Please help me with this difficult work relationship!

[enid]

Would really appreciate any advice on this situation! I've only been back at work since March and feel totally out of my depth with this thorny personnel issue...basically I work for an arts charity. There are only two paid members of staff, me and the administrator. She is an older lady (in her 60's) who has had a difficult couple of years (her husband died last year). Basically, she is a hopeless administrator (forgets things, doesn't remember how to do things she has been repeatedly shown how to do), but I have always tried to accommodate her. She ran the place for a couple of months before they hired me and its in a right mess! Anyway, she's a nice old lady and we got on pretty well. But recently she has been so defensive, rude and difficult that it is really getting me down. I literally can't ask her to do anything without her flying off the handle or sulking. Today it all came to a head when I tried to pin down her hours - she is supposed to work 15 hours a week and moans constantly about having to do more. She basically comes in when she feels like it and leaves when she feels like it. That is a pain for me as I have to work very 'set' hours (childcare!). So I want to set her hours as Monday, Tues am and Thurs am. She is absolutely adamant that she won't be 'pushed into' this arrangement and that one of the best things about this job is the 'flexibility'. I couldnt face having this discussion today as I was up all night with dd2 (raging chicken pox, poor lamb ). So I have said we will discuss it tomorrow. Help! She gets quite personal whenever we try and discuss anything (today when talking about the hours she just blurted out 'Look, Enid, do you just want me to leave so you can hire someone else?' - what do you say to that?). Also she quite likes to undermine me - recently I was late to open up the art gallery for a workshop. I apologised to the artist and explained to x the administrator what had happened. Thought it was all behind us then found a letter that x was writing to the artist saying that 'so sorry, I still didn't know what happened to Enid or why she was late' - which was a lie and why on earth would she lie like that?

Apologies, long and possibly very boring, but its really getting me down and I love my job and don't want to leave!!!

Scummy, you do make me laugh!

Blu, me too but to be honest, I spend a lot of my time at work explaining the similaraties between good employment practice and raising young children. I am an advocate to the Little Anglels method - set boundaries and enforce them in a consistent but fair way; praise the positive; explain what the employee can gain by going along with the employers plans etc...

How's it going, Enid?

Personally I think you should do a Truby King and leave her out her pram for a couple of hours.

did you get my CAT?

I tried to CAt you.

Anyway, I got in this morning and she had left a memo on my desk with her hours written down in BLACK AND WHITE - hurrah hurrah. So thats that sorted. We discussed how she would need a new job description soon (as there is a new house manager who will be taking some of the database work away from her) and she seemed quite happy. We are going to sit down tomorrow morning and make a list of all the things that need doing and divide them up (a nice way of saying that I am going to tell her what to do).

A bit fed up that she is co-operating as I would dearly love her to leave . But I am sure my woes are far from over...

No, I didn't. Pah. Bah. Blu has my email if you've got hers.

I got your CAT, Enid - did you get my reply?

And don't you worry - she'll soon be up to some new tricks....

(well done so far though. V impressive!)

Yes! I know, she'll morph. I have given her a little project to do and she's quite happy doing it (its pointless, but she doesn't seem to realise it)

Didn't seem to get your email blu! Maybe my over-zealous virus protection has binned you - will check 'junk mail' folder - sorry!

I've sent it again. I think I copied yuor address wrongly. Let me know if you don't get it.

Just an update- I hate leaving these things hanging...both dd's have had chicken pox so I have been into work quite rarely . BUT, I have managed to get x to WRITE DOWN her hours and so far she seems to be sticking to them. We have also discussed reworking her job description which she seems to be happy with. I am trying to be slightly more encouraging - but am secretly taking more notice of what she is/isn't doing. Once dd1 finally goes to school until 3pm I will rework my hours so that I am working four mornings until 2pm - this will mean I can keep an eye on her (x, not dd1!)!

Also found out that she is retaking anti-d's - so hoping they have now kicked in and her moodiness may be a thing of the past - until she tries to come off them again of course - joy!

