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Original poster

in defence of working mothers

184 replies

edam · 29/09/2004 23:43

I've been shocked by a couple of threads recently where people have been vitriolic about working mothers. All the usual, lazy, stupid comments about 'why have children if you aren't going to bring them up yourself' etc. etc.
And you know what? It makes me very angry. I have to work to feed my son and keep a roof over his head. Anyone lucky enough to be in a position where they don't have to do that should be damn grateful, not smug and superior.
I really need my sleep after a tough couple of days at work but I'm so incensed about this I'm on here instead.

OP posts:
bunnyrabbit · 30/09/2004 14:16

While all you working mums are here, just a quick question...

How on earth do you manage to get housework done??

I can keep the washing up to date (cos I don't iron) and I can cook and freeze stuff for DS, and cook for us everynight, but I just can't find the time to do housework!! I've started using Tesco online in the hope that not having to go shopping it might free up some more time, but nope, house still looks like some haunted deserted derelict house with cobwebs everywhere...

BR

bundle · 30/09/2004 14:17

cleaner

Hulababy · 30/09/2004 14:17

Housework??? LOL! No I do a very little bit of my days off with DD (bare minimum; more todying) and then DH and I both do the housework together at the weekend.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2004 14:22

sck, MWWOOTH is Mother Who Works Outside Of The Home. We're all working mothers

Thomcat · 30/09/2004 14:26

I pay someone to help me with it. She's lovley and does 3 hours a week.

Other than that i keep on top of things so nothing ever gets really bad.

BTW - there should never be anything to be vitrioloc over, one thing works for one woman/family and another thing works for soemone else. There should be no right and no wrong, just what suits that person/family and each such be respected as much as the other.
At the end of the day SAHM's and WM's don't have it any easier or any harder than the other.

Thomcat · 30/09/2004 14:27

Yes fair point Soupie, I'll change my WM to a MWWOOTH, I was being lazy with my typing more than anything else!

welshmum · 30/09/2004 14:28

I'm proud to be a working mum too. That's all really...just wanted to join in.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2004 14:34

It's not very catchy is it TC? LOL. I'm just being pedantic

aloha · 30/09/2004 14:34

I have a lovely life as a mother who works. I've never been happier ever in my whole life. I feel very blessed that I can earn a decent income from my own home and have professional status, and lots of time for my ds, which I, personally, really need. And I have a husband who is also a really present and involved parent and who does not put work first either. And that makes a hell of a difference. Sometimes I'm really bored with work, and dream of winning the Lottery, but I also really value the time when I'm not negotiating with a three year old or watching Balamory.
I do think our needs are important - our need to work and exercise our talents (often for the benefit of others and society too) and our need to spend time with our kids. Both vary a lot from woman to woman and depend on our own lifestages. So for some people staying at home full time would be very hard, for others it is easy. For some people working full time would be a nightmare, for others it is deeply fulfilling. We are all different! I don't see the children of working parents loving their mothers any less. It's much, much more complex than that.

aloha · 30/09/2004 14:36

I don't do housework either. Bit of washing, wipe the odd surface, put things in the dishwasher and pick crap up from the floor. Have a cleaner 21/2 hours a week to keep things vaguely under control. It's really not that important to me.

Hulababy · 30/09/2004 14:36

I work PT - 3 days a week - n for me it is the perfect balance between doing something for me and doing the childcare for my DD. I love looking after my DD, we have a fab time. I only ever look after DD FT now in school holidays, and that will stop now as she is in nursery near home so can still go. When looking after her FT I feel I don't get as mcuh fun out of it as I feel I should be doing housework, shopping, etc. too. Now ont he 2 days have at home with DD they are purly for us - Dh agrees no houseowrk, etc. to be done on those days Works well for us.

bunnyrabbit · 30/09/2004 14:41

HB good for you!! Off to start yet another thread on needing a cleaner!!

SoftFroggie · 30/09/2004 14:45

I think for many people it is a very hard choice to decide whether to work for money (WFM) or stay at home (SAH). Having made a hard choice, people are then often very defensive and strongly justify their decision - often by denigrating the other option.

