I'm a TA and the teacher embarrassed on my first day in the classroom

[youdontknowmyname]

Warning: it's a long story.

I'm a new TA at a secondary school (I have worked there before as a supply teacher). It was the first day of term for all year 7-13s, because it was the first day back the teacher provided some ice breaker activities for the kids to get to know their peers within their form class, the activity required a pen.

All TAs are required to carry stationery in case a kids need one. I saw a couple of kids in the corner who looked a little anxious so I assumed they did not have a pen, so I kindly offered pens to anyone who needed one. The teacher turned and looked at me, she looked at me as if I had defecated on her mother's head and she said "it's the first day back, they should have stationery on them at all times. If I were you I would put that back!". It was so embarrassing, the classroom went quiet and kids stared at me. Kids are like sharks, they can smell weakness, the water was filled with my blood.

I kept quiet for the remainder of the class, when the kids went off for their break I asked the teacher if I could speak to her privately. I was calm, collective and most of all professional. I told her I did not appreciate the way she spoke to me because it was embarrassing, and that I think it's ok to be lenient on the first day because it's important that the children have a pleasant first day experience. She denied all allegations and she had another go at me because it's school policy to carry stationery at all times.

I was coming down with a cold and I had a migraine, I suffered from severe depression in the past so I am a little more sensitive than others. I went into the staff locker room during break and I broke down in tears. My TA colleagues saw me cry and told me to head home as I was feeling sick and I didn't have the energy to cope emotionally. I spoke to my boss but I did not tell her about the pen incident, she sent me home and wished me a swift recovery.

I work through an agency, I got a call from my recruitment agent later on that day because my boss called her and told her about the "altercation" at work. She went absolutely mental and said that it was extremely unprofessional of me to speak to the teacher directly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and gone directly to her or my boss or both.

Am I in the wrong? what would you have done?

(The other TAs told me that this particular teacher is hard to work with because she's a rude control freak)

Sorry I should add that I don't think it was a massive deal really. I get that you felt a bit embarrassed and that's not nice but I don't think it warranted a word with the teacher afterwards, let alone tears in the staff room. Had it been me (and yes, I have done things in a classroom that in retrospect were a bit foolish) I would have gone to my next lesson with a mental note not to do that again. And that would have been the end of it.

She may well have been intending to use the activity to reinforce the rules that every child must be prepared with their own pens at all times. But you jumped in and prevented that.

This is a good point actually.

There was no reason for her to add "if I were you I'd put that back" but the rest of her comment was factual.

Im sorry but as a TA you dont get to decide on whats important. That's teachers decision..Unless you accept that you are in the wrong job. The teacher was more talking to students than you letting them know they cant just borrow off you.
You have over reacted.
Start again and always take your lead from the teacher.

I'm sorry, OP - you undermined the teacher - she should not have had to speak to you in the first instance - the students are responsible for providing their own stationary - you overstepped...

Being lenient or not with the kids on the first day is the teacher's decision, not yours. They are the ones in charge of the education in the room.

She shouldn't have snapped at you but you stepped over the line first. As for you attempting to tell her she shouldn't establish her own ground rules, yabu. Her room, her rules - your opinion on her teaching was not wanted or needed. It's important that the children follow their teacher and that you don't interfere.

Sounds like she was a bit of a bitch, but you totally overreacted. Tbh, I'm not surprised the kids could smell blood if you broke down so easily afterwards. You were not in a fit state to be in school and from her perspective, you were undermining her authority, so if any blood was to be smelt by the class, it had to be yours!

OP, others are being harsh.
The teacher had no need to be rude. It's simply not necessary.

Alternative: "Ms TA has kindly bought some extra pens into class today in case anyone has forgotten in the excitement of the first day back. But tomorrow onwards, you must have all your stationery in your school bag or you'll lose a house point - or whatever."

Gets the same msg across and does not set up tension in the room.

I'm not a teacher or a TA but i think as it was a TEMP job it wasn't worth confronting the teacher. Which you know now.

Were you giving out stationery to be likeable? Nothing wrong with that in itself but being liked by children isn't essential.

Live and learn and use the lesson on your next assignment.

Why would you assume they didn't have a pen because they looked a bit anxious? It could have been any reason.

Imagine being written up at work because you needed to borrow a pen from a colleague!

Or imagine that you turn up at work without the tools to do your job. Don't think your employer would be too impressed with that.

Did you buy the pens OP or did the school provide them?

Ye Gads a lot of the responses here are harsh imo.

I don't think what you did warranted her looking at you and addressing you as you imply.

Perhaps I'm wrong but there's no need to belittle someone. Good job I'm not a TA if that's what it's like.

Hope you feel better soon.

I can see how you were trying to be helpful but as a teacher it is so important to set high expectations on the first day. Surely having been a teacher you must know this?