Anyway, some how I have managed to get the ball rolling on a fantastic community arts project and have some funding already in place. If I get the Arts Council funding I need it will mean I can employ someone to help me administer it, so she will be sidelined, thank goodness.

Thanks so much for all your fantastic advice, it really made me see things more clearly x E

Enid, congratulations on getting more funding and hope you get enough money in the pot to employ someone else soon.

It sounds like your colleague is at least trying a little (and not just being trying - ha ha) by sticking to the hours she has written down. Hope the present truce continues.

for all you wise women who gave me such good advice...we had a very official meeting today to discuss all the gaps in our admin and our lack of systems - X was there as well as most of our board plus a representative from our District Council funders. X freaked out and said she couldn't cope and didnt like the 'officious' way we were supposed to do things and thought it would be best if she left and I (Enid) found someone I would be happier working with (thanks for making it personal yet again). Anyway to cut a long story short, she discussed her desire to leave with me and the chairman afterwards. When we asked her to put it in writing she backtracked and started saying 'oh but I love my job and maybe I am just making a rash decision'. So we've left it up to her.

I really really want her to GO!!! I am so close to it I can't bear it if she now changes her mind and it is so frustrating that she has the power in this situation...

I just know she is going to come in tomorrow and say 'well I have decided to stay' AAAAAAAAARGGHHHHHH!

Ah, but if you ask her to put it in writing that'll actually put her back up sufficiently to go, won't it?

Can you ask her to do some filing, too?

But why does she have the power? It sounds to me like her conduct yesterday was totally unproffessional and would merit at least a verbal warning.....

I have asked her to put it in writing but then she got all maudlin and thought maybe she wouldn't leave.

I have already given her a verbal warning in the past, but I don't think saying you want to leave is verbal warning territory is it - although I agree totally unprofessional.

I really don't like her now and she MUST GO. But I just wish she would decide herself.

No advice Enid but what a PITA! Sympathies!

I only seem to post whingey posts on MN!!! How boring.
Wondered if anyone else has had difficulties doing PT work.
I resigned my PT job today in blazing row because they've treated me so poorly I can't believe it.
I've been made to do extra days on which I don't have childcare and was told by the boss I could invoice for them. When I invoiced for SOME extra days I was told they were 'unaware' of any extra days worked.
This is the latest in a long catalogue of insensitive behaviour on their part. To make it worse, my line manager is a mother of three!! She has a nanny though and doesn't seem to understand that you can't move nursery days around to suit your employers. And that every additional (UNPAID day) means persuading a family member to help out for ten hours.
I told them all to F* off today despite the fact that I am now a bit financially screwed. I was told I am 'high maintenance'??? Am I crazy or are these people awful?

Bugger wanted to start new thread with this - sorry

!

no worries brozzer but I did think you were 'her' for a minute

I think I was on hols when all this surfaced Enid, what a major pain she sounds. She clearly expected you to hurl yourselves at her saying "please don't leave", rather than a request for it in writing. No advice really, especially after you've had such good pointers already, but I do know from experience how an emotional sponge like her can disrupt and spoil your working life. My bete noire did find another job - not an option in your case , and within weeks was begging to reapply for their old job when it was advertised. Saying "no, thanks" was very sweet.
I really hope you can move forward on this. She's no longer being remotely professional

she's resigned! well..she's told the chairman officially (and also everyone else at the arts centre) - but not me of course, typical. She has promised to put it in writing this weekend for delivery on Monday, fingers crossed.

Hurray!
Oh, these people are the albatrosses of the arts. Well done. Onwards and upwards, Enid!

I am so relieved I feel like going away quietly and bursting into tears. She was actually a real old bully and the constant comments about "well, I guess I am just human whereas you are more professional" "good cop, bad cop", "it used to be lovely and cosy here until you came" really really wore me down.

I can't completely relax until I see it in writing but I am very pleased.

Oh, and I forgot the all time classic " I don't know how your husband puts up with you"

Well, if she doesn't put it in writing, you can do it - just a note to say that you (regretably) accept her resignation which was given verbally to...on... and confirmed, again, verbally to...on...Would like to take this opportunity etc..

I hope she finds something that she is happier with.