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Original poster

Team booked a meal out and I wasn’t invited!

154 replies

lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 14:19

So I work part time in an office where there are about 15 employees in total.
They all booked a meal out this evening ( paid by the company) and didn’t bother asking me whether I’d like to join them. There was no email going around to inform us all about the event.
A couple of the guys came in today well excited about the meal and said it out loud while one of my other colleagues was trying to make him aware that I’m not invited and to keep quiet.
I’ve been working there part time for two years and I really feel left out. I’m not bothered about the meal really..,it’s the principle. My own manager didn’t say anything to me. So upset!

OP posts:
BlooDeBloop · 07/06/2019 15:25

If it was a blokes night out on the company time, the women staff would rightly have a claim that it excludes them. You are a part-time worker and have not been included with the rest. It's exclusion whatever way you want to up and down it. I would try and not make it personal when you approach your boss, but give it him straight along the lines of exclusion.

IvanaPee · 07/06/2019 15:27

Have they ever done anything like this before? Or been mean?

It’s just such a nasty thing for 15 people to do! I’d really, truly hope it was just an oversight!!

When the woman was shushing them what was she doing/saying? Perhaps it was a misunderstanding?

redspider1 · 07/06/2019 15:28

How unkind. I think I'd want to know why and would speak to the manager on Monday. if you're doing something that makes everyone dislike you, you need to know.
If it's a company do then shame on them.

NorthEndGal · 07/06/2019 15:28

Is it because it was only for the full time staff?
Still shitty that they left you out though

LittleLongDog · 07/06/2019 15:28

What horrible people!

Don’t let them get away with saying it was a mistake either. If it was a mistake why would that one person be trying to make those guys aware you weren’t invited? Or if that was the moment they realised you were somehow missed then they should have invited you then and there - how hard is it to fit an extra ONE person into a meal reservation!?

madcatladyforever · 07/06/2019 15:30

It sounds as if there is a problem here and they are trying to make a point.
Go and see your line manager and ask outright what the problem is.
This isn't going to go away.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 07/06/2019 15:32

I was in a similar position with the Christmas meal. I work part time (but a also free-lance, which i guess you are not) and everyone else is full time.

Worked with the team on a project for almost a year.

Was not invited to Christmas Dinner or Team Lunch

I imagined it was because I was free-lance, so not really employed.

Still a bit humiliating when they all mentioned the dinner for ages, and then go hush-hush with pitying glances in my direction.

That is the bit I minded about. The whispering and the pity. I did not mind about the dinner, and I get that a free-lancer is not an employee (I get better pay, but no pension or perks), but because they were all a bit embarrassed about it (apart form 1 girl who kept bringing it up in front of me, to test my reaction, even asking if I'd choose prawn or salad for starters if I were going ....Hmm only to be hushed by the others)

Did NOT address it with manager (way too proud Grin) but mentally detached from the whole "team" thing a bit.

Then shrugged it off

and life goes on Smile

Mammajay · 07/06/2019 15:32

I hate the way part time work is considered less than full time work in terms of status

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 15:32

Looking back there have been a couple of occasions but I took no notice of them. I never made an issue out of anything really. I let it go.

It doesn’t seem like people dislike me. We all talk and discuss things. I’m quite submissive at work, I get on with it and have my job done. I don’t like involving myself in the office politics either. I’m friendly with everyone.
I’m not friends with them on social media while they all are friends on there. Not sure if this has something to do with it.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 07/06/2019 15:35

It doesn't matter why, your manager should have included everyone and that means you too.

" I would email your manager asking why you were excluded but also cc the Director so that they are aware."
This. And even if you start with a conversation you should follow up with an email, CCing the Director. You need it in writing.

Picklemuncher123 · 07/06/2019 15:37

I would leave and not go back! How disrespectful, rude and plain nasty.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/06/2019 15:38

I’m not friends with them on social media while they all are friends on there. Not sure if this has something to do with it

That is irrelevant if it is a company funded event. Its discriminatory to exclude a part timer but also quite cowardly for the manager not be up front and give you a reason.

If its a company funded event the manager should ensure you are invited or give you a reason why eg contract staff not covered by company funded events for employees.

We don’t have a hr department, it’s a small branch. It’s my manager that I’d have to speak to

But if its a branch of a larger org there should be some HR provision.

