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Original poster

Team booked a meal out and I wasn’t invited!

154 replies

lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 14:19

So I work part time in an office where there are about 15 employees in total.
They all booked a meal out this evening ( paid by the company) and didn’t bother asking me whether I’d like to join them. There was no email going around to inform us all about the event.
A couple of the guys came in today well excited about the meal and said it out loud while one of my other colleagues was trying to make him aware that I’m not invited and to keep quiet.
I’ve been working there part time for two years and I really feel left out. I’m not bothered about the meal really..,it’s the principle. My own manager didn’t say anything to me. So upset!

OP posts:

ChicCroissant · 07/06/2019 15:58

If you were prepared to attend this event you really should have raised this today - there's not going to be much they can do about it on Monday. Can you speak to someone now?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/06/2019 16:00

You mentioned that the office hit its target - do you do the same job as them? Did you contribute to that target?

The only non-discriminatory thing that I can think of is if they are being rewarded for hitting a target that you don't work towards, and they've only taken people who contributed (so say the target was £20k of sales, only taking salespeople and managers). Even that is a bit crappy, especially if you support their work.

As it's tonight, could you phone your manager? You might get more out of it now rather than on Monday, when your manager might try and brush it off as an oversight as it's too late to invite you.

ChicCroissant · 07/06/2019 16:03

I know that it will be uncomfortable to face this head-on OP, but I really strongly advise not going down the 'innocent message' route. They know you know and you'll just look daft! Do it now, get it sorted and go out tonight!

hellenbackagen · 07/06/2019 16:04

I can't believe not one person has said something.
If we had a works do and I knew one person was left out I'd be asking what they were playing at

Awful behaviour.

Original poster

lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 16:07

I don’t like to beg! It is hurtful that they feel the way they do. It makes me feel like I’m not part of the team. As I said before I don’t care about the meal...I can go out with my friends...the behaviour of some team members though is appalling.

OP posts:

Original poster

lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 16:09

Thank you everyone for your advice. I just wanted to see others feel about it.

OP posts:

Mrsplod · 07/06/2019 16:11

Why are people telling op to go?? Is she not already humiliated enough! And why on earth would she want to sit there with these awful people who clearly don't want her there . Email to the manager Monday morning cc in director.

Magenta82 · 07/06/2019 16:15

The people talking about it being funded by work or not are focusing on an irrelevance. The fact is that the whole office was invited bar one person, this is exclusionary no matter who is paying.

IvanaPee · 07/06/2019 16:19

Do it now, get it sorted and go out tonight!

I don’t think anyone would actually do this.

Turning up to something that you specifically know you’re not wanted at? Why would you put yourself through that??

Usuallyinthemiddle · 07/06/2019 16:21

Do you all do the same job? Or are they the arseholes who don't think the part timers don't contribute to hitting a target?
So sorry for you. Horrid thing to happen.

inlectorecumbit · 07/06/2019 16:23

i would email tonight the manager and director and do mention discrimination in workplace paramount to bullying...
Then watch what happens. Scary words for any employer.

ChicCroissant · 07/06/2019 16:24

Because I think it would be less awkward to speak to the manager now and go than it's going to be on Monday morning (or whenever the OP is next in) to see them all and raise it then. It should be raised either way, today gives them a chance to fix it.

welliesarefuntowear · 07/06/2019 16:26

A similar thing happened to me when I was not invited to go on a training session with my other colleagues in an area which was integral to my job. I was very upset and I didn't let it go. I took it straight up with my boss. I have a different boss now. You have every right to feel upset, be confident and factual about taking this further.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/06/2019 16:27

this is really SHIT OP.. fucking SHIT of the entire company to exclude you. I'm willing to put money on the MD/Owner not knowing you are excluded

Reallybadidea · 07/06/2019 16:28

It should be raised either way, today gives them a chance to fix it.

I totally disagree because if the OP is then invited, it puts her in the position of either going and feeling really awkward and unwelcome or not going and looking churlish.

Ivegotthree · 07/06/2019 16:31

OP that is so so awful. I am so sorry for you.

I would definitely raise it tonight before you go home if I were you. But I wouldn't go.

How awful. What are these people like generally, nice or a bit shitty?

Why on earth do you think they excluded you?

So awful, I am sorry.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2019 16:33

i would email tonight the manager and director and do mention discrimination in workplace paramount to bullying...

This is what I'd do, though I wouldn't do it until tomorrow, because otherwise your boss might phone you and make a bunch of excuses. I'd let him fall on his sword now.

crosspelican · 07/06/2019 16:37

Do make sure you cc in the HR dept - there must be a corporate one, even if not in yr office,

HollowTalk · 07/06/2019 16:38

A couple of the guys came in today well excited about the meal and said it out loud while one of my other colleagues was trying to make him aware that I’m not invited and to keep quiet.

This is really terrible. Appalling. I would definitely contact the director over this.

ahnow · 07/06/2019 16:41

Will your manager still be in work now? If so, I'd send an email asking to meet them on Monday for a discussion. They'll probably have a fair idea of what it's about so it will put a dampener on the night out and the weekend for them. But then I'm a petty cow that way!

AmeriAnn · 07/06/2019 16:43

I would say the next time I worked there in front of everyone, "Well that was a bit awkward on Friday when I wasn't invited and people were trying to keep it a secret from me".

Then I'd exclude them from anything I did. Order in a big pizza and not allow them to even sniff it. Bring in a big box of donuts and keep them all for yourself. That sort of thing.

BackforGood · 07/06/2019 16:46

I did say today when I walked out the door: have a great time tonight everyone

There is no point in that at all. Speak up properly - when I say 'speak up', I would put it in writing. This isn't a even colleague organising a social night, you said
I was there when the director said it in the office in front of everyone that if we hit the target for the month (which the office dId) he will pay for a meal for everyone.

So you need to e-mail the Manager, copying in the Director and ask directly why, when the office met the target and took up this offer, you were not included in the arrangements / reward for hitting the target.

Asta19 · 07/06/2019 16:48

I got left out of a team day once by the boss (his decision) as I was a temp (although I’d been there longer than some of the permanent staff). Apparently the “lunch budget” (they got a sandwich and a piece of fruit!) didn’t cover temps! The difference was my colleagues all thought it was outrageous I wasn’t invited, and they were really nice and supportive to me.

If your colleagues were nice people they should have been saying “why isn’t ILove invited” not plotting behind your back. I’m so sorry OP. It’s really shit. Can you do something nice with your OH or some friends this weekend? Then walk in Monday with your head held high. You definitely have grounds to take this further if you wish to do so.

olderthanilookapparently · 07/06/2019 16:50

I would email them too then you can get the tone right

If I went it and tried to speak about something like that I would get emotional and look like I wasn't professional

Just email and ask why you didn't get an invitation it seems really odd.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2019 16:53

Then I'd exclude them from anything I did. Order in a big pizza and not allow them to even sniff it. Bring in a big box of donuts and keep them all for yourself. That sort of thing.

That's just ridiculous.

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