I'm a TA and the teacher embarrassed on my first day in the classroom

[youdontknowmyname]

Warning: it's a long story.

I'm a new TA at a secondary school (I have worked there before as a supply teacher). It was the first day of term for all year 7-13s, because it was the first day back the teacher provided some ice breaker activities for the kids to get to know their peers within their form class, the activity required a pen.

All TAs are required to carry stationery in case a kids need one. I saw a couple of kids in the corner who looked a little anxious so I assumed they did not have a pen, so I kindly offered pens to anyone who needed one. The teacher turned and looked at me, she looked at me as if I had defecated on her mother's head and she said "it's the first day back, they should have stationery on them at all times. If I were you I would put that back!". It was so embarrassing, the classroom went quiet and kids stared at me. Kids are like sharks, they can smell weakness, the water was filled with my blood.

I kept quiet for the remainder of the class, when the kids went off for their break I asked the teacher if I could speak to her privately. I was calm, collective and most of all professional. I told her I did not appreciate the way she spoke to me because it was embarrassing, and that I think it's ok to be lenient on the first day because it's important that the children have a pleasant first day experience. She denied all allegations and she had another go at me because it's school policy to carry stationery at all times.

I was coming down with a cold and I had a migraine, I suffered from severe depression in the past so I am a little more sensitive than others. I went into the staff locker room during break and I broke down in tears. My TA colleagues saw me cry and told me to head home as I was feeling sick and I didn't have the energy to cope emotionally. I spoke to my boss but I did not tell her about the pen incident, she sent me home and wished me a swift recovery.

I work through an agency, I got a call from my recruitment agent later on that day because my boss called her and told her about the "altercation" at work. She went absolutely mental and said that it was extremely unprofessional of me to speak to the teacher directly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and gone directly to her or my boss or both.

Am I in the wrong? what would you have done?

(The other TAs told me that this particular teacher is hard to work with because she's a rude control freak)

Why that's relevant I'm not sure!

I would have said pretty much what the teacher did & been thoroughly irritated with you dishing out pens. Her words really don't sound that harsh.

I would have spare pens on day one, given them out to anyone who needed them, then spoken to them quietly once the independent work was started, that I was noting their names (on a post it stuck ostentatiously to the board by my desk, right next to the equally ostentatious smiley face post it for kids who made an excellent first impression). I would then have made a point next lesson of checking each penless kid from my list had a pen, & got a negative point if not. If they did bring one, great, they'd get a big smile & a 'well done, keep it up!'

I'd be unimpressed with you jumping in.

However I'd be happy to talk all this through with you, nicely, at break.

If you were in floods of tears & going home, sorry, I'd think you were a complete wet lettuce - & either a complete drama llama or incapable of making a sensible judgment call when you were really not well enough to come in. I'd also take a dim view of you moaning about me to others.

Either way I wouldn't be looking forward to working with you again tbh.

Sorry, but you were unreasonable & I suspect the teacher's version of events would be rather differently nuanced. Bit of a cock up all round on your part. Hope it goes better this week!

"no wonder teachers and support staff are leaving the profession in droves if these are the people they have to put up with at work." No wonder my DD doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. Or any day really - she describes incidents like this every day.

Everyone with a child in secondary school should read this thread - this is how some teachers actually think. As for leaving the profession in droves, they won't get a job elsewhere with that attitude.

Lots of examples on this thread of parents seeing the world only through the eyes of their own child. Maybe one child (yours) not having a pen on one day is a minor thing that shouldn't be a big deal. But what some of the teachers here are trying to point out, is that when you multiply that by the sheer numbers of kids causing the same kind of low-level disruption (and it is disruptive) and expense, then it's much more of a deal. Schools aren't just fussing about these things for the love of it.

@AnnieAnoniMouse

However, there are some that are just power tripping bitches, sadly you have found one of them.

I think she's found more than one, the teaching gestapo are out in force on this one 😂😂😂

storm in a teacup, i expect new teacher was feeling a but undermined so just said what she thought and got the message across.

I do feel for the op but it's harsh for anyone starting a new job and getting the boundaries right. just learn from it, toughen up and get on with it. tomorrow is another day x

Teaching gestapo? Really?
Ok, so if we're in the business of making sweeping, insulting and unfair generalisations, I'll suggest that the precious helicopter parents are also out in force on this thread.

Well, actually on reflection I'd have probably said ' Oh thank you Ms X, but I'm sure they all have pens on their first day. If anyone doesn't (steely stare at class turned up to maybe 30%), please see Ms X who will be writing your name down so she & I can check you've brought one next lesson...just reminding you that you get a negative point [or whatever school policy is] for not having correct equipment...has everyone got a pen now Ms X? Great, I'm sure Jack, Sarah & Omar will remember them next lesson...'

I'd still be irritated with you though, especially if you weren't completely new to the school & had had a chance to know that correct equipment, brought by students with a consequence for not doing so, was a school expectation.

As the year goes on I just have an 'Enable Table' ( I know...previous SLT member with a penchant for naff phrases dreamed the name up) on which I keep boxes of tatty pens, pencils, rubbers, glue sticks, scissors, rulers, highlighted... It's a mixture of last year's stock & anything left lying about.

If you arrive at my class & quietly borrow whatever you need on your way to your seat, we're all good. Not even particularly fussed if you return whatever it was - take that ruler off to maths, I don't care! I picked it up off the floor last lesson & am just happy you won't be derailing my lesson OR my maths colleague's wittering about your lack of ruler.