Raise it with the manager first, especially if its not the first time its happened. If its purely social they have no obligation to include anyone but if the company is paying its a company event and the manager should have the guts to explain it.

Herland · 07/06/2019 15:38

Once an event is paid for by the company it becomes a work event and under the same rules of scrutiny as normal working practice. Specifically excluding you may be grounds for a bullying case.

AncoraAmarena · 07/06/2019 15:39

It's discriminatory to treat part time staff less favourably than full time staff, so the OP being a part timer doesn't make a jot of difference.

You definitely need to bring it up with your manager OP, preferably in writing to start with so that you have a record.

ComeAndDance · 07/06/2019 15:41

It doesn’t matter if you are friends with them in FB or not. They are not friends, they are colleagues Nd they should be treating you as such Seeing that the meal is paid by the company.

Having said that, I suspect it has happened in the past but you weren’t as careful/it happened on a day you werent there/they were more secretive somthey thought they could get away with it.
It’s shit.

WeeBitSleepy · 07/06/2019 15:41

Oh OP, it’s such a hurtful thing. This happened to me when p/t too- which I do think may add to being excluded from certain social connections, but rarely, if ever, could I go out anyway at that time as I had young DC with DH working away. I was the only one in the office first thing next day as they nursed hangovers, part time pay for full time dedication, just saying Have you turned down other social events in the past, so they might have wrongly assumed you wouldn’t want to go?
I also think you should turn up/get there early tonightGrin...failing that, ask for your ‘staff benefit’ of payment for a meal in the form of a delicious lunch for yourself next week! Smile

billybagpuss · 07/06/2019 15:42

Bring it up in writing, if it was paid for by the director as reward for hitting target had you hit your personal targets? If no, you should have had a meeting beforehand and told you weren't eligible to attend the meal. If you have hit them, it is discrimination and you need to raise a formal complaint.

Karigan195 · 07/06/2019 15:45

Exclusion like that can be deemed bullying in the work place. Definitely raise it with management

Rafflesway · 07/06/2019 15:46

Absolutely diabolical, unprofessional behaviour on their part.

You said Director stated publicly that if the TEAM met the office target then company would treat EVERYONE to a meal. Where in his/her statement did it say it applied to full time staff only? Are you not part of the TEAM then? 😡

This would play a big part in my discussion with manager if I were you lovedarkchocolate.

I totally agree! Personally I wouldn't give a flying fart about the meal especially with a bunch of school kids but I would take serious issue with the obvious exclusion/humiliation. 👿

ChicCroissant · 07/06/2019 15:49

If the company is paying for the meal as a reward, then you should be invited if you are part of the team that met the target. No doubt about that. Would you have gone to the meal if you had been asked?

I would take it up with the manager on Monday, point out that it is unfair that you didn't get the benefit of the incentive.

TheStuffedPenguin · 07/06/2019 15:50

Im guessing it's simply to do with it being for full time employees . Are you the only part timer ?

IsAStormApporaching · 07/06/2019 15:53

Write a polite but matter of fact email to your manager and cc in the director. Let then know it was rude and hurtful and you hope you can be assured this won't happen again.
Don't let them away with it or they will keep excluding you.

Original poster
lovedarkchocolate · 07/06/2019 15:55

I did miss out on events in the past because all their events where taking place in central London and as I have my little one to worry about I couldn’t join them. My husband works long hours and is away a lot with work so couldn’t rely on him to be there when these events happened.
However this event is really close to home and I’d have loved to go. My husband was at home today as well today. I think because I could have attended it hurt me even more.
Yes, I’m the only part timer.

OP posts:
TixieLix · 07/06/2019 15:56

If it was a work paid for event then everyone should be invited and they can't discriminate against part-time workers. OP, you say it was a reward for hitting a target. I assume you contributed toward hitting that target with your work?

Being FB/Insta 'friends' is irrelevant because that's not a condition of your employment. If everyone else was rewarded for hitting target by way of this meal, and you were excluded, then they should be doing something for your benefit to make it up to you.

Isatis · 07/06/2019 15:57

I was there when the director said it in the office in front of everyone that if we hit the target for the month (which the office dId) he will pay for a meal for everyone.

Send an "innocent" inquiry asking when the paid-for meal for everyone is going to happen.

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