Please help me with this difficult work relationship!

[enid]

Would really appreciate any advice on this situation! I've only been back at work since March and feel totally out of my depth with this thorny personnel issue...basically I work for an arts charity. There are only two paid members of staff, me and the administrator. She is an older lady (in her 60's) who has had a difficult couple of years (her husband died last year). Basically, she is a hopeless administrator (forgets things, doesn't remember how to do things she has been repeatedly shown how to do), but I have always tried to accommodate her. She ran the place for a couple of months before they hired me and its in a right mess! Anyway, she's a nice old lady and we got on pretty well. But recently she has been so defensive, rude and difficult that it is really getting me down. I literally can't ask her to do anything without her flying off the handle or sulking. Today it all came to a head when I tried to pin down her hours - she is supposed to work 15 hours a week and moans constantly about having to do more. She basically comes in when she feels like it and leaves when she feels like it. That is a pain for me as I have to work very 'set' hours (childcare!). So I want to set her hours as Monday, Tues am and Thurs am. She is absolutely adamant that she won't be 'pushed into' this arrangement and that one of the best things about this job is the 'flexibility'. I couldnt face having this discussion today as I was up all night with dd2 (raging chicken pox, poor lamb ). So I have said we will discuss it tomorrow. Help! She gets quite personal whenever we try and discuss anything (today when talking about the hours she just blurted out 'Look, Enid, do you just want me to leave so you can hire someone else?' - what do you say to that?). Also she quite likes to undermine me - recently I was late to open up the art gallery for a workshop. I apologised to the artist and explained to x the administrator what had happened. Thought it was all behind us then found a letter that x was writing to the artist saying that 'so sorry, I still didn't know what happened to Enid or why she was late' - which was a lie and why on earth would she lie like that?

Apologies, long and possibly very boring, but its really getting me down and I love my job and don't want to leave!!!

no, I know that Dior. I feel a bit mean even pointing it out. BUT its hard not to feel bitter when she was so grim and miserable and unfriendly at work, then seeing her swanning around laughing in the evening. In her defence, she did suddenly sink and look haggard when she noticed I was there

Are you that scary?

She seems very confused but as you said, she had plenty of time to think about it and gave her resignation in writing which you accepted in good faith - you could not reasonably be expected to have known that she was depressed at the time and in any event, depressed people are allowed to resign from jobs - you can't just refuse to accept a resignation because she was depressed - that would be discrimination! Although, of course, if an employer had known that an employee was clinically depressed at the time of resigning, the employer may have asked the employee to consider the consequences very carefully before confirming the decision.

Try not to worry, from what you have said, I think she regrets resigning but I really don't think she has a case against the organisation.

sis! fantastic, hoped you would answer here. No, depression was never mentioned until after she went to the docs which was a couple of days after she initially resigned (verbally). what you have said makes me feel much better.

I think I am getting paranoid - so worried about it - I am poorly too which makes it worse I think. Also deep down I feel quite sorry for her even though she has been such a total cow, which makes it all even more emotionally stressful.

Dior -

I was sure I had updated this thread, but no matter.

Just to say that the new administrator started last Monday and she is FAB . Friendly, funny, efficient and caring.

Together we have completely reorganised the office, including removing ALL evidence of X the old administrator and decluttered thoroughly.

The new computer system arrived today so it is really feeling alive and positive in here today.

Thanks everyone for your support.

Onwards and upwards!

Having lurked shamelessly through this whole saga, just had to post and say I'm so pleased for you - well done!

Fab!