It is even harder if you don't have the choice in the first place - we don't all have the choice to SAH (e.g. we need the money etc) or WFM (e.g. we can't afford the childcare etc). When you're forced into your situation without choice, and when that doesn't actually suit what you would choose, given the choice, hearing the denigrating comments passed by the other side can be very upsetting.

We need to have respect for the situation other people are in, whether by choice or otherwise.

colinsmommy · 30/09/2004 15:11

Wow. I honestly never realized that working moms got such a hard time for working. I always thought it was that society looked down at SAHM's (like me) for not doing enough. I've always been jealous of those who balanced working and staying at home, and when I post on the SAHM threads, its because it feels like kind of "group therapy" for me to know that there's other people out there like me, not because I look down on those who work. Yet, I know (for me)if I went back to work, it would just be a different set of worries and doubts I would face in regards to my role as a mother, because of the pressures of society. I post in defence of ALL mothers, because no matter what you do, its tough, and I think you all are amazing.

Original poster
edam · 30/09/2004 15:37

I think what particularly upset me (on top of all the other negative comments recently) was a post on Cassie's thread basically saying her daughter couldn't be happy seeing her mum that little and it was Cassie's fault for not working flexibly. As if mothers in paid work have complete freedom to organise our working hours as we choose.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 30/09/2004 15:46

I'm with TC

Heathcliffscathy · 30/09/2004 15:50

edam, i think someone just remarked that seeing your (v small) dd for one hour a day seemed like only a little and could she possibly get home bit earlier...i don't think anyone slated her for that in particular did they? it's about balance isn't it?

i also think that it's really great for people that have relatives that are willing and able to look after their babies, but not all do...

like i say, working mums are to be saluted as are sahms...but it's also fair enough to comment on work/homelife balance especially if there is a choice involved isn't it?

prettybird · 30/09/2004 15:50

I like the MWOOTH acronym! I always tried to differentiate the fact that I am a PAID working mother, in recognition of the fact that other mums who choose not to be in paid employment are still working, just not getting paid for it.

I have a similar sensitivity about the term "full time mothers" when used to differentiate SAHMs from "working mothers". As far as I am concerned, I never stop being a mother just because I go out to work.

But I HAVE learnt to be comfortable with my own decisions - knowing that they are right for me, dh and ds - and are not anyone else's business. My own lack of guilt has been helped by the example of MY mother, who worked full time - and yet who I think was a fantastic mum. Also my Dad was always very involved - as is my dh now with ds. In fact, becasue he is currently working from home, HE is the one who is dropping off and picking up ds from nursery and putting him in to the childminder.

Original poster
edam · 30/09/2004 15:55

Colinsmommy, sorry, hadn't refreshed window so didn't see your post before my latest one. Interesting post.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 30/09/2004 15:55

sophable I made that comment. And I am a full time working mum. I think all I said was that she could try working from home a day or two a week so that she could see more of her dd.

Original poster
edam · 30/09/2004 15:57

Sophable, no, that's not my recall of Cassie's thread. Someone posted very aggressively insisting that she could work more flexibly if she wanted 'because other people do'. Struck me as really insulting/ignorant. Maybe the poster is just very out of touch with the world of paid work but most employers tell employees what hours to work, not the other way round.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 30/09/2004 16:00

i didn't read it like that edam...and i don't think cd meant it like that...

Original poster
edam · 30/09/2004 16:00

CD, it wasn't your comment(s) I was thinking of, which were reasonably worded, I thought. Someone else was much more abrupt, basically insisting that Cassie COULD work different hours if she chose.

OP posts:
aloha · 30/09/2004 16:08

I'm really sorry you aren't enjoying work Edam. It's hard isn't it? Are you looking around for something else/considering going freelance? I earn as much or more freelancing 3days a week than I did working fulltime. I've gone feral now and couldn't imagine going back to office life.

bunnyrabbit · 30/09/2004 16:19

I work one day a week from home. I see my DS for 1 1/2 hours more in the monring and 1 1/2 hours more in the evening than I would when going into the office. Travelling time basically. Personally, I could not work at home if DS was there so the GPs look after him on a Friday.

So, certainly for me, and possibly for others, working at home doesn't necessarily make a huge difference, but boy do those hours count!! I had to go in for a full day meeting last Friday and was furious that I missed our 'mummy and bug' time.

BR

BR