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Original poster

Please help me with this difficult work relationship!

157 replies

enid · 17/08/2004 13:30

Would really appreciate any advice on this situation! I've only been back at work since March and feel totally out of my depth with this thorny personnel issue...basically I work for an arts charity. There are only two paid members of staff, me and the administrator. She is an older lady (in her 60's) who has had a difficult couple of years (her husband died last year). Basically, she is a hopeless administrator (forgets things, doesn't remember how to do things she has been repeatedly shown how to do), but I have always tried to accommodate her. She ran the place for a couple of months before they hired me and its in a right mess! Anyway, she's a nice old lady and we got on pretty well. But recently she has been so defensive, rude and difficult that it is really getting me down. I literally can't ask her to do anything without her flying off the handle or sulking. Today it all came to a head when I tried to pin down her hours - she is supposed to work 15 hours a week and moans constantly about having to do more. She basically comes in when she feels like it and leaves when she feels like it. That is a pain for me as I have to work very 'set' hours (childcare!). So I want to set her hours as Monday, Tues am and Thurs am. She is absolutely adamant that she won't be 'pushed into' this arrangement and that one of the best things about this job is the 'flexibility'. I couldnt face having this discussion today as I was up all night with dd2 (raging chicken pox, poor lamb ). So I have said we will discuss it tomorrow. Help! She gets quite personal whenever we try and discuss anything (today when talking about the hours she just blurted out 'Look, Enid, do you just want me to leave so you can hire someone else?' - what do you say to that?). Also she quite likes to undermine me - recently I was late to open up the art gallery for a workshop. I apologised to the artist and explained to x the administrator what had happened. Thought it was all behind us then found a letter that x was writing to the artist saying that 'so sorry, I still didn't know what happened to Enid or why she was late' - which was a lie and why on earth would she lie like that?

Apologies, long and possibly very boring, but its really getting me down and I love my job and don't want to leave!!!

OP posts:
motherinfestivemood · 15/12/2004 13:31
MariNativityPlay · 15/12/2004 14:02

Oh God, oh brilliant news Enid!

sis · 15/12/2004 14:17

What a rollercoaster! good luck with finding a replacement.

PaRumPumPumScum · 15/12/2004 14:53

Fantastic, Enid!!!!!

(Sis- what is your email ON? Have just found two unopened emails from you at the bottom of my inbox (which contains about 100 undeleted emails so that the bottom of the inbox is not a good place to attract my attention). I'm emailing you now- but if you don't get it immediately please know that the answer is yes definitely, we can't wait and thank you)

bundleofyulelogs · 15/12/2004 15:40

oh enid, that's great news. had some similar news about someone (can't go into details, but did hug the person who told me about x leaving...what a great feeling!!!)

sobernoel · 15/12/2004 15:58

excellent news! Am very relieved for you!

serenequeen · 15/12/2004 17:27

enid, hooray! if you wait by the river long enough the body of your enemy will float by!

serenequeen · 15/12/2004 17:35

btw, sis i have cat'ed you with my home phone so we can speak rather than waiting for emails c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g through cyberspace!

sorry enid for hi-jack.

Enideepmidwinter · 15/12/2004 18:05

sq - love it (the river quote) - dont worry about hijacking, nothing can spoil my mood

spacedonkey - I keep giggling IRL at your airpunch!

on a complete high and can't wait to draft the ad for her replacement

sis · 15/12/2004 18:11

Having an evil moment here, do you think she will apply for the job?!

Enideepmidwinter · 15/12/2004 18:44

errrrr she won't get it, in fact I doubt she'll get an interview .

Can't believe she'd apply anyway as she has spent the last six months moaning about not being paid enough eg Enid: "did you ring so and so about booking that theatre company" X: "No, I'm not paid enough to remember to do things like that" etc etc.

OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 15/12/2004 20:04

Enid - I have been keeping up with this thread. You must be fantastically happy! At least it won't be hanging over your head over the party season!

OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 15/12/2004 20:05

Actually, thinking about it, your office party will be a damp squib

Enideepmidwinter · 15/12/2004 20:07

its tomorrow night - not strictly an office party as we turn the gallery into an arts cafe open to all on the last thurs of month- but it has become our de facto office party, hopefully she wont go and even if she does I can ignore her.

Kaysleighbells · 15/12/2004 21:48

Hey, I can't believe it - that is bloody fantastic news. Hoooraaaayyyy

Batters · 16/12/2004 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wickedwinterwitch · 16/12/2004 15:11

Marvellous, love the quote sq and I snorted at your old bat's 'I'm not paid enough' comment Enid. Fab news!

Batters · 16/12/2004 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

serenequeen · 16/12/2004 20:49

thank you, ladies. words i have unfortunately had to live by!

Enideepmidwinter · 23/12/2004 14:01

The saga rumbles on...went into work today just to tidy up a few loose ends and X was there. She told me that she was very depressed and that we should never have accepted her resignation while she was in this state. Also said that a volunteer had offered to work as the administrator for free until X felt well enough to return. She also asked me 'candidly' whether I had tried to get rid of her. I of course said no, whatever gave her that idea. She cited the new booking system, I said that the systems desperately needed updating and that it would have been done whatever, no sinister reason behind it.

Anyway, I said, no, her resignation had been formally accepted and that we had in fact started to look for a replacement. I also said I would talk to the Chairman.

I am now worried that she will try and pull something about her being too ill for us to have accepted her resignation. I did say that she resigned verbally twice, and we did not accept it until we got it in writing, so there was no overly hasty acceptance.

Help! Is she going to go or isnt she?

I also have an agonising sore throat and stiff neck and just feel like going to bed and crying

WideWebWitch · 23/12/2004 15:34

Oh no Enid, I bet you just wanted to slap her didn't you? Heck, I want to slap her! Try and forget about the old bat until the new year.

JJ · 23/12/2004 16:06

Oh no! I've followed this all along, but didn't have any advice. My heart sank when I saw it up again... poor you. Hope the talk goes well with the Chairman and he doesn't let her back.

Agree with www, try and not think about it over the holidays. Easier said than done, I know.

motherinfestivemood · 23/12/2004 16:46

Babe, how HORRIBLE for you. Can you shelve it till the New Year? I know how very awful it is when something rumbles on through the would-be festivities, but just go home, pour a LARGE drink and take several nice painkillers.

MI
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Enideepmidwinter · 23/12/2004 17:33

well, I suppose, as Shimmy has said earlier, she could pursue it through the courts, saying that she had a 'disability' - although she verbally resigned before she went to the docs and was diagnosed with depression, also I have bumped into her at two private views lately, looking very bubbly and jolly, and not in the slightest bit depressed - but as MI suggests I am going to try and shelve it for a while.

I may ask her to leave before the end of Jan (pay her up to then obviously).

Hopefully the solpadeine and wine will kick in shortly

OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 23/12/2004 19:29

Enid - just a pointer...just because she looked bubbly and happy does not mean she isn't depressed. I had no end of trouble with workmates thinking I was skiving with depression, because I always seemed fairly jolly. I was not.

Still, I hope for your sake that this all works out well for you and not her!

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