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Original poster

Team booked a meal out and I wasn’t invited!

154 replies

lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 14:19

So I work part time in an office where there are about 15 employees in total.
They all booked a meal out this evening ( paid by the company) and didn’t bother asking me whether I’d like to join them. There was no email going around to inform us all about the event.
A couple of the guys came in today well excited about the meal and said it out loud while one of my other colleagues was trying to make him aware that I’m not invited and to keep quiet.
I’ve been working there part time for two years and I really feel left out. I’m not bothered about the meal really..,it’s the principle. My own manager didn’t say anything to me. So upset!

OP posts:
EBearhug · 11/06/2019 08:00

I don't think you are over thinking. If you're not going to say anything, do at least take note that it's happened, in case it happens again.

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 11/06/2019 08:35

Thank you. Yes I will but I just don’t see what I could get out of mentioning it. But I will keep this in mind next time they need a favour

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 11/06/2019 08:42

It’s horrid. Entirely unacceptable behaviour from a manager. I think you should mention it and say how it made you feel. Explain it was unkind and has resulted in a member of staff feeling isolated and reluctant to offer the same level of goodwill.

If it’s too hard to initiate that conversation, send the manager an email to put the onus on them to explain and apologise.

It’s not a small issue. If it came to my attention that one of my managers had done this I would have the conversation and consider a final warning if there was no reasonable grounds for so behaving.

MyOtherProfile · 11/06/2019 10:54

I can understand your reluctance to bring it up but I think it's important that you do. This is a series HR issue and can't be allowed to pass. This won't be the last time it happens, either with you or someone else.

AnotherEmma · 11/06/2019 11:00

I know it's nothing to do with me but it's really bothering me to think that you're not going to say anything. I understand that you're embarrassed but it's so important to say something about this - do it by email as it will be easier and also there's a record in writing. You can still stay something and be dignified about it.

Rockbird · 11/06/2019 11:03

I really wouldn't let it go. This was a work funded meal as a reward for hitting targets, if I've read that correctly. As part of the team you were also involved in that target and should have been involved in the reward. It's appalling behaviour.

Sooverthemill · 11/06/2019 11:13

You are a woman with a child and you work part time. You were excluded from a work event paid for by the company. You were being discriminated against on grounds of sex. You should notify the company . And email them maybe something like this

" I didn't feel able to raise this in person on Friday because it was embarrassing and hurtful to be excluded from the invitation to the company paid-for meal. But I feel that the company have discriminated against me by excluding me from this event which was to celebrate my team meeting a target I contributed to. I'm hoping this was just an oversight and therefore not deliberate."

Just because you can't always go to events outside of working hours doesn't mean you shouldn't be invited.

Sooverthemill · 11/06/2019 11:17

Also, if the company are claiming this back as a business expense I think every employee has to be given an equal opportunity to attend.

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2019 11:26

Just drop your manager a polite email.

"Manager, I just wanted to mention that I wasn't invited to the team meal last Friday, which I believe was paid for by the company to celebrate hitting our target last month. I wanted to raise it as I did feel somewhat embarrassed when it was mentioned, and then hurt not to have been given the opportunity to attend. Perhaps it was a genuine oversight, but it did not appear that way and it has made me consider how I am valued as part of the team."

crosspelican · 11/06/2019 12:39

*" I didn't feel able to raise this in person on Friday because it was embarrassing and hurtful to be excluded from the invitation to the company paid-for meal. But I feel that the company have discriminated against me by excluding me from this event which was to celebrate my team meeting a target I contributed to. I'm hoping this was just an oversight and therefore not deliberate."
*

I like this one and NoSquirrels's emails - they're brief and to the point, and not combative. No harm in using the phrase "discriminated against" because, well, you were.

I would definitely bring it up. You would bring it up if you were underpaid this month, right? You would bring it up if everyone on the team got a bonus this month except you, right? Events like this one contribute to your career progression, because they foster camaraderie, trust and team cohesiveness. You were excluded from this opportunity and you're NOT being petty or a "crybaby" to bring it up. You're defending your patch in a completely reasonable, and non-agressive way.

AnotherEmma · 11/06/2019 12:42

I think Sooverthemill's suggested email is perfect.

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 11/06/2019 18:09

I know you all have good intentions and thank you for all your advices but I’m nervous about losing my job tbh. I can’t afford losing it at this moment in my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 11/06/2019 18:14

Sad isn’t it? I am very hardworking and put 100%in my job I’m never late I’m friendly approachable, degree educated and definitely not stupid. I like to have a laugh when appropriate but it seems I come about as a pushover. :-(

OP posts:
Littleduckeggblue · 11/06/2019 18:15

Are you the only part time person?
Did they "win" the meal as some kind of incentive?

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 11/06/2019 18:17

Yes I’m the only part timer. Yes the office hit the target for the month.
It’s the first time this happened.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 11/06/2019 19:08

You think you might lose your job if you say something? Seriously?! Confused

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 11/06/2019 19:38

No...I’m just saying it for the sake of it 🙄

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 11/06/2019 19:40

That wasn't my point. My point is that you won't lose your job. Our employment rights aren't amazing but they do exist!

theworldistoosmall · 11/06/2019 19:42

It's the first time that you know about.
I would raise it and ask directly why you weren't invited.

MyNewBearTotoro · 11/06/2019 19:47

If you don’t feel comfortable raising it then don’t. I think I would drop it too.

Obviously if you raise it and feed back that makes for a better thread but this is your real life and sometimes it’s not worth making things awkward.

notfromworcester · 12/06/2019 18:40

If you have any kind of HR, or a raising concerns policy, you need to follow it and make the relevant people aware that this has happened.

I'd be horrified if one of our line managers were acting in a discriminatory way and it would absolutely be dealt with.

It might be unpleasant but you haven't caused this and you're protected by all kinds of legislation if they try and sack you over it.

KUGA · 17/08/2019 09:21

I wouldn't give them the satisfaction that it bothered you.
I had the same done to me many years ago.
And they decided to invite me on the next night out.
Suffice as to say I declined.
It felt bloody great.

Elles011 · 08/09/2019 22:48

Please let us know how you get on. All the best. X

NoProblem123 · 09/09/2019 15:53

Book a table at the place they’re going.

Sit alone & look sad.

BritInUS1 · 09/09/2019 16:02

This is a thread from June 2019