETA 4:30pm
12:15pm: Project ETA still 4:30pm
12:30pm: Project ETA still 4:30pm
12:37pm: went to loo, away from desk 5 mins
12:45pm: Project ETA still 4:30pm
1pm: last bit took longer than expected, new ETA 4:40pm
1:12pm: went to find jumper, away from desk 1 min
1:15pm: Project ETA still 4:40pm

repeat ad nauseum...

Ceriane · 22/10/2020 19:37

Lol... this is pretty much what she expects, in fact more extreme than this, she wouldn’t even think this was weird, she’d just want to know why I hadn’t given her 5 minutely updates!!!!

OP posts:
PerpendicularVincent · 23/10/2020 14:27

I'd do what Ria said, but slightly more extreme.

8am: woke up and wondered how the fuck this became my life.

8.34am: ate cheerios for breakfast.

9am: attempted to start work but got distracted by RightMove. Booked 3 viewings of unsuitable houses.

9.45am: answered all 1,834 of my bosses' inane requests.

9.51am: texted friends about boss.

9.53am: we all laughed and called her a twat

10am: Sent flirty email to Bob in sales

10:10am - 1pm: tried various methods to find out if Bob is married

1.16pm: noticed boss following me around a spreadsheet

1.24pm: looked up rules about stalking on internet

2.33pm: had wee. Took laptop into toilet

3pm: got distracted and watched Ratched on Netflix. Can recommend

Ceriane · 23/10/2020 17:42

Ooh if I put “ate Cheerios for breakfast” at 8.34am I am sure I’d get “If you officially logged in at 8am as your calendar states then who told you you could go and help yourself to Cheerios!”. Lol 😂 this made me laugh!

OP posts:
Ceriane · 23/10/2020 18:00

I should put on my calendar:

8am: Started work, answered a couple of emails and made myself a coffee...got distracted by Piers Morgan and Susanna arguing on Good Morning Britain.
9am: Responded to all 10000 insane requests from MM
10.00am: Had every intention of doing work but was extremely distracted by Phil and Holly and people’s kids drawings that look like body parts.
11.00am: Went to the loo, remembering to take my laptop with me of course and began working on the spreadsheet in the bathroom.
11.09am: Carried on working on the spreadsheet remembering to update manager approx every 2 minutes with how far I’d got and to estimate how long it’s likely to take.
12.00 Worried I hadn’t reported back enough then realised I needed to ring Tom in finance, spent the rest of the hour flirting like mad
1.00pm: Realised nothing had been done for the last half an hour as I had been busy daydreaming
2.00pm: Actually did work
3.00pm: Is it too early to start on the cocktails 🍸? No, don’t think so...
4.00pm: Manager ringing new after several unanswered emails to ask WTF I’m doing...

Not really I work really hard (honestly). Imagine her reaction if I put this on my calendar! At least she couldn’t accuse me of not updating it!

OP posts:
PerpendicularVincent · 23/10/2020 18:53

Do it do it do it Grin

debtadviceflowerofscotland · 23/10/2020 20:19

My god, this sounds absolutely awful OP. I can't get over how terrible this must feel for you.

I work as a debt advisor. Usually I visit people at home, but obviously, at the moment, I am WFH (as are all my debt/welfare advice colleagues and the management team) and everything is being done by 'phone, digital documents being signed etc. I am lucky if I hear from my line manager once a month! Now she is a crap manager at the other end of the scale, but I am completely trusted to just get on with the job I'm paid to do! They can obviously see from shared systems/reports/stats/worksheets, how many clients I have and that I am progressing through the work, opening and closing new client cases as need be and they possibly monitor my work 'phone too to check I am working, but thats it.

I would probably like a little more interaction with my manager as I do feel a bit like I've jo-one to run things past and we do have to help people make some life changing decisions such as bankruptcy etc but I just couldn't cope with what you describe. It doesn't make you feel valued as a professional and how are you supposed to get the job done if someone is constantly taking up your time asking you to account for your time! And the following you around spreadsheets, waiting for you to make a mistake, FFS!

I am thinking of you and wish you well and lots of love and strength for the next few weeks. I do think you need to start to play hard ball and ask to be shielded from interaction with this person until your grievance is resolved, this sounds like a reasonable request. I also think you need to work on your self confidence - you are brilliant at your job, know your own worth. Mistakes are fine as long as you own up to them and aren't deliberately making them, she must be making you make more as you're so on edge!

Ginfordinner · 24/10/2020 08:57

Can you not cc her boss in on every email you respond to. This way the boss will see just how micromanaged you are.

