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Original poster

Team booked a meal out and I wasn’t invited!

154 replies

lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 14:19

So I work part time in an office where there are about 15 employees in total.
They all booked a meal out this evening ( paid by the company) and didn’t bother asking me whether I’d like to join them. There was no email going around to inform us all about the event.
A couple of the guys came in today well excited about the meal and said it out loud while one of my other colleagues was trying to make him aware that I’m not invited and to keep quiet.
I’ve been working there part time for two years and I really feel left out. I’m not bothered about the meal really..,it’s the principle. My own manager didn’t say anything to me. So upset!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/06/2019 16:53

I wouldn't email tonight - they will all just get their story straight.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/06/2019 16:59

I'd be really upset in your shoes OP.

Just because you're part time does not make you any less of a valuable member of the team. Your manager obviously realises you've been left out, and has no problem with it, so I'd definitely be bringing it to my directors attention. As you said, you may not have gone, but as part of the team you'd have liked the opportunity to decline . It's almost bullying tbh

Yogagirl123 · 07/06/2019 17:02

That’s a horrible way to treat a team member, no wonder you are upset. Very unkind of them, and rather stupid because it was obvious you would find out, makes an awkward atmosphere. Don’t let it worry you though, shame on them.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/06/2019 17:04

It's quite possible to raise it with the manager today, when it's current, and to express that you won't be attending now due to the awkwardness. It's late enough that it's not reasonable to say someone was going to mention it.

I wouldn't go either, if I was OP, but I know too many cases of things like this being brushed off after the fact that I'd want to raise it before.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2019 17:08

She can't go because she hasn't been told about it. And who would turn up knowing she wasn't wanted there?

elizabethdraper · 07/06/2019 17:13

This exact thing happened to me. I wasn't invited to the Christmas party. I was told that it was my fault as I should have asked about it.

It haven't felt the same about the team sense. I was embarrassed and hurt.

I am looking for a new job

SilverDapple · 07/06/2019 17:13

Really unkind and unprofessional. You have every right to be upset about it.

rougebuterfly · 07/06/2019 17:37

I really feel for you OP, I have had this done to me and it’s horrible.

Flowers
IvanaPee · 07/06/2019 17:40

@elizabethdraper I don’t think it was your fault but I agree you should have asked!

Unless people had always treated you meanly or ignored you, surely you would just assume it was a mistake?!

Bluntness100 · 07/06/2019 17:45

Op do you maybe do a different job to the others? Are you sure it's everyone else invited and you're the only one?

It seems shit but I'm trying to think of a reason, like the sales team being taken out or something because they hit target, something that could have caused this.

DippyDepannage · 07/06/2019 17:54

nasty behaviour, some people never seem to leave the playground!

as others have suggested an email asking why is a good idea

Isleepinahedgefund · 07/06/2019 19:38

My new team are a bit like this. They’re all whatsapping each other and sending each other messages on the office messenger - the person who sits on my right messages the person who sits on my left then says “did you see my message ha ha ha ha ha”. They’re all quite new to the team too so it’s not like they’re friends from way back.

I am a full time, substantive member of staff. I work at home thurs and fri and today I got an email addressed to everyone saying that “we’ve agreed” to cancel a team outing we were having on Tuesday because they’re all going to something together on Thursday - they’ve obviously been talking about it in the office today. Both events in work time - I’ll be the only one of the team not there on Thursday. There are no business reasons for choosing the Thursday event, so I can only conclude that someone didn’t want me there.

I’d tell the manager, except she’s the instigator of it all!

So I’ve no advice, only a comforting hand hold and to say I know how crap it feels.

Mums1234 · 08/06/2019 15:17

This has happened to me, including the Christmas meal!
Whether it is genuine oversight due to being busy, thoughtlessness or deliberate it is isn't pleasant.

It also makes things awkward when you see them in work.

honeyrider · 08/06/2019 15:31

The fact that one of your colleagues tried to put the others off talking about it in front of you shows you were deliberately excluded and it wasn't an oversight.