If kids do not have pens then the teacher may ask you to give them a pen but you need to wait for the instruction. It is not your classroom - you are only there in a support role. What happens on the day you are off ill and the same kids are waiting for you to give them a pen as this may now be their expectation? Or when another TA refuses to give them a pen in a different lesson and the kid might make poor behaviour choices because they can't understand why one TA would follow school policy and another does not?

It is sweet to want the students to have a good first day but sadly if this is how you see the classroom it really is not the place for you! Some teachers may seem like 'hard work' to TAs but perhaps they have high standards of expectation and organisation from their students and get frustrated when other adults in the room 'side' (for want of a better word) with the students instead of supporting the teacher.

Blimey. I used to be a teacher and my first thought on reading the OP was how rude and unprofessional the teacher was in the way she spoke to you, particularly in front of the children.

And then I read the thread and discovered I am in a minority and a lot of fellow teachers think you are in the wrong. I can see that maybe you were and that children need to learn from the off that the school rules must be adhered to, and by offering them a pen, you were somewhat undermining this. But that does not permit the teacher to speak to you as though you were a child.

To be blunt I don't think you able for the job and probably should find something else.

She was rude and you were over sensitive, but as a migraine sufferer myself I would put the tears down to that tbh.
I'm always all over the place when I have one brewing.

You were in the wrong - school rules need to be for everyone, or they're worthless.
The teacher should have spoken to you privately, but I suspect she wanted to stop you in your tracks.
It's pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things - try to forget it and move on.

OP, as a former teacher, you should know that you never smile until Christmas
Can't believe people still say this nonsense .
OP, I think wanting children to have a pleasant first day shows that you actually care about them. Given the number of children and young people who suffer with anxiety etc making an example of a child who hasn't got a pen (which for Y7 pupils they may have been provided with in primary) is completely unnecessary.
Hope you are feeling better

I found, "so I kindly offered" really interesting. You offered pens. The fact that you stuck a "kindly" in there makes me think it's really important to your self-image that you are 'kind'. Great in theory but if you are working with a teacher who is hot on discipline, order and efficiency, your wanting to be seen as 'kind' could backfire. When I worked in homeless shelters there were always very well-meaning workers who wanted to be the 'kind' one. Invariably this made our jobs harder not easier.

I have a strict rule that I will replace pens (primary) if they can show me the old one that has run out. I will not give them a brand new one just because they've lost it/can't be arsed to look for it. They either have to use a dodgy spare or write in pencil until the next break, when they must look for it.

I have to say I was pretty pissed off last year when I discovered that my TA (who knew my stance) was handing out new pens to any child who went and asked her for one. She "felt sorry for them."

if you are or have been a teacher, you will understand how much education is lost in the average week by students not having, or claiming to have lost their pen.

It is absolutely crucial that rules and expectations are established immediately, it is in the best interests of all students in the class.

That children are arriving on their first day without pens is bizarre to say the least. And something the teacher needs to know about.

What you did was NOT in the best interests of the children, or their education ( not just those without pens, but those who's lessons could be potentially disrupted for 5 years by other responding to the presedent that its ok to not bother to sort yourself out with a pen)

it was not in the best interests of the children's relationship with the teacher, nor with her relationships with the parents who were prepared to send their children unequipped.

The stationary policy is likely to have been thought about discussed and agreed, possibly on a school level, maybe on a department level.

it is up to the teacher, it is not up to you.

You over stepped your authority hugely.You messed up, and you messed up for the teacher too.

The water did not fill with your blood.

HTH

It is sweet to want the students to have a good first day but sadly if this is how you see the classroom it really is not the place for you!
Have we all stopped caring about pupil wellbeing then?!

Some teachers are lovely, worth double their weight in gold & it's not a job I'd do if you paid me 10x what they're paid.

However, there are some that are just power tripping bitches, sadly you have found one of them.

I'm not cut out, in any way, shape or form, for bowing & scraping to anyone. She'd have got as good as she'd given.

As for the woman at the Agency, Unprofessional to speak directly to the teacher. Oh please. Who do they think they are? She's an agency flunky & the other woman is a teacher, reminds me of a joke...

What's the difference between God & a teacher?

God knows he's not a teacher.

Hope you're feeling better soon 💐
[This is NOT a 'teacher' bashing post, it's a 'twat' bashing post. Most teachers are fabulous.]

Teacher here too - she was rude and shouldn't have been. Staff should always present a united front in the classroom. However you did overstep the mark first - she should have just been nicer about it.

It is easy to feel these resentments in a classroom though. I remember feeling pissed off that a TA told me I had "made a big mistake" by putting some equipment out for kids to borrow (I think it was glue sticks). I remember thinking that I wouldn't speak to her like that, who did she think she was speaking to me like that? She probably didn't mean it the way it sounded but it rankled all the same.

It's weird as well that OP didn't even know they needed pens, she saw them look anxious and assumed they had no pens, bit of a leap there?