If you get to your seat & when asked to work, THEN you decide you can't be arsed to look in your bag for a pen & would rather pester me/my TA for one - then I start dishing out the appropriate ' no equipment ' sanction.

I'd be annoyed that you'd leapt in, making 'students without equipment ' your problem to 'kindly' solve, thereby undermining my making it clear that it's really not ok to rock up without a chuffing pen.

I think, unfortunately, you have come to the wrong place for advice. There are some replies to your worry that might make Gradgrind call out despotism. Including one voracious respondee who makes a vulgar claim to know your psychological state.

There is some rationality to the thinking though; if the rule is dont hand out pens, then follow it and if you have the assumption again, ask the teacher - especially if they are perhaps quick to temper.

Was the teacher unprofessional? Absolutely. Having taught at all levels of education (bar primrary), displaying a united front before your students means dont show up a fellow educational professional - unless a law is being broken. Rules we must remember are not the same as laws.

Were you right to speak to the teacher afterwards? Nothing wrong with it, but I would say, exercise judgement in this instance; maybe keep things in the chain of command and aplroach your manager next time.

Not read all the responses because the early ones all seemed rather one sided and harsh but as a non teacher I am genuinely confused by the notion that you are expected to carry stationery in case a child needs some, but then get berated for offering them it?

The stationery the TA carries would usually be for their use - so they aren't trying to make their own notes without bringing a pen so needing to faff about the classroom looking for one.

Different procedures ( varying levels of draconian depending on the school) for kids without the stuff they are supposed to bring.

Which is the bit that OP - totally with the best intentions to be fair - was undermining.

@thatdearoctopus

Hardly a sweeping generalisation - that would have required my comment to refer to every/all poster - merely pointing out that some are behaving, quite frankly, in a rude blunt and unnecessary way!

(and btw, I'm not siding with the helicopter parents, but at least they're not being downright bloody mean to the OP!)

at least they're not being downright bloody mean to the OP!

No, just the teaching profession.

@thatdearoctopus

Touché - I'll give you that one 😊😊

I said earlier: "No wonder my DD doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. Or any day really - she describes incidents like this every day."

dearoctopus then says "Lots of examples on this thread of parents seeing the world only through the eyes of their own child".

From what she then says about "helicopter parents" (you can substitute any derogatory term for the word helicopter, anyone having a child in school is beneath contempt for these people) I assume octopus is a teacher. A teacher that would do well to see the world through the eyes of a child or a teenager, as all good teachers do, all the best ones.

My DD has plenty of pens, she doesn't need to ask for one but what does affect her is the humiliation and bullying she sees meted out by school staff at all levels to her fellow pupils every day. You don't have to be on the receiving end of such petty spite to know that its wrong.

Sorry that should read meted out to pupils AND staff as those that bully the pupils usually have very little respect for their colleagues either.

I'm a supply teacher.

Some schools you can give a kid a pen, some even give out the 'aint got a pencil' poem.

Some you have to give the kid a sanction on the spot and keep them in at break because they can buy pens n the library (God knows when if they are not getting their break).

Some schools do an equipment check each morning and have students who are not equipped borrow from 'the office' with sanctions for second and third offences.

Some allow students to borrow a pen from their peers, others don't.

I have a supply of pens with 'stolen from Ms X' written them so they come back at the end of the lesson.

I have no idea how much time schools put in to deciding their personal policy on pens but it seems to be a lot.

You really should have spoken to the teacher first.

Your agency may well terminate your contract.

I had an agency terminate one when I was taken from the school by ambulance!

The schools pay a lot for agency staff and they can drop you with 24hr notice.

Staples, You have entirely missed my point.
Back to school (with your own pen) for you.

It sounds to me as though this woman was unnecessarily curt. But just read back how you spoke to her, when, like it or not, it was her classroom where she is in charge.

"I told her I did not appreciate the way she spoke to me"

"I think it's ok to be lenient on the first day because it's important that the children have a pleasant first day experience." (Not your call - it's her domain. Sorry!)

She denied all allegations It's not your job to be firing allegations at the teacher.

And then you pulled the victim card and got yourself sent home?

I'm sorry, but if you were TA'ing for me, I'd ask for someone else to be timetabled for my classes.

OP I really understand that some teachers (or people in any other job role) can be unnecessarily rude or mean but you need to learn to ignore it.

My friend is a TA and last year was paired with a teacher who was really unfriendly, didn't treat her like a professional and when asking her to do something in front of the class called her by her first name instead of 'Miss x' which is really disrespectful. She didn't let it get to her and that's what you need to do.

I don't think you did anything wrong and I believe you dealt with it calmly and professional. I don't care who she is, nobody gets to humilate you in public.

Sienna333

I don't think you did anything wrong and I believe you dealt with it calmly and professional. I don't care who she is, nobody gets to humilate you in public.

But it's OK for the op to undermine the teacher's authority in her own classroom and then to effectively tell the teacher that her classroom management is wrong? The situation would not have happened if the op had spoken to the pupils to find out why they 'looked anxious'and then, if necessary, to the teacher. As it was, she assumed there was a particular problem and then made an announcement to the class without checking with the teacher first.

I think the of has failed to grasp how her role within the classroom has changed now that she is no longer the teacher.

But the OP didn't humilate the teacher in front of the children did she? She spoke to her after class. Just because OP is now a TA, it doesn't mean it gives the teacher the right to embarrass her and speak to her like she is a kid.