I agree with speaking to your manager and then emailing him afterwards summarising the meeting and cc it to HR.

elizabethdraper · 08/06/2019 21:39

@IvanaPee it was all organised on a whatsapp group that i was not aware of.

I had no idea where was going to be a separate team night out until i suggested, by email, team drinks for christmas, i got an email back saying they already had one

SD1978 · 08/06/2019 21:48

Ok- so it's hurtful they didn't include you. You've mentioned you are the only part timer, everyone else is full time. You have been invited to events before, but unable to attend because of child care- have you ever been able to attend or always said no to previous events? Do you work in a sales capacity where you have been responsible for the hitting of the target? Im bit denying its shit- and definition worth a mention, but any of the three above scenarios could be a reason you weren't asked.

MyOtherProfile · 08/06/2019 22:08

Horrible. Definitely email your manager and their line manager and any HR

IvanaPee · 08/06/2019 22:16

@elizabethdraper fucking hell that is so, so horrible!

Did they ever say anything to you? Apologize? Just...anything?

I can’t believe that an entire group of adults would be such absolute nasty fuckers! Sad

TitianaTitsling · 09/06/2019 11:14

isleep are you too far away to work from the office on the Thursday that this event is planned for as a one off, or have you not been included at all?

SpideyMom · 09/06/2019 17:20

Oh OP. I know how this feels it isn't pleasant and it hurts.

I've always eventually got to find out and be asked but I am always overlooked for the first few weeks of plans and generally only find out last minute.

I tell myself it's an oversight. I don't sit in the main office where everyone gets involved and included and the plans are made. That said I only sit through a door and colleagues have to pass through it many times a day, and my job has to include every one of my colleagues every single day, so who knows. I don't get any bad vibes to suggest I am not liked and it is a company wide thing, but after 4 years I am still last to know. I just get overlooked as I am seated separately to everyone else.
I don't enjoy them anyway so have made the decision to not attend anymore

pamplemoussed · 09/06/2019 17:29

Are you a contractor rather than an employee? I know I have worked as a contractor and the company I worked for gave me a place at Christmas meal even though for tax purposes it cost them
More to bring me as my seat was not tax deductible . I probably have not remembered that completely accurately bit there was a tax issue for them in inviting me. But they did anyway because it was the decent thing to do.

jackparlabane · 09/06/2019 17:58

Been there, figured out a meal out was happening, but the main organiser didn't want me there. Another woman asked if I was going and I managed to say quite loudly I thought it was just X and a couple friends, as I'd not been invited. Cue nice woman saying very loudly that that was appalling, it was a team event and leaving me out would be wrong, nasty woman's boss hastily inviting me claiming a misunderstanding, I claimed to have a vital prior commitment, but the rest of the team were very nice to me after that, to make up for nasty woman (she and her boss soon left).

Current job always invites everyone for team events and tries to have them at different times and days so everyone can attend some. There's also random socials where the organiser chooses when they are, and some parties where lots of the young staff drink and try to pull each other, which are not endorsed by work. It was a nice touch when my colleague said he hoped I wasn't offended but they'd guessed I wasn't interested in a pissup with people half my age - I conceded I certainly wasn't interested in pulling them but to give me all the gossip - I get an edited version! Nothing is underhand so it's fine.

Magenta82 · 10/06/2019 13:39

How were things today OP? Not too awkward I hope.

notfromworcester · 10/06/2019 21:38

This is awful behaviour on their part. It's bullying by exclusion and potentially discriminatory in all kinds of other ways. Your manager is behaving in an unkind and unprofessional way which will be setting the cultural tone in your workplace.

If I were you, I'd complain and potentially look to leave if you have options. Sometimes if a whole workplace is toxic it's the best option. You deserve much nicer colleagues.

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 10/06/2019 22:15

Hi All

It was awkward and I felt a bit excluded however it might be just me overthinking.
I didn’t get a chance to speak with my manager as he was very busy on the Monday morning. He didn’t really talk to me much.
To be honest, i think I will drop it. I won’t change anything and it’s really not worth thinking about anymore.

OP posts: