I'm a TA and the teacher embarrassed on my first day in the classroom

[youdontknowmyname]

Warning: it's a long story.

I'm a new TA at a secondary school (I have worked there before as a supply teacher). It was the first day of term for all year 7-13s, because it was the first day back the teacher provided some ice breaker activities for the kids to get to know their peers within their form class, the activity required a pen.

All TAs are required to carry stationery in case a kids need one. I saw a couple of kids in the corner who looked a little anxious so I assumed they did not have a pen, so I kindly offered pens to anyone who needed one. The teacher turned and looked at me, she looked at me as if I had defecated on her mother's head and she said "it's the first day back, they should have stationery on them at all times. If I were you I would put that back!". It was so embarrassing, the classroom went quiet and kids stared at me. Kids are like sharks, they can smell weakness, the water was filled with my blood.

I kept quiet for the remainder of the class, when the kids went off for their break I asked the teacher if I could speak to her privately. I was calm, collective and most of all professional. I told her I did not appreciate the way she spoke to me because it was embarrassing, and that I think it's ok to be lenient on the first day because it's important that the children have a pleasant first day experience. She denied all allegations and she had another go at me because it's school policy to carry stationery at all times.

I was coming down with a cold and I had a migraine, I suffered from severe depression in the past so I am a little more sensitive than others. I went into the staff locker room during break and I broke down in tears. My TA colleagues saw me cry and told me to head home as I was feeling sick and I didn't have the energy to cope emotionally. I spoke to my boss but I did not tell her about the pen incident, she sent me home and wished me a swift recovery.

I work through an agency, I got a call from my recruitment agent later on that day because my boss called her and told her about the "altercation" at work. She went absolutely mental and said that it was extremely unprofessional of me to speak to the teacher directly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and gone directly to her or my boss or both.

Am I in the wrong? what would you have done?

(The other TAs told me that this particular teacher is hard to work with because she's a rude control freak)

Ipsie, can't you see how the teacher's that aren't planning for contingencies disrupt all the other teachers and disturb the students 'learning brain into seeking to avoid a telling off for the teacher's failings?..

You are either in a oen'-holding training camp or a learning environment.

Back to my military training, the section commanders who managed their section, told them where they had to be when were doing their job, the ones that said 'oh they should keep a diary' when their section didn't turn up were not.

If the kids who looked anxious that the OP offered pens to didn't have pens, then what on earth was achieved by the harsh teacher telling the OP not to give them a pen. They could not work without a pen. All the teacher needed to say to these kids was 'make sure you bring your equipment in tomorrow'. Job done, no need for all this crap about her being undermined.

Why do some teachers and others on here seem to think that being a teacher means being super strict. I would much rather my kids had role models like the OP, who offer a solution to a problem with a bit of kindness on first day than some bitch who feels the need to come down hard on a child who doesn't have a pen. No wonder so many kids hate school, have no respect for their teachers and grow up having a lack of empathy for others.

OP, you did a nice thing for kids that looked anxious. Unfortunately you probably do need to build your resilience though, purely because you have to deal with unpleasant people like this teacher.

I know the teachers I respected at school were the kind ones and those are the ones I would like teaching my children not some miserable bully.

scaryclown, you are incoherent. (drinking?)

No, actually I was speaking French. (sigh)

The teacher should not have spoken to you in the way she did. You should not have responded to a POTENTIAL problem until a) it actually became evident there was a problem and b) you were ASKED to resolve it.

I note that you went to give pens because the kids looked anxious, but you haven't actually stated whether or not they even needed a pen!

You massively overstepped the boundaries of your role when you effectively told the teacher what you believe to be more important than her methods for the class, implying that you knew better.

That isn't your job. The teacher teaches, the TA supports and, crucially yet missed by you, follows the lead of the teacher.

If you want to be the lead person then teach, don't be a TA. At the very least reflect on the different boundaries of this new role.

@scaryclown I agree with Copper, I really don't understand what you're talking about.

Blimey, if this is the culture in schools today, it's no wonder school related anxiety amongst children is going through the roof.

I'm shocked and saddened by some of the comments on here.

OP - you sound like exactly the kid of TA I'd like to have looking after my kids.

'i don't understand' = 'you are being incoherent'?

Nice. :)

classroom went quiet and kids stared at me. Kids are like sharks, they can smell weakness, the water was filled with my blood.

Gosh

This thread is awful and horrible reading. I thought that we were making really good progress in terms of breaking down the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding illnesses such as depression, anxiety etc but so many of the replies on this thread show that we are still so brutal and Victorian in our attitudes.

'Are you in a fit mental state to be working?'
'You're in the wrong job for not being mentally strong enough.'

These comments are so, so damaging, for someone like the OP.

OP I really, really hope you see this - you know depression amplifies the negative and what other people deem as an over reaction is depression's shitty mind games.
I'm so sorry you've had so many comments which I know will have hurt like a physical punch in the face and will be circling around your mind now for days if not weeks.