Ceriane · 24/10/2020 12:42

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
justilou1 · 31/10/2020 12:05

Hi @Ceriane... hope the time off has helped clear your mind and strengthened your resolve. Please keep us in the loop.

Ceriane · 31/10/2020 19:30

Thank you. I will. She seems to have calmed down since HR stopped her ringing me, and I no longer answer her emails straight away, but every so often she will still say something really scathing that makes you feel like crap.

OP posts:
Porridgeoat · 31/10/2020 20:31

Hi good you’ve had a break. Hope you’re logging any comments.

justilou1 · 31/10/2020 23:40

She’s a horrible piece of work. She just can’t help herself, can she? I agree that you must log everything. Preferably record all conversations so that the tone and context can at least be conveyed to HR. She is a troll.

Ceriane · 01/11/2020 10:29

Lol, she probably hides under bridges and jumps out at people at the weekend!

OP posts:
Alternista · 01/11/2020 11:18

She sounds awful, I’d not be able to cope with that at all.

Ceriane · 01/11/2020 11:24

I don’t know how I am tbh.

OP posts:
Rinkytinkpanther · 02/11/2020 11:46

Ceri, I feel for you.
I have a similar problem with my LM.
Been WFH (but have fracture and am currently immobile). I said I was happy to WFH rather than go sick. She does not agree with her team WFH but cannot insist I return to base, cannot drive currently.
So she has cancelled all my booked and approved annual leave!

Busterboo · 03/11/2020 01:24

My boss is same absolute scrum bag calling staff names, checking every little detail, bothering over nothing counting where you've been what you've done even when you are breaking your back. Bosses above her won't challenge so there is an unseen lock into our office nobody coming in as she is a toxic witch. Funny thing is she is at best average at her job and cried like a baby should anyone come down hard on her or stand up to her.

katy1213 · 03/11/2020 01:51

If she's micro-managing to this extent, she can't be getting any work done herself.

Busterboo · 03/11/2020 11:38

If you are referring to my manager she disseminates work when it suits and when she is being watched from above she takes it back. Her department has been reviewed numerous times in last ten years and she was nearly gone on one review but the director reviewing her retired and persons taking over didn't really have a clue. I have heard her managers saying they are scared of her!!!!

CleverCatty · 03/11/2020 14:43

Log all her comments and have them ready to send to HR.

I worked for a few months with a nightmare woman like this last year - younger than me but I think promoted too soon. She was lovely to start off with but soon turned into the micro-manager from hell yet tried to turn it around to her being super efficient and competent and me not. The endless lists of keeping track of my work really got to me, I did mention this to her once and she said this was how she'd been told to do things - e.g. treat me like a naughty child LOL and also when I started she laid out rules to me which were incorrect e.g. me having 30 minutes for lunch rather than 1 hour etc - the other PAs in our team wondered what she was on - I was encouraged to apply for a permanent role there but realised with her as manager it would be utter hell. Sad thing was that her boss/my other boss who didn't/couldn't get involved but had interviewed Ms Micromanager at my interview I think knew exactly what she was like but as I was a temp and Ms Micromanager was permanent it was easy to get rid of me when I snapped and criticised her - why I unwisely did.

In any job where you are there, over 2 years, definitely fight your corner, get HR, union etc involved.

It's easy to laugh about her silly ways but this style really gets/grinds you down.

Ceriane · 03/11/2020 17:46

Thank you. She’s just a nightmare... and WFH nobody gets to see her crazy behaviour!

OP posts:
Osirus · 05/11/2020 10:19

How can this have been going on for so long?!

It doesn’t look like she’s going to change, after all this time.

I have seen people be targeted for having health issues in the past. They are picked on for being “weaker”, less likely to fight back etc, easy to bully. It’s not right of course. She comes across as being irritated by your issues and is perhaps trying to wear you down so you just leave.

I hope this resolves, but I really don’t think it is going to, not until one of you leaves your job.

Just as an aside, as someone else pointed out, your posts and very rambling and hard to follow, and you come across slightly neurotic (I’m sure you’re not but feels that way - you jumped on the person who asked if you had a disciplinary, when she/he was simply trying to work out if this was why you being micromanaged; they weren’t trying to imply you acted like you had one). Try to calm down, be more direct and concise. Keep communicating short and to the point.

Good luck.

ilovebrie8 · 10/11/2020 19:45

This type of thing grinds you down...I’m in similar a micro managing boss...constant emails it’s bonkers. It says me and I’ve had it ! Life’s too shirt to do deal with this day one day out I’ve stuck it a year but lesson learnt follow your gut....I never really wanted the job in the first place Hmm

ilovebrie8 · 10/11/2020 19:46

Saps not says..

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