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Original poster

in defence of working mothers

184 replies

edam · 29/09/2004 23:43

I've been shocked by a couple of threads recently where people have been vitriolic about working mothers. All the usual, lazy, stupid comments about 'why have children if you aren't going to bring them up yourself' etc. etc.
And you know what? It makes me very angry. I have to work to feed my son and keep a roof over his head. Anyone lucky enough to be in a position where they don't have to do that should be damn grateful, not smug and superior.
I really need my sleep after a tough couple of days at work but I'm so incensed about this I'm on here instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
edam · 03/10/2004 16:19

Hey Sofia, relieved to see you aren't some arch-Thatcherite 'string 'em all up' merchant after all! And I don't want to give you the impression my childhood was all desperate poverty at all, it wasn't, but just goes to show that however well-educated, middle-class and professional you are, we can all fall on hard times.
BTW, I do sympathise with the working all hours and only just clearing the bills/unable to buy stuff you actually need feeling. Do NCT nearly-new sales cover children your dd's age? I've found them really great for ds.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 03/10/2004 22:12

Thanks guys, I love mumsnet. I have been way too busy to really do a proper search for coats (been to asda and h&m so far) and luckily it hasn't been cold enough to need them. Actually, I saw some nice ones at h&m, but they seemed designed for arctic weather, which really doesn't happen in london. Esbee, my ds is 4 in november and my dd is 2, but wearing 3 year old clothing.
Sis, thanks for the offer, it may be a little large, but maybe we should get together (finally) and see if it fits. Do you still have my email?
My dh is doing an Access to Business course. It's the first time he's been in a classroom since he was 12 (he went into care at that age and never really had any proper schooling afterwards). He is loving every minute of it.

KateandtheGirls, I'm sorry...it seems that I have inadvertantly offended you. I am not trying to say that you are non-productive member of society. Obviously your circumstances are vastly different than my dh's ex. My point was aimed at the people who CHOOSE to make me the taxpayer a partner in their staying at home. You clearly did not choose to have your husband murdered and if some of my taxes are going to help you (which is a possibility since I pay taxes in the usa as well as the uk), then I'm more than happy for that to take place. My original point was really meant as a positive comment to Custardo and a reinforcement of HER choices. It came out of a hard day filled with dh's harrassing ex's and I was not my usual eloquent self. Again, I'm sorry if I offended you.

MeanBean · 03/10/2004 22:19

Well I'm choosing to make you the taxpayer a partner in my staying at home some of the time, because i get tax credits, which enable me to work part time and still just about pay bills. And as far as I remember from a thread somewhere SA, so do you! Why is it so bad to get subsidised for staying at home to look after kids, rather than get subsidised for going out to work? (or staying in to work in my case?) In both cases, the taxpayer is a willing or unwilling partner in that decision, and in both cases, work is being done, whether it's recognised as work or not.

SofiaAmes · 04/10/2004 00:05

Meanbean, yes I collect tax credits...can't afford to turn them down, but I think it's a really odd concept. I pay the money in taxes, the government wastes a bit of it and then gives it back to me because I'm working and paying taxes...huh?
Anyway, I think as someone said earlier, we have to agree to disagree. I really just wanted to make sure that I hadn't truly offended anyone as that wasn't my intention. Other than that I guess my political and social ideas aren't the same as some of yours...but boy wouldn't it be boring if they were all the same.

nightowl · 04/10/2004 00:34

after i read your earlier post sofia i thought i could probably see the sort of person you were reffering too and that it wasnt anyone like the few of us here that got offended. maybe im speaking out of term but to me its like this...anyone who wants to stay at home with their child is absolutely fine (single or not)...its the women who have children, use that as a good excuse to never work and dont even look after said children that annoy me and i do know people like this. it isnt a myth...these women really are out there.

nightowl · 04/10/2004 00:39

going back to the original post...i have known mothers who work and treat their children badly...mothers who work and adore their children...as above for non working mothers..and as all of the above for single mothers. its not a question of working or not...its how we treat our children that matters.

SofiaAmes · 04/10/2004 01:04

thank you nightowl, that was just what I wanted to say. My main examples are my dh's two ex's (they left him, not the other way around...before you start blaming him). One is a positively evil awful mother. The other is just an untrained, ignorant mother who never had a good example from her own mother. Their poor parenting is not because they are SAHM's. In fact, I don't really think that's the right term for them because it implies that they are doing the job of mothering while at home, when in fact they are either at the pub or dealing drugs.
Ok I know, dh made an awful choice in the mothers for his first 3 children, but he made up for it with me...

KateandtheGirls · 04/10/2004 01:15

Thanks for clearing that up SofiaAmes.

sis · 04/10/2004 10:06

Sofia, I don't have your e-mail but wil CAT you.

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