Please know that at least one person understands, completely has your back and is sending you so much love and strength.

would much rather my kids had role models like the OP, who offer a solution to a problem with a bit of kindness on first day than some bitch who feels the need to come down hard on a child who doesn't have a pen. No wonder so many kids hate school, have no respect for their teachers and grow up having a lack of empathy for others

Meanwhile, in the real world, you turn up for work with whatever the essential tools of your job are. You build in contingencies to deal with equipment not working. You ask for help if you need it and you accept if you are unable to fulfill basic requirements, there will be consequences.

Whilst I understand that there are children who don't necessarily have access to the equipment they need, very few cannot manage a pen. Still more have pens in their bags but just borrow cos it's less hassle. Hours of teaching time are lost annually dealing with a lack of the basics. Thousands of pounds of teachers own money are spent annually dealing with the lack of equipment. I have kids I give pens to every single lesson. Why is that my responsibility?

Lack of respect? Laughable. Take responsibility for your child and make sure they have what they need. Back up teachers who punish for a lack of equipment and treat it as a serious issue. If I refused to give a child a pen I would be called out on it yet thousands of parents do just that every single school day! It's crazy just how much spoon feeding we have to do.

All TAs are required to carry stationery in case a kids need one - I presume that this means pens. Why? If handing a child a pen is such a terrible crime, as clearly laid out by teachers on here (god help our kids), why the fuck does this school require a TA to carry stationery. Surely, any TA found with stationery should be sacked on the spot? In case he/she undermines a teacher?

Op i think you've been given a shit time on this thread so sending hugs and hope you feel better soon. Teacher sounds foul.

If you want children punished for lacking stationery please stay out of the teaching profession lol

I think you're very kind op and I wish more teachers/ta's has your common sense. Don't let the b*ggers get you down.

I have read pages 1, 2 & 5 of this thread.
Seems a lot of posters think the OP should not have given the kids pens. Well why does the TA have to carry a stationary kit round if it's not to issue kids with pens etc?? Just to show off??
So the teacher makes a big deal of ensuring the kids are embarrassed and the TA is- how jolly kind of her. What if those kids were from really poor/ abusive households ( yes, it does happen) whose parent(s) couldn't afford/ give a flying fuck if their kids had pens? I think the OP was doing her job otherwise the school would not have issued her with a kit. And do people really expect a TA to have to ask permission from the teacher for every single thing she/ he does? Even down to giving kids a pen?? Christ, no wonder kids leave school unable to write if power crazy teachers are telling TA's off for giving them a pen. What a lovely atmosphere to teach our kids in. Maybe this thread has a time warp on it and I've jumped back in time about eighty years but I want my DD to be taught by somebody who has some kindness in them. No wonder kids get bullied when they see teachers bullying staff. It was very unprofessional of the teacher to speak to you like that. She's not better than you just because she's a God teacher and it's ridiculous for you agency to tell you you shouldn't have spoken to the teacher about it! Ridiculous! You are a grown up, not a child.
However, your behaviour after the event and going home was a mistake. No matter how bad you felt you should have seen it through to the end of the day. By going home you now look like you HAVE done something wrong even though, IMHO you didn't.

yorkshire you've hit so many nails on the head there. It just beggars belief - so are most of the people on here pillorying the OP for pen-crime actually teachers?

.

This thread really is horrible reading.

There are ways of talking things through, and there is being abusive. Some of the posts on this thread are just abusive - probably because the posters of those abusive comments sense the OP is vulnerable.

That's quite unpleasant.

I was advised to carry stationery with me to save having to ask for a pen, ruler etc in every school I worked in. These items were to make my life as a TA easier, not to provide the children with.

I'm just confused that anyone working in a school would go home early for anything non-life-threatening, especially on the first day of term.

You are a, supply TA. Your job is too support the teacher and help them in whichever way they want. You over stepped the boundaries I'm afraid.

*Meanwhile, in the real world, you turn up for work with whatever the essential tools of your job are. You build in contingencies to deal with equipment not working. You ask for help if you need it and you accept if you are unable to fulfill basic requirements, there will be consequences.
*
And it is at school that children learn these skills. School isn't just about their subjects. It also teaches organisation etc and some kids are better at this than others. This is better done by a gentle reminder to bring their own next time. If the child consistently forgets equipment , then address it but this was day 1.

And I do agree parents and children should take responsibility to have what they need as well as backing up teachers. But I don't think there is any need for teachers to behave like bullies. My kids respond better to things being explained to them in a calm reasonable way. That's how I parent my children and that's what I think makes the best teachers. Most kids are pretty good if you speak to them like they matter. I hate the straight to punishment way that many parents and teachers use.

Janeismymiddlename

My last post was answering yours, forgot to include you name